May as well jump on the fecking bandwagon

[drcampbell]

You Are the Kitchen

Comments

[touchkitndie]

What's wrong with the fecking bandwagon, Campbell? They're your family on the bandwagon. Sort of.

[drcampbell]

Bite me. I'd rather be jumping something else. I could die today. I should get one last shag.

[touchkitndie]

What happened to the joys of marriage sex?

[drcampbell]

She's packing and it's nay my package she's packing. The bairn needs more stuff than us two combined.

[touchkitndie]

Well, fuck. I'd help you out, mate, but your cock just willnae do it for me. Sorry.

[drcampbell]

Gotta secret for you, buddy. Cock doesnae do it for me full stop. I want Tara's soft warm bits. And she's wearing my track pants with this tank top and her hair is all up and sexy and... hn...

[touchkitndie]

Should I leave you, your cock and your right hand alone?

[drcampbell]

I wank left handed.

[touchkitndie]

Well, la-di-fucking-da.

You just have to be awesome at everything, don't you?

[drcampbell]

I'm disgustingly talented.

[touchkitndie]

I still play drums better than you. And as talented as you are, no one else makes your rhythm sound as good as me. So stick that up your kilt and let it warm your arse.

[drcampbell]

Aye, you bang well, my friend.

[touchkitndie]

And don't you forget it.

Can I ask you something...

[drcampbell]

Only when I'm being banged myself. My wife will always be my Number One Banger.

Aye, 'course.

[touchkitndie]

She looks like a pretty decent banger. In that whole, I'm a mate and would never, ever touch her way. Or think about it.

How do I ask someone out without looking like a wanker?

[drcampbell]

Man, she debauched my guitar. I came in my pants. I love being married.

You open your mouth and say "Would you like to have dinner with me?" Start trying to get tricky, and you're on a one way ticket to wankerdom. Trust me. That is out of the mouth of someone who rode the wankerdom train for nearly three months with his wife before they got it together.