To be.

Dec 22, 2007 23:50

((An IM RP: Kakyou is given a deeper look into the Not to be. universe. This one may be counted as in-game.

Warning: Entry contains graphic violence and character death.))



The being that calls Kakyou's name looks and sounds a lot like Aya-chan, but she isn't breathing, so there is no warm breath on Kakyou's cheek. The hand stroking his cheek is gentle, but there is no warmth there either. The room he will wake up in is his, but most of his belonging are missing, and everything is covered in a fine layer of dust.

"Kakyou," it whispers in Aya-chan's voice. "Time to wake up."

Kakyou shudders a little at the cold touch, eyes blinking open slowly. He frowns slightly at the state of the room. "What...?"

It smiles fondly at him. "That's what you're going to find out. Come on, sleepy head, we have a lot to see and do."

Kakyou gets up, pulling his kimono tighter around him. He lifts a hand to the cheek it was stroking briefly. So cold... Not Aya-chan.

"What are you?"

Its smile becomes bashful. "A messenger."

"Whose?" Kakyou asks softly, brushing the dust from the bed off his kimono. The dust, the lack of all his things, is...eerie. It puts him on edge.

It's eyes and skin lack the vitality that Aya-chan's had, but it mimics her expressions perfectly. The one she is giving him now one of the rare looks she would give when he said something incredibly silly. "Yours, of course."

Long-suffering sigh of someone who does not think he's being silly at all, but has decided logic will get him nowhere. If it has any of Aya-chan's memories, this won't be an unfamiliar mannerism.

"What do we have to see and do, then?"

It looks sad. "I cannot tell you. I have to show you." It holds out a hand. The skin of the hand will be cool and unyielding to the touch.

Kakyou hesitates for a long moment. Then he looks around the room again, and makes up his mind. He doesn't have a better option. He takes its hand.

There is a sudden jolt and they are outside the Kitten. The shop is locked tight, with a faded notice that informs the reader it is closed for good. Everything about the place looks abandoned. It frowns slightly as it looks at the shop, and lets go of Kakyou's hand to trace the outlines of the notice.

Kakyou shivers, staring at the notice.

"This had become home for you, hadn't it?"

"Yes... Of course," Kakyou murmurs quietly, before frowning a little. "What do you mean, 'had become'?"

It shakes its head a little. Kakyou is smarter than this. "A home is made by the people who live in it." It reaches out to place a hand on Kakyou's shoulder. If Kakyou lets it touch him, they will move to somewhere else.

"I know that," Kakyou whispers, hands sliding into the sleeves of his kimono. Dust, the notice... What was going on? His dreams of the future were never like THIS. He doesn't move away when it goes to touch him.

The graveyard is done in the Japanese style. There is a small pillar shrine with a cross on it. Inscribe are the names of Aya's parents and Ran. Beneath them are Kuzuki Kakyou and Fujimiya Aya.

Kakyou actively shudders, dropping to run his fingers over his own name in the stone.

"I'm...dead?" He sounds stunned, but somehow not surprised.

Its voice is a pained whisper. "I'm sorry." If it could cry, it would.

"I doubt it's your fault," Kakyou replies, but it's almost automatic, numb. His fingers move on to trace Aya-chan's name.

"Is this... Am /I/ dead? Is this...a future that might be? An accidental dreamwalk? Or do I just somehow...not remember dying?"

It opens its mouth to speak. Its jaw moves up and down. No sound comes out. Pain and frustration are evident on its face. It bows its head in defeat. "There are certain rules. I cannot tell you anything. I have to show you."

"Ghost of Christmas Future," Kakyou comments, a faint tinge of wry, bitter humor to it. There's no blame in his eyes when he stands up and turns back to look at it, though.

Its head is still bowed. Its hiding behind its hair the way Aya-chan would when she was ashamed. "You could call me worse things."

"Not really," Kakyou replies mildly, offering his hand. "What about...Aya?"

