(no subject)
Dude! so much has happened since my last update! me and john broke up... i was devastated at first but it turned out to be one of the best things that happened this summer.
the BEST thing that happened this summer was MATT making out with me. that led to us hanging out all summer... and, as corny as it sounds, me completely falling for him. he randomly kissed me one day over robs house and we've been together evere since. too bad im so fucking retarded. he asked me out like right after, but i took like a whole month to actually be like "you know what i think... i think we should just go out". and we did. and we have been for more than 4 months, but it seems like wayyy longer. we're seriously in love and hopefully always will be. i know ive said this in the past but this time im seriously in LOVE.
it sucks that i hafta be so sensitive to everything, and that i cry over everything, but i have to deal with it a little better. the only thing about matt that i really dont like sometimes is that he doesnt understand that he has to be a little more sensitive to the fact that im so sensitive and i cry over everything. like i'll call him up balling my eyes out and after ive calmed down a little he's like "umm... yeah... im gonna go now". he really cares about me, i know he does... its just that he isnt used to having someone who needs so much comfort. hes really the only thing that makes me so incredibly happy and once im in that state i hate leaving it. hence, when he has to or wants to get off the phone. i know "suck it up." yeah... well i cant.
im also just so petrafied that hes gonna start liking someone else, mostly lisa. im not trying to be mean or anything. and im not jelous, im scared. and from past experience ive learned that guys i like tend to like me friends instead of me or eventually end up liking them. lets see theres... wayne who ended up going out with lisa (while were on a break)... there was witty (eww.) who only went out with me to get to alyssa... there was chris (yes. matts chris. yeah. i liked him.) who ended up likeing lisa, and supposidly sam... and, more recently theres john, who i knew the whole time i was going out with him liked sam, and now theyre together. i dont have feelings for any of them anymore, but it really hurts and scares me to death. i cant compare to anyone apparently. (i know... typical "i want your sympathy. love me. feel bad for me." live journal cliche. but i dont need or want anyones sympathy.)
its probably just me tho but it seems like matt talks to lisa more than me and even seems like he flirts with her. like when we were in the disney store and i said "oh my god. matt. thumper, thumper. hes back". (as in Thumper from the disney movie. one of matts favorite characters. and the stuffed animal hadnt been there for a while) but he just looked at me and kinda walked off. but when lisa picked it up and went "oh my god. its thumper. its thumper" he freaked out. and everytime he found something that he liked or something cute or whatever he would go "oh my god. lisa. look." he usta do that to me. and he reminded me kinda of a little kid. and i miss it. i know it doesnt mean anything i just get scared. i just love him so much and im so scared of losing him. i think he'll either get mad at me, sick of me, annoyed by me, bored by me, find someone better, nice, prettier, and less stupidly sensitive! (shut up!)
o yeah... i dont really hang out with sam kelly rob chris and john anymore. i hang out with matt and lisa derek arthur and their little group of peoples. i miss sam and kelly but i dont wanna hear/talk about rob or john. and i dont really wanna hang out with them. but if everyone would stop getting mad over little things then i wouldnt mind it as much... i guess??
the WORST thing that happened over the summer was me sam matt and chris getting caught stealing a keyboard from the galvin. we now 25 hours of community service. thats all thank god! i miss the summer though... it was me sam matt and chris... all the time... everyday. we were so close. ahhhhhhh. i know its partly my fault i dont hang out with sam and kelly but they really were pushing me away and i couldnt stand it! i miss derek and caitlin too though. what happened?? i FUCK everything up with people. ahhhhh.
i am left alone with my MATT <3 and LISA... thank godd i have them. if i didnt id be even more alone. and i dont know what i would do without them. i honestly dont.
the BEST thing that happened this summer was MATT making out with me. that led to us hanging out all summer... and, as corny as it sounds, me completely falling for him. he randomly kissed me one day over robs house and we've been together evere since. too bad im so fucking retarded. he asked me out like right after, but i took like a whole month to actually be like "you know what i think... i think we should just go out". and we did. and we have been for more than 4 months, but it seems like wayyy longer. we're seriously in love and hopefully always will be. i know ive said this in the past but this time im seriously in LOVE.
it sucks that i hafta be so sensitive to everything, and that i cry over everything, but i have to deal with it a little better. the only thing about matt that i really dont like sometimes is that he doesnt understand that he has to be a little more sensitive to the fact that im so sensitive and i cry over everything. like i'll call him up balling my eyes out and after ive calmed down a little he's like "umm... yeah... im gonna go now". he really cares about me, i know he does... its just that he isnt used to having someone who needs so much comfort. hes really the only thing that makes me so incredibly happy and once im in that state i hate leaving it. hence, when he has to or wants to get off the phone. i know "suck it up." yeah... well i cant.
im also just so petrafied that hes gonna start liking someone else, mostly lisa. im not trying to be mean or anything. and im not jelous, im scared. and from past experience ive learned that guys i like tend to like me friends instead of me or eventually end up liking them. lets see theres... wayne who ended up going out with lisa (while were on a break)... there was witty (eww.) who only went out with me to get to alyssa... there was chris (yes. matts chris. yeah. i liked him.) who ended up likeing lisa, and supposidly sam... and, more recently theres john, who i knew the whole time i was going out with him liked sam, and now theyre together. i dont have feelings for any of them anymore, but it really hurts and scares me to death. i cant compare to anyone apparently. (i know... typical "i want your sympathy. love me. feel bad for me." live journal cliche. but i dont need or want anyones sympathy.)
its probably just me tho but it seems like matt talks to lisa more than me and even seems like he flirts with her. like when we were in the disney store and i said "oh my god. matt. thumper, thumper. hes back". (as in Thumper from the disney movie. one of matts favorite characters. and the stuffed animal hadnt been there for a while) but he just looked at me and kinda walked off. but when lisa picked it up and went "oh my god. its thumper. its thumper" he freaked out. and everytime he found something that he liked or something cute or whatever he would go "oh my god. lisa. look." he usta do that to me. and he reminded me kinda of a little kid. and i miss it. i know it doesnt mean anything i just get scared. i just love him so much and im so scared of losing him. i think he'll either get mad at me, sick of me, annoyed by me, bored by me, find someone better, nice, prettier, and less stupidly sensitive! (shut up!)
o yeah... i dont really hang out with sam kelly rob chris and john anymore. i hang out with matt and lisa derek arthur and their little group of peoples. i miss sam and kelly but i dont wanna hear/talk about rob or john. and i dont really wanna hang out with them. but if everyone would stop getting mad over little things then i wouldnt mind it as much... i guess??
the WORST thing that happened over the summer was me sam matt and chris getting caught stealing a keyboard from the galvin. we now 25 hours of community service. thats all thank god! i miss the summer though... it was me sam matt and chris... all the time... everyday. we were so close. ahhhhhhh. i know its partly my fault i dont hang out with sam and kelly but they really were pushing me away and i couldnt stand it! i miss derek and caitlin too though. what happened?? i FUCK everything up with people. ahhhhh.
i am left alone with my MATT <3 and LISA... thank godd i have them. if i didnt id be even more alone. and i dont know what i would do without them. i honestly dont.