I'm A jOkEr...I'm A sMoKeR...i'M a MiDnIgHt ToKeR
I have come to a conclusion. If it isn't one thing... it's something else. I long for the day that everything is FINE! Not perfect, cuz nothing is... but just fine. I try to make one thing better.. but then something else gets worse. I'm so bad at this life thing lol
I quit Center Partners. No two week notice, not a word to anyone. I just kinda unintentionally stopped going. I just couldn't do it anymore. So then I became unintentionally unemployed with 500 dollars in bills due at the beginning of November (I quit a couple of weeks ago). My parents were absolutly thrilled when they found out.. haha except not! They bailed me out, but now I owe them a lot of money, plus next months bills. *Sighs* As much as I love money, I hate it. I did get a new job though. Today was my first day. I'm working at Macys in the Silverlake Mall. I love that store, and I get a 20% discount! haha.. just more money that I shouldn't be spending.
I am now down to one class at North Idaho College. First I dropped Philosophy cuz it was just too early in the morning, then I unintentionally stopped going to math, cuz that was even earlier, and I hated my Government class and my grade showed that. The teacher dropped me. So now all I have is Psychology and I'm trying to decide if I should return for another semester. I kind of want to but know that I would fail miserably. I don't know if I can cancel my financial aid though. I'll have to talk to them tomorrow when I go to class.
I haven't seen Chris in almost 3 weeks, or talked to him in almost 2. I really miss him. He won't talk to me though. I called him the other day to try and talk to him.. he hung up on me. All my friends tell me it's over, accept it and move on. But I'm having the hardest time. I don't want it to be over. I want to be with him. I can't stop thinking about him. Everything reminds me of him. Even stupid things like dental floss... *sighs* I would drive over there but I don't know what would happen. I'm assuming the worst, and I'm positive he would refuse to see me.. or yell at me or something. I don't know. I really don't understand why he won't talk to me. I know why he's mad. But the majority of that isn't my fault. I guess the timings just all wrong. I wish things would have went differently. And now he's online and it's taking every ounce of me not to say hi.
I can't run away anymore. I need to take care of this. But this is what's killing me, and all I've ever done is run from it. From the truth. I couldn't even tell you what the truth is cuz I've been running from it for so long. I could use a couple dozen hits... haha