Its face crumples in grief. It hesitates before taking Kakyou's hand, almost as if it is afraid. There is another jolt as their hands touch. The plush white carpeting is striped red with
blood. Blood splatters the walls and even the ceiling. The two glassy-eyed children look like broken dolls hunched over in the corner.

It may not be obvious that the woman by the overturned Ming vase is only playing dead.
There is certainly enough blood to make her look dead. She has one hand pressed to her slit throat and another covers the mouth of a two-year-old boy to keep him from crying out.

Aya is on the other side of the room. His hair is streaked with white, but that is hardly
noticeable under the darker red of the blood. He jabs a sharp, long needle into a man's neck and another fountain of blood spurts out.

But Aya uses a sword...and why are there children here? Kakyou makes a quiet, choked off sound, walking towards Aya. He calls his name softly.

"He can't hear you." It hangs back in a corner. "You don't want him to hear you."

The next jab with the needle pins the man to the carpet. His face is frozen in terror. "Like a butterfly under glass," Aya mumbles as he pulls out the needle. Aya's boots are heavy on the floor as he walks to the door. He pauses for a moment to grab the woman by the hair and shove the needle through her eye. She goes still instantly and he drops her.

The child's scream is shrill and sharp and goes silent quickly.

Kakyou lifts a hand towards Aya, then drops it helplessly after a moment. His eyes are shocked and pained and slightly dull.

"Aya... That's not Aya. Who did this to him?"

Aya wipes his needle on the boy's clothes in an absent gesture. His shoulders are squared and his head is high as he walks out of the room.

"He did it to himself," it hisses.

"To...himself...?" Kakyou's voice sounds the same way it did when he had asked for confirmation that he was dead. Stunned. Numb. Almost dead.

"No one made him react the way he did after you... after you both... His teammates, his family in the Nexus, they tried to help."

"Aya can be...remarkably hard to help," Kakyou replies softly, still in that blank, half-gone tone. "We died...and Aya shattered, turning the shards of himself into knives to hurt the world that took his life away."

“That's remarkably poetic.” It's laugh is dry and bitter. “But essentially correct. Lets go back so you can see.” It reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder.

Kakyou doesn't resist, staring out the door Aya left through.

They are back in his room. The layer of dust is gone. Aya-chan's hand clenches on one of his kimonos as he puts it into a box. She sobs. Aya walks into the room. His clothes hang off of him.

“You don't have to do this now.” He reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder.

She pulls away from his touch. “I don't want to do it later.” She doesn't look at him.

Aya-chan's sobs bring Kakyou back to himself, and he steps closer, eyes bright with
worry. When she pulls away from her brother, a flicker of something almost like fear crosses his face.

Aya steps back from her. Dull, dead, shadowed eyes stare at her. His cheeks are sunken.
“Then don't it at all. Have someone else do it. I can --”

Aya-chan's voice is strident. She punches the bed. “He was my friend! I loved him. I am going to do this for him.” Her voice is quieter as she adds, "It's the only thing I can do."

"He hasn't been eating, has he?" Kakyou asks quietly, watching them. It aches, to watch
them argue over something to do with him.

“He hasn't been doing a lot of things he should,” it whispers. “And doing a lot of things he shouldn't.”

Aya takes a deep breath. His dead voice is still somehow accusatory as he asks, “You believe I did not love him?”

Aya-chan puts the flat of her hand to her mouth and makes a muffled gasp. She shudders. “I didn't say that, Ran. Just -- Just go. I can do this.”

"Have they...been like this...the whole time? Broken apart from each other, over me?" He's not sure he wants to hear the answer.

“The cracks started to show after you died,” it answers. “But they didn't break until later.”

“You don't want my company anymore.”

Aya-chan's shoulders are hunched. “Mamoru came. He told me that you have been removed from Weiss.” There is no answer. Aya-chan's voice is harsh and choked. “He must care about you very much, to try to catch you rather than putting you down like a rabid animal.”

