Wedding day blues...
Not much happened today. Keith said that he has to wait till Monday till he can decide whether he wants to live with me. So now I have to wait longer. I also found out Missy and Mike's wedding is in June, but it's not the same as Tara's. Of course, it's in Mexico, so I don't know if I'm going. It actually depends on if Keith moves in with me.
Speaking of Tara's wedding, I talked her about it. I finally told her what it would take to definitely get me to come. But just as my style is to get hung up on stupid little things that I want to hear, her style is to not to tell me those stupid little things. The more I think about it, though, the more I realize that perhaps I'm asking too much. Naturally I want to hear that it's important to her that I attend the wedding, but when I think about it, is it really important to her? Should it be? I mean, this wedding is about her and Tony, not me. Is this just another attempt to make everything about me, even when things have nothing to do with me? I mean, I get this image of her being at the altar and looking back at an empty seat where I'm supposed to be sitting and getting all sad about it, but I think that might be too presumptuous. She's got a lot more people to be concerned with than just me. As much as I like to make myself believe that I'm very important in Tara's life, I'm really just fooling myself. How is my going or not going to the wedding any different than say Jamie, or Kevin, or her friends from club, or anybody else not going? I'm simply not as important to any of this as I like to make myself out to be, perhaps I should realize this.
But if I'm not that important to Tara or this wedding, why should I go in the first place? I mean, going to see a girl who dumped my ass marry the guy I in some ways feel she dumped my ass for is not my idea of a good time. But then again, this is not about me, this is about Tara, and she deserves to have the wedding she wants. So if it's important to her that I be there, than I should go. But that's only if it's important to her, so if she tells me that my attending is important, then I should go, but now I'm right back where I started. I'm now going in circles.
Of course, none of this takes into account the fact that I'd feel awkward at the wedding and/or reception.
Thought of the Day: Sometimes I wonder if I overanalyze things too much...
Quote of the Day: "The farther you go, the closer you are..." - David Bitzenhofer
Speaking of Tara's wedding, I talked her about it. I finally told her what it would take to definitely get me to come. But just as my style is to get hung up on stupid little things that I want to hear, her style is to not to tell me those stupid little things. The more I think about it, though, the more I realize that perhaps I'm asking too much. Naturally I want to hear that it's important to her that I attend the wedding, but when I think about it, is it really important to her? Should it be? I mean, this wedding is about her and Tony, not me. Is this just another attempt to make everything about me, even when things have nothing to do with me? I mean, I get this image of her being at the altar and looking back at an empty seat where I'm supposed to be sitting and getting all sad about it, but I think that might be too presumptuous. She's got a lot more people to be concerned with than just me. As much as I like to make myself believe that I'm very important in Tara's life, I'm really just fooling myself. How is my going or not going to the wedding any different than say Jamie, or Kevin, or her friends from club, or anybody else not going? I'm simply not as important to any of this as I like to make myself out to be, perhaps I should realize this.
But if I'm not that important to Tara or this wedding, why should I go in the first place? I mean, going to see a girl who dumped my ass marry the guy I in some ways feel she dumped my ass for is not my idea of a good time. But then again, this is not about me, this is about Tara, and she deserves to have the wedding she wants. So if it's important to her that I be there, than I should go. But that's only if it's important to her, so if she tells me that my attending is important, then I should go, but now I'm right back where I started. I'm now going in circles.
Of course, none of this takes into account the fact that I'd feel awkward at the wedding and/or reception.
Thought of the Day: Sometimes I wonder if I overanalyze things too much...
Quote of the Day: "The farther you go, the closer you are..." - David Bitzenhofer