Kansas City Hates Me
I went to KC yesterday to see my new special gal around 2PM. We hung out, watched 3 ninjas and War of the Worlds, and then went back to her place to talk and watch some adult swim. I ended up rolling out of that place at 3:20AM.
Exhausted and on my way home I'm high up on the i-435 to i-470 interchange when I get a flat tire. So begins my KC odyssey.
I get out and start wrestling with the lug nuts while cars quickly passed and shook the bridge I was on. The lug nuts were on really tight from when I had that very same tire repaired a few months before. I got all the nuts loosened except the special lock one. I tried my damnedest and ended up stripping it. It was just on there too tight. Great.
I try to flag down about 3 different cars, then I realize I'm on a turning bridge in a 70 mph zone and the shoulder is really small. You'd have to be crazy to stop and help some guy at 3:30 AM there. Confused and cellphoneless I hike down off the bridge and over some rocks in a drainage area. I get to abandoned strip mail. I wander around on the road a bit till I get to some sort of truck depot with the lights on and warehouse doors open. I shout a little to see if someone is around but get no answer. I saw a big Quintiles sign earlier with an imposing fence around it and decide to try my luck there.
I wave my arms and yell, "Excuse me, sir," till one of the guards sees me. He talks to the other guard and then they both stroll down to me. I ask if I can use their phone, but he tells me that I am not allowed on the property without a pass. He then tells me to go up to Bannister, take a left, and keep walking till I get to a Quicktrip.
I walk along the road in a distinctly residential area. I keep wondering how the heck a gas station could be in an area like this, but choiceless I continue on. The grass on the side of the road sure looked comfy. 6 miles later, tired and thirsty, I get to the wretched gas station.
I get 5 dollars in quarters and go to town on the pay phone. I try calling my parents 3 times and then realize they're in Colorado visiting my sister. I call 411 a few times; They give me a number that can't be completed without a calling card. I try the operator; He gets mad at me. I call a tow truck; They say they can't get the lock lug nut off and they'll have to tow me to a car repair place. I call Jason's house in Topeka; Well, I try and can't remember the right numbers. I call Budget Cabs; They have me call one of their drivers who has me call Yellow Caps because she's busy.
I call Yellow Cab and wait. I buy a lemonade. The lemonade's been gone for a long time when I finally see a Yellow cab pull up. I greet the driver with a hello and a "Are you here for Greg?" She looks at me with a shocked smile and says no. The sun comes up. One of the QT clerks comes out to wash the door for the third time while I've been there and tells me I can have a free drink. I tell him about Yellow Cab forgetting about me, and he says I can use their phone. I call again and this time I get to wait in the comfort of air conditioning and what seemed to be every black person in the world's stare. I'd have stared too, I had grass on me and I my hands and face were covered in black gunk from whittling down my lock lug nut. I see another yellow cab pass by on the road not ment for Greg. The QT guy that offered me a free drink was getting off work, so I hatched a plan. I withdrew 20 dollars from the ATM there and asked him if he could drop me off in Lee's Summit on his way home for 20 dollars. The said that it was on his way and wouldn't be a problem. On the way out I see another Yellow Cab parked in the QT parking lot. I ask a guy standing near it if he's the driver and he says no. I go in and ask another guy if he's the driver and says yes, but he's not there for Greg. He asks me if I can pay in cash and I say yes.
I hop in the car with him and tell him what happened to me. He busts into his life story. 10 years in the military, 4 kids, robbed once of 400 dollars by a fare, found the guy later, almost shot him, talked of the importance of family, talked about some jewish senators son he met in the military who got disowned by his dad, said he never wanted to be a cabbie but has been one for 16 years. It was all interesting, but he just went on and on. Reminded me of David Shin. He got a call on his cell phone, so I had to give him instructions on where to go through pointing. While eating a donut, talking on a cell, and driving, he said some real gems "Robbie was acting real grown, tellin' me not to dis his girlfriend." "Who'd he think he was talkin' to?" "I think one of them guys was touchin' on the kids." I nearly died when he mid-donut said "touchin' on the kids." He drops me off and the fare is 21.35. I had a 20 and a 10 and ask him if he has change. He gives an exasperated "NO!" He only takes my 20 though. I shake his hand and walk down back at Shanon's house.
I knock on the door a couple times and throw a spool of thread at her window all, I thought it was very Say Anything style. There was no answer for a long time and the door was locked. The concrete outside her place started to look real comfy. However, she opens the door and says I woke up Cierra who then woke her up.
About 4 hours later, I'm saved or kind of. I tell them my story, make a lot of inappropriate "Touchin' on the kids" jokes, then go to sleep. The next morning I ride with Cierra and Shanon. Shanon, a gymnastics instructor, gets dropped off at the gym. Cierra drives me to my car and I call the same towing company that I talked to the night before. I just suck up my pride and prepare for a rejected debit card as they would be towing my car about 15 miles.
I talk with Cierra about high school and all her hit and miss internet relationships for 40mins. I show the towing guys my wheel and what couldn't be fixed at 5 AM could be fixed at 2 PM. He hammered my lug nut key in and pulled that stripped nut right off. My debit card went through and got a 45 dollar fee instead of being slapped with an 80 dollar fee and a useless car in KC. I drive off and Celebration by Kool And The Gang comes on the radio. Needless to say, I rock out.