“Mamoru doesn't care about much of anything anymore,” Aya sounds almost wistful.

“Ran, you need to stop. Do you think this is what Kakyou would have wanted?”

Her brother's shadow falls on her as he moves. He sits near her, not near enough to touch. He faces the same way, not looking at her. His smile looks painted on. “If only he were alive, I would ask him.”

Kakyou bites down on his lip, hard enough to draw blood. He doesn't seem to notice.

"God... Aya.... Please, please, don't do this to yourself... Not because of me."

Aya-chan's lower lip trembles. She raises her fist as if she is going to hit him. “You know he would wouldn't have wanted this! Look what you are making of the life you only have because of him.” Her fist falls against his arm, but there is no force behind it. She covers her face.

"What does she mean by that?" Kakyou whispers, unable, maybe unwilling, to look away.

It steps closer to Kakyou, stepping beside him in an almost protective gesture. It doesn't answer.

Aya grabs his sister's arm and twists it to angle that causes his sister make a cry of pain. “That's right. He's dead. I'm still alive. Tell me, what kind of world is that?”

"One I never would have imagined would turn out like this...."

A little bit of blood is starting to trail down Kakyou's chin from his lip, but he ignores it.

Its fingers move to clumsily wipe the blood from his chin. It looks at him tenderly.

Aya-chan's free hand slips into the pocket of her jeans. “The one we have,” she answers. She glares at her brother, tears unwillingly coming to her eyes. “Don't dishonor his memory anymore. Turn yourself in. Do it for Kakyou.”

The slap is remarkably loud. Aya-chan winces in pain.

They are both quiet.

For a long time, the only sounds they make are the sounds of their breathing.

Aya's voice sounds rusty. “Don't pretend that anything I do can matter to him anymore.”

There's no warning before Kakyou's fist lashes out and slams into the wall. He sinks to his knees slowly, trembling all over.

"This isn't right. None of this...is right. This... Not because of me. Never because of me."

It kneels beside him. “You had a vision of his death.” It looks over the pair of them beside the bed, shoulders bowed. Aya-chan's hand is pressed to her cheek. “You stopped it.”

There is the sound of footsteps storming up the stairs.

"Traded my life for his," Kakyou finishes blankly, already having suspected that was the meaning of what Aya-chan had said earlier.

He had no idea how he could have been so stupid. There had to have been another way. He knew what it felt like to be the one left behind.

At the noise of the footsteps, Aya presses his sister back on the bed. She struggles, but she is no where near strong enough. He reaches into her pocket and removes a tiny rectangular box with a button, a device that triggered a silent alarm.

He smiles viciously as he caresses her cheek. “Such a beautiful traitor.”

He has his sword in his hands by the time the guards break down the door.

"Does she die here?" Kakyou's voice is empty as he asks the question.

"Not here," it whispers, moving nearer to him.

"Does he kill her?" Still nothing. An automatic search for information he doesn't really want.

The question would have been unthinkable two hours ago.

It hesitantly, timidly offers its hand.

"I don't want to see her die. I could never want to know enough for that," Kakyou whispers. "None of this tells me whether I am a ghost that doesn't remember dying, or a visitor in events I shudder to consider real."

It is difficult to hear Kakyou over the noise. A body thuds to the ground beside where Kakyou is crouched. Aya-chan is on the over side of the bed. Her arms are placed protectively over her head.

"I'm not sure what to show you to dispel your doubts," it answers, flinching away from the falling body.

"It's not a good kind of question for showing without telling," Kakyou murmurs, his eyes skimming over the body with blank apathy. "Why am I here? Why do I have to watch this...travesty, this twisted mockery of the family I loved?"

The room is quiet except for Aya-chan's crying and Aya's footsteps racing down the stairs. It shakes its head sadly. It offers its hand.

Kakyou reaches out and takes it.

