May 09, 2006 22:59
i think i'm drowning.
what is wrong with me? why am i getting so self-centred? why am i so concerned about myself and not about others?
i have no more friends; they've all gone, one by one, and it's probably all my fault.
see, it's that stupid selfish demanding mentality again. i really need to stop thinking about myself all the time.
there's a chemistry test tomorrow, and our french presentation. then on thursday, there's the bio test. and next week, there's nothing, thank fuck. then the week after is the last week of school, on which there's social studies, there's french and there's chinese. and blessed june holidays after that's done.
school eats our souls and kills our spirits. it blinds us and keeps us from being able to see what really matters. it's like there are so many roads we can choose to take; there are small shady roads that lead to places we'll never know till we walk to the end, then there are big bright wide roads with the end in plain view, then there are roads that we have to make ourselves, and roads with traps. but for us, the road we're on is a railroad, we can't ever get off it until we're derailed, and when we are, it's going to be catastrophe.
for me, i'd rather walk from road to road til i find the right road. i will never be content to just follow the train and go whereever it takes me, because i want to have a choice.
intepret that how you will; call me lazy, crazy, whatever, i don't give a shit. or even if i do, you wouldn't give a shit whether or not i give a shit.
to hell with deep thoughts, i'm going to bed because there's a chem test and the french presentation tomorrow.