So long, and thanks for all the fish!
Without doubt, this’ll be my most important post of the last three years…. for ‘tis time to turn the page to the next chapter, and say sayonara to sushi chefs and salary men, to English schools and the rising sun. My decision (return home, finally and for good) has been a long time on the brain, but short time in the making…. Sudden and surprising for some, but most of all, for me.
I’ve gone through four distinct phases leading up to the here and now: resolution, creation, realization, and no-hesitation
Or in other words: Cody gets off his duff, makes some stuff, sees things getting really tough (and into a brown paper bag he huffs and puffs) before finally saying, “Enough is ENOUGH!”
Let’s delve. At the risk of sounding either like a total artsy snob or a flake with naïve dreams, I made the New Years resolution to be a more creatively productive person… I’ve always done odd drawing jobs for friends and coworkers… acting in essence as a charity free-lancer. But why not take it up a notch?! Put together portfolios, resumes, get my shit “out there” instead of hording it all on hard drives and in rarely opened sketchbooks.
Starting February, I took a risk, cut back my teaching hours to part-time status, and got busy. In essence, I became…..
I did work for the school
Created a 15-part satirical cartoon series for English magazines
Wrote and illustrated humorous essays (see last post)
Continued the erotica
Wrote a children's story
...Sally's quite different,
Loves when leaves fall down,
Dry up, turn crispy
Moldy yellow, and brown
Or waking up early
To the world with white coating.
Spotting clouds stuffed with snow
Till they’re almost exploding...
I auditioned for acting agencies, went to workshops, lectures, networked etc. etc.
To be honest, there was lots of suckiness, rejection and little acceptance, unanswered emails and a fair amount of “Great work, but….”
In the end, I only held out for a few months. Not nearly enough time. And rejection is a big part of an artist/actor’s life. I know this and am prepared to receive it.
But I had an epiphany. I realized that “it” just wasn’t gonna “happen” here in Japan, and that maybe I didn’t want it to, either. Location and stimulation are vital for artists. Being amongst fellow peers and like-minded people is crucial for sustaining and protecting one’s passion. And Tokyo, though awesome in many respects, does not fulfill me, nurture me, nor offer even a fraction of the opportunities a place like America does.
Also, to make matters worse, there were some financial issues as well…. Sticky circumstances that involve adult words like “economy” and “money” and “budgetary re-evaluation.” Combine that with the fact that my parents are getting older (dad’s approaching 70) and I desperately want to be a part of my nephew’s new life….
I’m lonely. I’m far away. Luck is in short supply, and life in general is slowly and steadily spiraling beyond my control…. I’m not living hand-to-mouth… I’m not in free-fall, but I am on the edge of the cliff looking down at a rocky bottom, about to be pushed over…. I just know it’s time. Get out while the memories are good and there’s still some yen in my back pocket.
But I can’t help but question…. Am I a failure? A quitter? Will I regret my choices till the day I die, or can I pick up the pieces and start over? Will I forever look back, or can I face forward with chin up, and take the next step….a first step in a long, thorny road filled with pit-falls…. toward a final destination that lies far off, hazy in the distance, half-hidden by a treacherous mountain I must cross.
See you May 10th.
I’ve gone through four distinct phases leading up to the here and now: resolution, creation, realization, and no-hesitation
Or in other words: Cody gets off his duff, makes some stuff, sees things getting really tough (and into a brown paper bag he huffs and puffs) before finally saying, “Enough is ENOUGH!”
Let’s delve. At the risk of sounding either like a total artsy snob or a flake with naïve dreams, I made the New Years resolution to be a more creatively productive person… I’ve always done odd drawing jobs for friends and coworkers… acting in essence as a charity free-lancer. But why not take it up a notch?! Put together portfolios, resumes, get my shit “out there” instead of hording it all on hard drives and in rarely opened sketchbooks.
Starting February, I took a risk, cut back my teaching hours to part-time status, and got busy. In essence, I became…..
I did work for the school
Created a 15-part satirical cartoon series for English magazines
Wrote and illustrated humorous essays (see last post)
Continued the erotica
Wrote a children's story
...Sally's quite different,
Loves when leaves fall down,
Dry up, turn crispy
Moldy yellow, and brown
Or waking up early
To the world with white coating.
Spotting clouds stuffed with snow
Till they’re almost exploding...
I auditioned for acting agencies, went to workshops, lectures, networked etc. etc.
To be honest, there was lots of suckiness, rejection and little acceptance, unanswered emails and a fair amount of “Great work, but….”
In the end, I only held out for a few months. Not nearly enough time. And rejection is a big part of an artist/actor’s life. I know this and am prepared to receive it.
But I had an epiphany. I realized that “it” just wasn’t gonna “happen” here in Japan, and that maybe I didn’t want it to, either. Location and stimulation are vital for artists. Being amongst fellow peers and like-minded people is crucial for sustaining and protecting one’s passion. And Tokyo, though awesome in many respects, does not fulfill me, nurture me, nor offer even a fraction of the opportunities a place like America does.
Also, to make matters worse, there were some financial issues as well…. Sticky circumstances that involve adult words like “economy” and “money” and “budgetary re-evaluation.” Combine that with the fact that my parents are getting older (dad’s approaching 70) and I desperately want to be a part of my nephew’s new life….
I’m lonely. I’m far away. Luck is in short supply, and life in general is slowly and steadily spiraling beyond my control…. I’m not living hand-to-mouth… I’m not in free-fall, but I am on the edge of the cliff looking down at a rocky bottom, about to be pushed over…. I just know it’s time. Get out while the memories are good and there’s still some yen in my back pocket.
But I can’t help but question…. Am I a failure? A quitter? Will I regret my choices till the day I die, or can I pick up the pieces and start over? Will I forever look back, or can I face forward with chin up, and take the next step….a first step in a long, thorny road filled with pit-falls…. toward a final destination that lies far off, hazy in the distance, half-hidden by a treacherous mountain I must cross.
See you May 10th.