It is overcast enough that fog reflects the neon lights, making the night seem even more surreal. Outside the Akira hotel, a man in a long white coat brushes past Ginta. There is something stiff in his posture that suggests he is concealing a weapon, however what Ginta is likely to find more interesting about him is his scent. Aya. There can't be any question.

Aya continues walking as if he didn't notice Ginta.

Ginta is not about to let Aya just walk by. The moment the scent registers he whirls around, pouncing in Aya's direction and letting out a feral growl. "YOU."

At the sound of the shout, Aya is able to turn and reach for his weapon. Aya lets out a muffled grunt as he is knocked backward. His body is partially pinned beneath Ginta.

Kakyou makes a soft sound of pain. No matter what Aya may have become, watching his friend fight his lover hurt.

Ginta is going to go for the throat. Rather than rip it out (which is his first inclination) he is going to try to use it as leverage to smack Aya's head hard against the ground. He wants some sort of explanation for all this.

"Why?! You bastard, why did you do it?!"

The dark circles beneath his eyes and hollowed make him look several years older.

Aya's eyes roll back in his head as it smacks the pavement. There is a wet sound as Ginta lifts Aya's head again. The back of Aya's head is sticky and warm. If Ginta wants an answer, he is going have not hit Aya quite so hard.

His lips form a grimace, and he laughs. He laughs.

"Aya....God. This is why, isn't it?" Kakyou pushes himself to his feet and walks over to drop again beside Aya and Ginta, one hand reaching out to touch, even knowing it's useless. "You want someone to kill you. You can't kill yourself or just let it happen when I gave my life for yours, but if you make enough enemies, one of them would eventually manage..."

If Ginta looked angry before its hardly anything compared to his expression when Aya starts laughing. He grabs onto Aya's collar to pull him up from the ground as his lips curl back, baring his fangs. He means to ask Aya what the hell he's laughing at but all that comes out is a snarl.

“Do it if you can, boy. It's the way of the world.” Aya raises his knee and aims a kick at Ginta's gut.

It is at Kakyou's side. "Do you need to see more?”

"For what?" Kakyou snaps out, finally pushed beyond the blank numbness of pain and into harsher emotions. "What is this all FOR? Why do I have to watch Aya commit the most roundabout form of suicide I've ever heard of? Why do I have to watch EVERYTHING fall apart because I did something so...so incredibly SELFISH that I can barely believe it?!"

The kick connects, causing Ginta to let out a wheezing grunt. He tries to hook his legs around Aya's knees in order to keep him still until Ginta can regain his breath.

Aya is off balance as Ginta hooks his knees around him, and Aya falls backward. His long, need-like weapon is in his hand. He tries to jab it beneath Ginta's throat.

Oh crap, that's not good. Ginta dodges enough so that it does not strike where Aya aimed... but it still doesn't feel that great being lodged between his scapula and clavicle like that. He grimaces before grinding out the response, "What, no more katana?" He tries to throw a punch at Aya's face with the arm that is not connected to the shoulder connected to the weapon.

There is wet, meaty slurping sound as Aya pulls the weapon out again. Aya blinks dazedly as the punch connects. Blood fills his mouth. He spits out a tooth. “I left my katana with her.”

It cringes in reaction to Kakyou's anger and shies away from him. It tries not to look anywhere but the ground. Certainly not at the fight.

"Tell me why, or end this farce," Kakyou says, his voice soft and dangerous. "I don't care if I go to Heaven, Hell, or find myself waking with a start in my room at the Koneko before running across to Aya-chan to make sure she can see me. I'm not a puppet to be danced about at the ends of invisible strings while whoever makes your damned RULES laughs at my pain."

Its stretches its arm to its full length and holds out its hand to Kakyou.

He reaches out to take it, lips thinning.

Kakyou wakes up alone in a long, narrow box.

....Neither Aya nor Aya-chan probably even suspect Kakyou KNOWS half the words that come out of his mouth, let alone what they mean. He bangs at the sides of the box. The coffin, maybe?

