the end to an era
i was going through my computer and found a story i wrote senior year. i totally forgot about it and it cracked me up. this made me realize how happy and funny i used to be....
Lately i've felt how i haven't felt in over 2 years. I started paying attention to life again and instead of acting like an observer i've been interacting with the world around me.
i've been doing things, feeling feelings again, being productive and generally living.
ever since april 2004 i've been headed down hill. it began with over indulgence in sex, then when school began i added a layer of weed to the cake of self-distruction. finally this year i topped it off with a nice thick layer of alcholism.
i was blind to body and mind decomposing before my eyes. even after being caught in a net and tackled by a cop, it just wouldn't sink in.
i blamed my parents, the alchol i drank,the drugs i did,the ciggerettes i had a love/hate relationship with, i even blamed my the firends i had and the girlfriend i had at the time and the girls i cheated on her with.
it wasn't my fault i was a fuck up right? it was their control over me, i'm awesome, i know what i'm doing, its their BAD influence on me.
i should live by myself, in a cabin in the woods, then everything would be ok, then i would be happy! right!
there finally came a day where my parents said i should see a counciler.
this was the begging to my self relization. i took a step back and looked at what i was doing.
i spent the summer looking for answers and ways to tweak my life. maybe if i work out or take a hobby.
nothing really worked. then i read some philosphy and met a SANE girl.
how i fixed my life is not important, the point i'm trying to get across is this:
i stopped living life.
we are humans, we are supposed to evolve and better ourselves and never stop changing. we are supposed to try things and learn. we can either live a meaningless life like a bum, or be passionate with everything we do.
when i started this journal, i started to live my life not for myself, but for everyone else. my happiness came from the happiness of other people and extrensic happiness works but not for long. constantly having to make new friends and meet new people.
Change the friends so you don't have to change, was my motto.
i know now i need to live life for myself. to put it bluntly "do what makes you happy and fuck the rest"
THE END.
Lately i've felt how i haven't felt in over 2 years. I started paying attention to life again and instead of acting like an observer i've been interacting with the world around me.
i've been doing things, feeling feelings again, being productive and generally living.
ever since april 2004 i've been headed down hill. it began with over indulgence in sex, then when school began i added a layer of weed to the cake of self-distruction. finally this year i topped it off with a nice thick layer of alcholism.
i was blind to body and mind decomposing before my eyes. even after being caught in a net and tackled by a cop, it just wouldn't sink in.
i blamed my parents, the alchol i drank,the drugs i did,the ciggerettes i had a love/hate relationship with, i even blamed my the firends i had and the girlfriend i had at the time and the girls i cheated on her with.
it wasn't my fault i was a fuck up right? it was their control over me, i'm awesome, i know what i'm doing, its their BAD influence on me.
i should live by myself, in a cabin in the woods, then everything would be ok, then i would be happy! right!
there finally came a day where my parents said i should see a counciler.
this was the begging to my self relization. i took a step back and looked at what i was doing.
i spent the summer looking for answers and ways to tweak my life. maybe if i work out or take a hobby.
nothing really worked. then i read some philosphy and met a SANE girl.
how i fixed my life is not important, the point i'm trying to get across is this:
i stopped living life.
we are humans, we are supposed to evolve and better ourselves and never stop changing. we are supposed to try things and learn. we can either live a meaningless life like a bum, or be passionate with everything we do.
when i started this journal, i started to live my life not for myself, but for everyone else. my happiness came from the happiness of other people and extrensic happiness works but not for long. constantly having to make new friends and meet new people.
Change the friends so you don't have to change, was my motto.
i know now i need to live life for myself. to put it bluntly "do what makes you happy and fuck the rest"
THE END.