Answers to etcet's comments....
I totally ganked this from etcet. But I felt the need to answer.
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die
Get past my password. No one gets those...except x3efbs2i45s#%im. Guess what it's for...WRONG. So I am safe.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
Don't argue unless you are right.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
I just take those naps at work. I call them "entering my time in [enter work tracking product here].
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
Comic sans works. Honestly, since everyone hates it, so does Times New Roman.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
That's what pillow cases are for - throw the damn thing in that.
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
Yes - it proves to people that my handwriting could indeed be worse.
7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Those are for the idiots who live in Tampa Bay who get lost getting back to their front door after getting their mail. On the box hanging by their front door.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
That ought to be mandatory.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
I feel the same way about being hungry.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
No wonder I tell stories so well, and have so many.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Right when the alarm wakes me up.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.
I am ignoring Blu-Ray.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
Read things in pdf - it helps avoid the fact that Word is slightly schizophrenic. And needy.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
Memorize their numbers and you don't even have to waste the space on the phone memory.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
When did they STOP having lights? They do in side-by-side. That goes for ovens as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
Most "literate" college graduates also disagree with Kay...
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
The driving directions from NYC to London avoids the ghettos, mostly. They do go through France...
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
My furniture thinks I have that problem, too.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
I just nod and smile. If it was important I will get yelled at for it later anyway, because even if I understood them I will forget.
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front... Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
That right there is why I won't buy a gun. I'd shoot the idiot trying to squeeze in. And the idiot that lets the idiot squeeze in.
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
Mine walk for me.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
That is why I leave the alarm across the room.
24. The first testicular guard, AKA "the cup," was used in hockey in 1874; the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
They got the right head covered first.
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die
Get past my password. No one gets those...except x3efbs2i45s#%im. Guess what it's for...WRONG. So I am safe.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
Don't argue unless you are right.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
I just take those naps at work. I call them "entering my time in [enter work tracking product here].
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
Comic sans works. Honestly, since everyone hates it, so does Times New Roman.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
That's what pillow cases are for - throw the damn thing in that.
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
Yes - it proves to people that my handwriting could indeed be worse.
7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Those are for the idiots who live in Tampa Bay who get lost getting back to their front door after getting their mail. On the box hanging by their front door.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
That ought to be mandatory.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
I feel the same way about being hungry.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
No wonder I tell stories so well, and have so many.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Right when the alarm wakes me up.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.
I am ignoring Blu-Ray.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
Read things in pdf - it helps avoid the fact that Word is slightly schizophrenic. And needy.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
Memorize their numbers and you don't even have to waste the space on the phone memory.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
When did they STOP having lights? They do in side-by-side. That goes for ovens as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
Most "literate" college graduates also disagree with Kay...
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
The driving directions from NYC to London avoids the ghettos, mostly. They do go through France...
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
My furniture thinks I have that problem, too.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
I just nod and smile. If it was important I will get yelled at for it later anyway, because even if I understood them I will forget.
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front... Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
That right there is why I won't buy a gun. I'd shoot the idiot trying to squeeze in. And the idiot that lets the idiot squeeze in.
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
Mine walk for me.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
That is why I leave the alarm across the room.
24. The first testicular guard, AKA "the cup," was used in hockey in 1874; the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
They got the right head covered first.