It would be a plain coffin. Just a box. There is a thudding sound from the other side of the box. A body falling against it. Then there is the sound of a man weeping.

Kakyou pushes up as hard as he can, hoping it isn't locked.

The box does not budge. The sound of footsteps is almost too faint to be heard.

Aya-chan's voice is muffled. Kakyou may not be able to make out her saying. "Ran, you can't blame yourself."

Kakyou mutters another choice swear word. This is going to be too humiliating for words, and if it turns out he's still invisible and inaudible, it'll be for nothing. He screams.

The box is jostled as Aya-chan pulls Aya back from the box... and their footsteps move away. The box starts to move, pulled forward by a conveyor.

...Still inaudible, apparently. Kakyou goes back to trying to break open the coffin himself. Heaven or Hell was one thing, but he did NOT feel like being cremated when he didn't even remember dying!

There is a screech of metal as the furnace door opens. The top portion of the box catches fire.

This scream, unlike the other, is NOT a deliberate attempt to make himself heard.

The box gradually gets as hotter flame licks over the exterior.

Kakyou cries Aya's name, still banging against the sides of the box. "I don't want to die!"

Aya-chan's hand is cool as she caresses his cheek. Her breath is warm against his ear as she calls his name. “Kakyou. Time to wake up. Come on, sleepy-head. You're having a nightmare.”

Aya-chan. Really Aya-chan this time. Cool, but not cold, and breathing.

Hello, Aya-chan, have a shuddering blond clinging to you probably a little TOO tightly.

“Omph.” Aya-chan gasps. She would find the idea of a dreamgazer having a screaming nightmare more funny if he weren't so obviously upset. As soon as she gets her breath back, she reaches up to pet his hair. “It's alright. Everything is alright.'

Kakyou, for once, doesn't immediately melt at being petted. He's still trembling. He cries softly and pleadingly for Aya, interspersed with pleas for her not to go and random bits and pieces about needles and blood and fire that she, of course, won't understand at all.

Aya-chan doesn't need to understand why Kakyou is upset. She understands Kakyou is upset and wants her brother. She is able to wiggle free enough to take out her cellphone and press one on speed dial. She puts the phone on speaker, and stops murmuring comforting nonsense long enough to shout, “Ran, come now!” the moment he picks up.

Kakyou hides his face in Aya-chan's neck, forcing himself to stop babbling. He can't stop the shudders that wrack his slender frame, though.

She holds him tightly, stroking and petting him. It frightens her to see him so afraid.

It's going to take time for him to calm down. For now, it's all he can do to keep his mouth shut and try to control his crying.

"Kakyou," Aya's voice is soft and almost afraid. He immediately drops to the bed and reaches to pull Kakyou into his arms.

He barely has to. As soon as Kakyou hears Aya's voice and feels his touch, he practically throws himself into Aya's embrace, though one hand continues to hold onto Aya-chan, refusing to let her go.

Aya's hands are gentle as he cradles Kakyou's head. He looks as if he is close to crying himself at seeing Kakyou so upset. Aya leans in to kiss away Kakyou's tears.

“What is it? Tell me what's wrong?” He turns his head. “Aya?”

Her eyes widen as if to suggest she doesn't have any answers.

"Never...don't ever, EVER...." Kakyou looks up into Aya's eyes, pulling on his shirt hard with the hand not holding Aya-chan. "If...anything ever happens to me, don't you dare do anything stupid. Let people help you."

Aya looks desperately into Kakyou's eyes. His first instinct is to insist that he would never let anything happen to Kakyou. He knows he cannot keep that promise.

"I mean it!" Kakyou says, clear strain in his voice.

"Yes," Aya tries to press Kakyou against him like a mother trying to comfort a small child. "Yes, I promise. I swear."

The promise lets Kakyou finally relax a little bit, shivering lightly as he snuggles further into Aya's arms.

im rp

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