(no subject)
It's been forever since I've even logged in here. I thought I'd check things out.
It's been forever since I've talked to or seen a lot of people.
I'm not quite sure what's happened. I got a job, which I'm starting to think wasn't a great idea. I've made about $250 over the past couple months, but at what cost? That money won't be cherished. It won't be used on some great item that I've been saving for. It will be drained slowly on food and trinkets and conveniences, and then, it will be forgotten. The cost of this job has been my time, my energy, and my inspiration. It drains me to the point where things that were once of great importance to me become manifestations of my exhaustion and instigators of my indifference, the mere thought of them tiring me and discouraging me.
Anyway...
People deal what we have all come to believe as the infinity of our childhood lives differently. Some spend as much time as possible with the people and things that remind them of their childhood in an effort to make up for the lost time preemptively, desperately clinging to what they know will soon become their past. Others try to distract themselves from the thought of moving on by keeping themselves constantly occupied. Some sit at home in denial, forcing themselves to not accept the coming change as an inevitability. Some simply let their lives fade away in an attempt to lessen the shock of the drastic change that is coming. Most people are a combination of these things, but almost all of us share a common sensation: we are in purgatory. This is the quiet suffering of a hollowness that is living and growing inside of us. Not pain, not unhappiness, but an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty. We don't know how to feel, how to act, or what to think, and we certainly don't know what's coming. Though we all share these feelings, we are alone in the uncertainty that overflows and surrounds us.
That said, I miss my friends more than ever. Unfortunately, the feelings mentioned above cause a separation between us. The fact that we are all dealing with this slow, inevitable loss in different ways manifests itself in the form of a perceived lack of compatibility and a sudden change in personality. The truth is that we haven't changed. We are still the people that always got along so well. In my opinion, the real reason we separate is because we simply don't know how to say goodbye, and we subconsciously convince ourselves that it's a hell of a lot easier on our minds to lose friends willingly and slowly than it is to lose them suddenly and forcefully at the end of the summer when the people who have been part of our lives for so long are simply cut off.
Of course, this might just all be me, and I could sound like a crazy person to the rest of the world.
Either way, I don't want my childhood and my friendships to fade away, as painful as it may be to be separated by distance come fall. And, when you think about it, with today's technology, distance is no excuse for ending a friendship.
I want to see my friends a lot more before the summer ends. But, there are some conditions. I want to be with my friends. That's all. Just be with them, without the sense of urgency, without the distractions of forced activities and forced fun, and without the denial that change is coming. I want to do what I've always cherished the most with my friends: nothing. I want to do nothing, and to be happy about it. I want to be in a room with the closest friends that I have and bask in the fact that there are people in this world with which I can be completely and truly comfortable without having to do anything at all, for that is one of the hardest things to obtain in this world. It is something that we should be proud of, and never ever let fade away.
It's been forever since I've talked to or seen a lot of people.
I'm not quite sure what's happened. I got a job, which I'm starting to think wasn't a great idea. I've made about $250 over the past couple months, but at what cost? That money won't be cherished. It won't be used on some great item that I've been saving for. It will be drained slowly on food and trinkets and conveniences, and then, it will be forgotten. The cost of this job has been my time, my energy, and my inspiration. It drains me to the point where things that were once of great importance to me become manifestations of my exhaustion and instigators of my indifference, the mere thought of them tiring me and discouraging me.
Anyway...
People deal what we have all come to believe as the infinity of our childhood lives differently. Some spend as much time as possible with the people and things that remind them of their childhood in an effort to make up for the lost time preemptively, desperately clinging to what they know will soon become their past. Others try to distract themselves from the thought of moving on by keeping themselves constantly occupied. Some sit at home in denial, forcing themselves to not accept the coming change as an inevitability. Some simply let their lives fade away in an attempt to lessen the shock of the drastic change that is coming. Most people are a combination of these things, but almost all of us share a common sensation: we are in purgatory. This is the quiet suffering of a hollowness that is living and growing inside of us. Not pain, not unhappiness, but an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty. We don't know how to feel, how to act, or what to think, and we certainly don't know what's coming. Though we all share these feelings, we are alone in the uncertainty that overflows and surrounds us.
That said, I miss my friends more than ever. Unfortunately, the feelings mentioned above cause a separation between us. The fact that we are all dealing with this slow, inevitable loss in different ways manifests itself in the form of a perceived lack of compatibility and a sudden change in personality. The truth is that we haven't changed. We are still the people that always got along so well. In my opinion, the real reason we separate is because we simply don't know how to say goodbye, and we subconsciously convince ourselves that it's a hell of a lot easier on our minds to lose friends willingly and slowly than it is to lose them suddenly and forcefully at the end of the summer when the people who have been part of our lives for so long are simply cut off.
Of course, this might just all be me, and I could sound like a crazy person to the rest of the world.
Either way, I don't want my childhood and my friendships to fade away, as painful as it may be to be separated by distance come fall. And, when you think about it, with today's technology, distance is no excuse for ending a friendship.
I want to see my friends a lot more before the summer ends. But, there are some conditions. I want to be with my friends. That's all. Just be with them, without the sense of urgency, without the distractions of forced activities and forced fun, and without the denial that change is coming. I want to do what I've always cherished the most with my friends: nothing. I want to do nothing, and to be happy about it. I want to be in a room with the closest friends that I have and bask in the fact that there are people in this world with which I can be completely and truly comfortable without having to do anything at all, for that is one of the hardest things to obtain in this world. It is something that we should be proud of, and never ever let fade away.