Happiness is the leading cause of death...
It seems to me that the universe is kind of tricky. It deprives you of happiness for a considerable amount of time. So much so that you get to the point where all hope is lost and you are reaching for the gun.. just then a miracle happens and something GOOD occurs.
After this almighty event, you begin to realize that only happy people die. Since my new found happiness with Ryan I have: fallen while drunk and bruised my ribcage, fallen off my bike and bruised myself majorly, almost gotten in several car accidents, tripped over things, and other events that make me think the world is out to kill me now that I have something to smile about.
I have therefore come to the conclusion that those who WANT to die, will not die. And those of us who are happy and want to live.. will die. Thus the tragedy of how the world works.
Not to mention, all good things WILL end.. or else something bad will happen to interrupt the good thing. This is why I am biding my time, trying not to be too happy about the butterflies that keep popping into my tummy or else maybe something bad will happen.
Oh! How i love optimistic pessimism! =0)
Its weird. We have a good time together.. like friends.. we hang out and play video games, go walking around, go shopping, attend parties, talk. and he is teaching me warhammer!!!!! (yay!!!) Its nice to have someone social..someone who will go out and do things with me.. but at the same time.. i feel this "darkness" inside and it keeps coming closer.. kind of like The Nothing.
Eating away at everything in its path. I wonder if when it hits if He will run and hide from it. It's possible. And the prospect hurts me a little.
But whats a little more rejection?
Not like I haven't dished out enough of it in my life time.
I can't believe im 19... makes me feel old.
Im supposed to go with Ryan to a drag party tomorrow night. Lots of people. Ick. Oh well.. haha Hey just because i like people who are social doesn't mean I want to be social hahaha.. oh well.. I just don't know what girlies wear to a drag party eh? any ideas anyone?
Not that anyone really reads this anyways.. haha.. which.. is nice .. since that means I don't have to care what i write in here..
After this almighty event, you begin to realize that only happy people die. Since my new found happiness with Ryan I have: fallen while drunk and bruised my ribcage, fallen off my bike and bruised myself majorly, almost gotten in several car accidents, tripped over things, and other events that make me think the world is out to kill me now that I have something to smile about.
I have therefore come to the conclusion that those who WANT to die, will not die. And those of us who are happy and want to live.. will die. Thus the tragedy of how the world works.
Not to mention, all good things WILL end.. or else something bad will happen to interrupt the good thing. This is why I am biding my time, trying not to be too happy about the butterflies that keep popping into my tummy or else maybe something bad will happen.
Oh! How i love optimistic pessimism! =0)
Its weird. We have a good time together.. like friends.. we hang out and play video games, go walking around, go shopping, attend parties, talk. and he is teaching me warhammer!!!!! (yay!!!) Its nice to have someone social..someone who will go out and do things with me.. but at the same time.. i feel this "darkness" inside and it keeps coming closer.. kind of like The Nothing.
Eating away at everything in its path. I wonder if when it hits if He will run and hide from it. It's possible. And the prospect hurts me a little.
But whats a little more rejection?
Not like I haven't dished out enough of it in my life time.
I can't believe im 19... makes me feel old.
Im supposed to go with Ryan to a drag party tomorrow night. Lots of people. Ick. Oh well.. haha Hey just because i like people who are social doesn't mean I want to be social hahaha.. oh well.. I just don't know what girlies wear to a drag party eh? any ideas anyone?
Not that anyone really reads this anyways.. haha.. which.. is nice .. since that means I don't have to care what i write in here..