Exhausted and on my way home I'm high up on the i-435 to i-470 interchange when I get a flat tire. So begins my KC odyssey.
I get out and start wrestling with the lug nuts while cars quickly passed and shook the bridge I was on. The lug nuts were on really tight from when I had that very same tire repaired a few months before. I got all the nuts loosened except the special lock one. I tried my damnedest and ended up stripping it. It was just on there too tight. Great.
I try to flag down about 3 different cars, then I realize I'm on a turning bridge in a 70 mph zone and the shoulder is really small. You'd have to be crazy to stop and help some guy at 3:30 AM there. Confused and cellphoneless I hike down off the bridge and over some rocks in a drainage area. I get to abandoned strip mail. I wander around on the road a bit till I get to some sort of truck depot with the lights on and warehouse doors open. I shout a little to see if someone is around but get no answer. I saw a big Quintiles sign earlier with an imposing fence around it and decide to try my luck there.
I wave my arms and yell, "Excuse me, sir," till one of the guards sees me. He talks to the other guard and then they both stroll down to me. I ask if I can use their phone, but he tells me that I am not allowed on the property without a pass. He then tells me to go up to Bannister, take a left, and keep walking till I get to a Quicktrip.
I walk along the road in a distinctly residential area. I keep wondering how the heck a gas station could be in an area like this, but choiceless I continue on. The grass on the side of the road sure looked comfy. 6 miles later, tired and thirsty, I get to the wretched gas station.
I get 5 dollars in quarters and go to town on the pay phone. I try calling my parents 3 times and then realize they're in Colorado visiting my sister. I call 411 a few times; They give me a number that can't be completed without a calling card. I try the operator; He gets mad at me. I call a tow truck; They say they can't get the lock lug nut off and they'll have to tow me to a car repair place. I call Jason's house in Topeka; Well, I try and can't remember the right numbers. I call Budget Cabs; They have me call one of their drivers who has me call Yellow Caps because she's busy.
I call Yellow Cab and wait. I buy a lemonade. The lemonade's been gone for a long time when I finally see a Yellow cab pull up. I greet the driver with a hello and a "Are you here for Greg?" She looks at me with a shocked smile and says no. The sun comes up. One of the QT clerks comes out to wash the door for the third time while I've been there and tells me I can have a free drink. I tell him about Yellow Cab forgetting about me, and he says I can use their phone. I call again and this time I get to wait in the comfort of air conditioning and what seemed to be every black person in the world's stare. I'd have stared too, I had grass on me and I my hands and face were covered in black gunk from whittling down my lock lug nut. I see another yellow cab pass by on the road not ment for Greg. The QT guy that offered me a free drink was getting off work, so I hatched a plan. I withdrew 20 dollars from the ATM there and asked him if he could drop me off in Lee's Summit on his way home for 20 dollars. The said that it was on his way and wouldn't be a problem. On the way out I see another Yellow Cab parked in the QT parking lot. I ask a guy standing near it if he's the driver and he says no. I go in and ask another guy if he's the driver and says yes, but he's not there for Greg. He asks me if I can pay in cash and I say yes.
I hop in the car with him and tell him what happened to me. He busts into his life story. 10 years in the military, 4 kids, robbed once of 400 dollars by a fare, found the guy later, almost shot him, talked of the importance of family, talked about some jewish senators son he met in the military who got disowned by his dad, said he never wanted to be a cabbie but has been one for 16 years. It was all interesting, but he just went on and on. Reminded me of David Shin. He got a call on his cell phone, so I had to give him instructions on where to go through pointing. While eating a donut, talking on a cell, and driving, he said some real gems "Robbie was acting real grown, tellin' me not to dis his girlfriend." "Who'd he think he was talkin' to?" "I think one of them guys was touchin' on the kids." I nearly died when he mid-donut said "touchin' on the kids." He drops me off and the fare is 21.35. I had a 20 and a 10 and ask him if he has change. He gives an exasperated "NO!" He only takes my 20 though. I shake his hand and walk down back at Shanon's house.
I knock on the door a couple times and throw a spool of thread at her window all, I thought it was very Say Anything style. There was no answer for a long time and the door was locked. The concrete outside her place started to look real comfy. However, she opens the door and says I woke up Cierra who then woke her up.
About 4 hours later, I'm saved or kind of. I tell them my story, make a lot of inappropriate "Touchin' on the kids" jokes, then go to sleep. The next morning I ride with Cierra and Shanon. Shanon, a gymnastics instructor, gets dropped off at the gym. Cierra drives me to my car and I call the same towing company that I talked to the night before. I just suck up my pride and prepare for a rejected debit card as they would be towing my car about 15 miles.
I talk with Cierra about high school and all her hit and miss internet relationships for 40mins. I show the towing guys my wheel and what couldn't be fixed at 5 AM could be fixed at 2 PM. He hammered my lug nut key in and pulled that stripped nut right off. My debit card went through and got a 45 dollar fee instead of being slapped with an 80 dollar fee and a useless car in KC. I drive off and Celebration by Kool And The Gang comes on the radio. Needless to say, I rock out.