why
Had an argument with my mom today, about a paper I wrote for school (for those of you who remember- it was the one about the US military). I had started to read some of it to her, cos she asked, but then my dad came in the room and I couldnt read any further. I shut down. He would not agree with it. Not at all. And he would ask all the right hard questions, too, so I would be stammering and flustered and embarassed. So...I didnt talk, I mumbles excuses. And my mm started yelling, about how unfair I was to my father. And I muttered more, about how they didnt need to hear my opinions and I would only upset and disappiont them. So my mom screamed back, "Do you think stop liking you when we disagree with you?!?" So I screamed back, "If thats true- you must hate me by now!!!" I froze. She froze. He froze. And I thought. I know what I think and say and act upon many times seems stupid or wrong or rude to them. But they still try to get along with me. And they love me. I lose sight of it in my own inability to feel comfortable back in the town where I grew up- in my inability to live with myself. And I felt like crying, or laughing, or screaming, or driving really really fast, or just showing something. But, in typical fashion- I didnt. I just started to explain edited portions of my paper to them. And we all tried to settle in to our peace.