(no subject)
Oh, look at that! I'm back on LJ! Needing to get my meaningless thoughts and feelings out.
Let's start with my 'best friend'. I'm there for her 24/7. Always. 2 am? I'm there. 3 in the afternoon? Why not. But what I don't understand the most is why she isn't there for me. Why doesn't she ever listen to me rant and rave when I'm upset, but I do for her all the time? That I've been buying cigarettes for the both of us for the last...I don't even know how long. And she says I owe her money? Fuck that. I've put more money into that girl that I have ANYONE. But that's a whole other story. But honestly. We were walking around Little Presque today, and I asked her what the fuck has been wrong with her for the last week. (she's been sleeping with some new guy for a week or so) She told me that she is starting to hate me because I sit and bitch and moan about every wrong thing in my life. I don't bitch...I ask for advice. Advice is always nice. Well, not in this case apparently. I was told that because I bitch about everything is why I don't have any friends. I'm sorry you're the only friend I get to see because of not only my fucked up work schedule, but everyone else's. So I'm hated because I want to talk about my problems, and get advice on how to potentially fix them, alright. Cool. Anyways, after she made me cry, she felt terrible and apologized. The first apology I have ever fucking received from her in a long time. A sincere one anyways. Well things got a little better after that. Proceeded to talk about her fuck buddy, or whatever she's calling him, and I told her I was only upset about it because I was jealous that she could just put herself out there like that, and I can't. It's terrible. Well, whatever. We got dinner, and then drove around for a while like we usually do. Well, usually used to do. Anyways, we head out to the casino to go get cigs, (like, oh my god she's actually going to buy a carton this time! yeah!) well, she was 3 dollars short, so decides to play a hand of blackjack to see if she could get money. Well, an hour later I walked in there to tell her she was in there for an hour and I'd been sitting in the car. Well, she had 35 on the table, and in the 10 minutes of me using the bathroom and going back to the car, she lost it. Awesome. Fucking great. So now I'm stuck with a cheap ass pack of smokes (that I ended up paying for, surprise) and a lot of upset-ness. Anyways, we get to my house and she starts to take off. Now, I don't have a porch light so I needed her to stay until I got the door unlocked so I could have light. She starts taking off, I run to the car and say "I need to fucking open my door before you take off!" and then I got in, waved, and she drove off. Now, she said she was so exhausted before I got out of the car. I had called her a few minutes after to apologize for being a bitch, and I heard his voice in the background. I wanted to say something so badly, and I still do, but I can't say them. I need to hold them in. Fuck it, I'll say them here in hopes that I'll feel better. "Have fun. Don't get fucking caught. If you do you're fucked. You're stupid for doing this. I thought you were fucking exhausted? What the fuck happened? You're so fucking stupid. I guess just be careful. Love ya."
And that is how my night went. I'm fucking exhausted, but I'm actually going to go to bed and now go sleep with someone.
The end.
Let's start with my 'best friend'. I'm there for her 24/7. Always. 2 am? I'm there. 3 in the afternoon? Why not. But what I don't understand the most is why she isn't there for me. Why doesn't she ever listen to me rant and rave when I'm upset, but I do for her all the time? That I've been buying cigarettes for the both of us for the last...I don't even know how long. And she says I owe her money? Fuck that. I've put more money into that girl that I have ANYONE. But that's a whole other story. But honestly. We were walking around Little Presque today, and I asked her what the fuck has been wrong with her for the last week. (she's been sleeping with some new guy for a week or so) She told me that she is starting to hate me because I sit and bitch and moan about every wrong thing in my life. I don't bitch...I ask for advice. Advice is always nice. Well, not in this case apparently. I was told that because I bitch about everything is why I don't have any friends. I'm sorry you're the only friend I get to see because of not only my fucked up work schedule, but everyone else's. So I'm hated because I want to talk about my problems, and get advice on how to potentially fix them, alright. Cool. Anyways, after she made me cry, she felt terrible and apologized. The first apology I have ever fucking received from her in a long time. A sincere one anyways. Well things got a little better after that. Proceeded to talk about her fuck buddy, or whatever she's calling him, and I told her I was only upset about it because I was jealous that she could just put herself out there like that, and I can't. It's terrible. Well, whatever. We got dinner, and then drove around for a while like we usually do. Well, usually used to do. Anyways, we head out to the casino to go get cigs, (like, oh my god she's actually going to buy a carton this time! yeah!) well, she was 3 dollars short, so decides to play a hand of blackjack to see if she could get money. Well, an hour later I walked in there to tell her she was in there for an hour and I'd been sitting in the car. Well, she had 35 on the table, and in the 10 minutes of me using the bathroom and going back to the car, she lost it. Awesome. Fucking great. So now I'm stuck with a cheap ass pack of smokes (that I ended up paying for, surprise) and a lot of upset-ness. Anyways, we get to my house and she starts to take off. Now, I don't have a porch light so I needed her to stay until I got the door unlocked so I could have light. She starts taking off, I run to the car and say "I need to fucking open my door before you take off!" and then I got in, waved, and she drove off. Now, she said she was so exhausted before I got out of the car. I had called her a few minutes after to apologize for being a bitch, and I heard his voice in the background. I wanted to say something so badly, and I still do, but I can't say them. I need to hold them in. Fuck it, I'll say them here in hopes that I'll feel better. "Have fun. Don't get fucking caught. If you do you're fucked. You're stupid for doing this. I thought you were fucking exhausted? What the fuck happened? You're so fucking stupid. I guess just be careful. Love ya."
And that is how my night went. I'm fucking exhausted, but I'm actually going to go to bed and now go sleep with someone.
The end.