****bethany writes: Hi, Cody! It's Bethany. I know what you're thinking, "B doesn't read LiveJournals." But apparently now I do. I miss you. But on to your essay and your requested advice: I liked it very much as it sounded like you (at your most theatrical). But... there seemed to be two different styles battling it out for precedence. At times it seemed worldly and almost cynical, but at others it seemed cutesy. I think my problem is w/ lines like mama's advice to turn that frown upside down. It seemed inconsistent. I think it could be b/c you're shifting from first person (narrator's anecdote about meeting up w/ sweaty cutie) to second person (advice to new JETter). Sorry. I probably took your request for criticism way too literally. More importantly, when are you coming back to the states? Translation: when will I see you? I miss you. Drop me an e-mail? Love! B
cody: no, thank you for the advice. believe me, i feel the tension between the two styles within my own writing. on the one hand, i like it -- it's a style that is both, as you say, worldly and honest (but upbeat and somewhat positive), as well as humorously cynical (more akin to my own daily demeanor).... but one the other, as you also say, it feels inconsistent -- like i'm confused about what i want to do/say. sometimes there's an *unhealthy* struggle within the words. anyway, my writing is at a crossroads, an impasse. i need to seriously adapt, evolve, or just plain move on.... i'm starting to grow weary of myself. but also, i think it's worth mentioning: one BIG reason there is a particularly strong inconsistency in THIS piece is because it was something i *had* to write. you know? i was really trying to make a deadline (which i didn't quite do, so there was lots of pressure) and i was REALLY REALLY trying to say something meaningful AND be funny. it's hard to force those things, and the kinks in the essay are sure signs of that.
****bethany writes again: B again. I don't think it's too cheesy (I'm a sucker for happy endings), but I think if there is a problem it's just that it's too abrupt. I've been taught to be wary of transitions like "suddenly." But I like that it ends hopeful. Hope is just the flip side of despair, you know. Oh, Cody. I miss you. And I miss Creative Writing I with stories about white girls w/ Jamaican pool boys and trips to the China Buffet. Sigh. Simpler (better?) times. I love you and your writing. Don't change the ending. I want the hope. Maybe just add a paragraph or two between his epiphany and the Kylie remix.
Hi, Cody! It's Bethany. I know what you're thinking, "B doesn't read LiveJournals." But apparently now I do. I miss you. But on to your essay and your requested advice: I liked it very much as it sounded like you (at your most theatrical). But... there seemed to be two different styles battling it out for precedence. At times it seemed worldly and almost cynical, but at others it seemed cutesy. I think my problem is w/ lines like mama's advice to turn that frown upside down. It seemed inconsistent. I think it could be b/c you're shifting from first person (narrator's anecdote about meeting up w/ sweaty cutie) to second person (advice to new JETter). Sorry. I probably took your request for criticism way too literally. More importantly, when are you coming back to the states? Translation: when will I see you? I miss you. Drop me an e-mail? Love! B
cody: no, thank you for the advice. believe me, i feel the tension between the two styles within my own writing. on the one hand, i like it -- it's a style that is both, as you say, worldly and honest (but upbeat and somewhat positive), as well as humorously cynical (more akin to my own daily demeanor).... but one the other, as you also say, it feels inconsistent -- like i'm confused about what i want to do/say. sometimes there's an *unhealthy* struggle within the words. anyway, my writing is at a crossroads, an impasse. i need to seriously adapt, evolve, or just plain move on.... i'm starting to grow weary of myself. but also, i think it's worth mentioning: one BIG reason there is a particularly strong inconsistency in THIS piece is because it was something i *had* to write. you know? i was really trying to make a deadline (which i didn't quite do, so there was lots of pressure) and i was REALLY REALLY trying to say something meaningful AND be funny. it's hard to force those things, and the kinks in the essay are sure signs of that.
****bethany writes again:
B again. I don't think it's too cheesy (I'm a sucker for happy endings), but I think if there is a problem it's just that it's too abrupt. I've been taught to be wary of transitions like "suddenly." But I like that it ends hopeful. Hope is just the flip side of despair, you know. Oh, Cody. I miss you. And I miss Creative Writing I with stories about white girls w/ Jamaican pool boys and trips to the China Buffet. Sigh. Simpler (better?) times. I love you and your writing. Don't change the ending. I want the hope. Maybe just add a paragraph or two between his epiphany and the Kylie remix.
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