Grieving and others
I don't know who exactly I've told, and who I haven't... It's been getting confusing who knows and who doesn't, so I'm going to post it here:
Yes, I have been grieving the past week or so. Yes, I have been in a bad mood, it's not your imagination. And yes, I will be OK with time.
What happened was several of the residents at the nursing home I volunteer at have passed away recently. Four of five of whom, I knew fairly well and worked with. Yes, there was a memorial service on Sunday and yes, I opted not to go in that day because of said service. I just felt at the time I was not ready to handle such an event.
Also, this has brought back a lot of the feelings that I missed with the last few residents who passed away that I knew. What happened then was that I felt so numb that I just moved on, and tried to forget. Now it's like the reality of it is setting in. It feels like a dead weight in my stomach and a pain in my throat, but it will pass.
Death is a very real part of life, and a real part of working at a nursing home... People go there when they have declined to a point which they can no longer care for themselves, they are either too ill or too old and weak to carry on without assistance. They go there to die, basically. That's the truth of the matter.
Yes, it does hurt. And no, it will not hurt forever.
Unfortunately, at the young age of a mere 18, I have known death for quite some time. It never gets easier with time, that is a lie. What gets better though, is that your skills to deal with each death that occurs improve with time. You learn to deal and move on... that's the way it is.
I thank those of you who cared about me enough to be worried, concerned, or even just to notice. However, I assure you, it will be alright. Today is a beautiful day, and I intend to take advantage of that! :)
Yes, I have been grieving the past week or so. Yes, I have been in a bad mood, it's not your imagination. And yes, I will be OK with time.
What happened was several of the residents at the nursing home I volunteer at have passed away recently. Four of five of whom, I knew fairly well and worked with. Yes, there was a memorial service on Sunday and yes, I opted not to go in that day because of said service. I just felt at the time I was not ready to handle such an event.
Also, this has brought back a lot of the feelings that I missed with the last few residents who passed away that I knew. What happened then was that I felt so numb that I just moved on, and tried to forget. Now it's like the reality of it is setting in. It feels like a dead weight in my stomach and a pain in my throat, but it will pass.
Death is a very real part of life, and a real part of working at a nursing home... People go there when they have declined to a point which they can no longer care for themselves, they are either too ill or too old and weak to carry on without assistance. They go there to die, basically. That's the truth of the matter.
Yes, it does hurt. And no, it will not hurt forever.
Unfortunately, at the young age of a mere 18, I have known death for quite some time. It never gets easier with time, that is a lie. What gets better though, is that your skills to deal with each death that occurs improve with time. You learn to deal and move on... that's the way it is.
I thank those of you who cared about me enough to be worried, concerned, or even just to notice. However, I assure you, it will be alright. Today is a beautiful day, and I intend to take advantage of that! :)