Feeling Down...
I don't understand what is wrong with me. I'm trying as hard as I can to understand, but I can't seem to understand the work and how she want's it presented. I have the understanding, but to put that down on paper is a horrible, trying, pointless charade that keeps going and going. It's like no matter what I do there is something wrong with it. I am going to ask her if she would give me some extra help. I really want to pass! I think that if she knows how hard I am trying that she may show some mercy. I don't know though because Carol Thorne has always picked her favorites and stuck with them. If she does not like you she makes sure that you know it. I don't know what I did wrong. honestly...I'm doing my best. but...as usual, my best is not good enough.
Why did I even bother trying to get an education. I'll only ever be average anyways. It's not like I'm anything special in regards to ANYTHING. I'm just me. I'm not good at math, I'm not good at science, I can barely achieve a B- in any English class. I can't act. I'm not that great an entertainer. I am not that good at childcare....all of the things I think I might be good at somehow backfires and I get the shit stick. I should have just stayed at home and worked in a minimum wage job for the rest of my life. I'm not good enough to succeed at anything else. My professors have made that very clear.
I try to talk to Carol and she just ignores me. She carries on conversations with Tara, Matt, and Carolyn but ignores me completely when I have a comment to make about linguistics. I feel like she hates me. I got 4/20 on my last assignment. She marked me wrong for having the right answers in the wrong order for God sakes. My data and thought process was correct, but I did not say it right so she gave me a big fat X. FRIG!!!! I feel like crying...a lot.
I've been really irritable lately. like I'm not fun to be around at all it seems. I don't think I'm stressed out, but I just feel like I wanna crawl under a rock and hide for a while. The next few days are going to be quiet ones.
I'm afraid that my friends are not seeing the real Andrea anymore. I am not sure I have a defined identity anymore. All of the interests that I used to identify with are no longer big parts of my life....eh....maybe this is just my monthly identity crisis. I think that All of the uproar and transitions happening at once is stressing me out more than I know. I'm graduating in a month IF I pass ALL of my classes. that's stressful. I'm trying to do well in everything, but when I get marks like 4/20 and 0/20 I am afraid that I won't graduate. I'm moving in a month and attempting to get situated and packed. I have work to worry about and bills. I have MORE expenses now because of the new apartment. I can barely afford the apartment I'm in. I have to think about getting a good job after graduation, and paying loans back...plus staying okay with Mike. He has been less than supportive recently because he works so much....Tara has been my rock lately. I'm lucky to have her because shes such an awesome person. She knows who I am even when I don't...
Anyways...I've complained enough for one day. I'll just go and dwell some more.
Why did I even bother trying to get an education. I'll only ever be average anyways. It's not like I'm anything special in regards to ANYTHING. I'm just me. I'm not good at math, I'm not good at science, I can barely achieve a B- in any English class. I can't act. I'm not that great an entertainer. I am not that good at childcare....all of the things I think I might be good at somehow backfires and I get the shit stick. I should have just stayed at home and worked in a minimum wage job for the rest of my life. I'm not good enough to succeed at anything else. My professors have made that very clear.
I try to talk to Carol and she just ignores me. She carries on conversations with Tara, Matt, and Carolyn but ignores me completely when I have a comment to make about linguistics. I feel like she hates me. I got 4/20 on my last assignment. She marked me wrong for having the right answers in the wrong order for God sakes. My data and thought process was correct, but I did not say it right so she gave me a big fat X. FRIG!!!! I feel like crying...a lot.
I've been really irritable lately. like I'm not fun to be around at all it seems. I don't think I'm stressed out, but I just feel like I wanna crawl under a rock and hide for a while. The next few days are going to be quiet ones.
I'm afraid that my friends are not seeing the real Andrea anymore. I am not sure I have a defined identity anymore. All of the interests that I used to identify with are no longer big parts of my life....eh....maybe this is just my monthly identity crisis. I think that All of the uproar and transitions happening at once is stressing me out more than I know. I'm graduating in a month IF I pass ALL of my classes. that's stressful. I'm trying to do well in everything, but when I get marks like 4/20 and 0/20 I am afraid that I won't graduate. I'm moving in a month and attempting to get situated and packed. I have work to worry about and bills. I have MORE expenses now because of the new apartment. I can barely afford the apartment I'm in. I have to think about getting a good job after graduation, and paying loans back...plus staying okay with Mike. He has been less than supportive recently because he works so much....Tara has been my rock lately. I'm lucky to have her because shes such an awesome person. She knows who I am even when I don't...
Anyways...I've complained enough for one day. I'll just go and dwell some more.