Life as a canvas [chapter 8]
Title: Life as a canvas
Part: Chapter 8: Somewhere only we know
Pairing: Hyukjae/Donghae
Genre: High school au, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Life starts blank. An empty backdrop to fill with color and light. Hyukjae starts with black and white. Until along comes Donghae with a palette of all the colors of the rainbow shadowed by grays. Together, bodies like paintbrushes, they dance splattering color on the canvas that is life.
Somewhere only we know
"There are short-cuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them. ~Vicki Baum"
White. Everything from the walls to the floor to the window panes, even the fluorescent lights hanging over his head. Hyukjae felt like he was suffering some weird case of déjà vu, the lack of color harsh to his eyes. He mentally shrugged, figuring it was probably because it was the second time he’d been in the hospital in such a short amount of time after not stepping foot in one for years. He only half listened to Donghae exchanging pleasantries with the nurse behind the nurses’ station desk, silently asking himself how he ended up there.
One minute, Hyukjae was sweat sticky on the hardwood floor, packing up and ready to leave practice, the next he’s challenged with Donghae eyes and Donghae’s smile and roped into following Donghae to the bus station and thinking they were going to the park, Hyukjae ended up at the hospital.
“This is Hyukjae,” Donghae was saying, bringing Hyukjae out of his inner musings. He wiped the half scowl half dazed expression off his face and politely bowed towards the nurse. “A friend from school.” Donghae gestured toward Hyukjae with an awkward sort of gesture and Hyukjae looked at him oddly. There was a question mark lingering at the end of Donghae’s sentence, the ‘friend’ bolded and italicized.
Hyukjae understood why. Friend was still an odd term for them and other than a couple of hours dancing after practice and a few nights of comfortable silence underneath stars and basketball hoops, there wasn’t much more to it. But the tension had lessened and Hyukjae had stopped snapping at everything Donghae said so it was a start.
“We hope to see you back, Hyukjae. We’re always looking for young people like you and Donghae.” She wore a typical nurse outfit, pink and green balloons dotting over white cotton, old fashioned glasses resting on the bridge of her nose. She smiled warmly at Hyukjae and he smiled back, reminded of his grandmother’s smile whenever he visited- which was less often than what he should- of old spices and gentle wisdom that warmed him like the summer breeze, making Hyukjae feel seven and not seventeen.
“Follow me,” Donghae motioned towards Hyukjae after throwing the nurse a final wave. Their school shoes squeaked against the glossy floors as they walked down the corridor lined with doors. Some were wide open and Hyukjae saw flashes as they passed. Tired bodies slumped in uncomfortable looking chairs, sunlight filtering through crooked blinds, machines beeping loudly, boneless faces looking straight towards blinking t.v. screens.
Hyukjae hadn’t realized when he’d slowed down, feet lingering in front of one of the rooms, eyes locked on a patients staring out the window. She was young, how young Hyukjae couldn’t tell but the look on her face…
“Hey.”
Startled, Hyukjae turned towards Donghae who was a few steps ahead of him.
“You okay?” Donghae asked softly but didn’t really wait for an answer as he covered the space between them and gently tugged on Hyukjae’s arm. “It’ll be fun. I promise.”
Hyukjae didn’t really believe him but said nothing as he was literally dragged down various halls until the walls turned into glass that wrapped around a large waiting room and Donghae stopped at the entrance.
“Donghae!!” various voices called out and it was less than a three two one, before Donghae laughed and soon had an armload of bouncy limbs and frail arms locked around his legs.
“Donghae hyung you came back fast!”
“Are we going to play now?”
“Oppa said he’d play with me!”
“Nu uhh. Donghae oppa said he’ll play with me!”
Hyukjae held back, his back meeting the sharp edge of the opened door frame, the metal biting into his spine. Donghae’s smile was as bright as ever, giving each kid a turn to be held in his arms or tug on his hair. Around fifteen of them Hyukjae guessed, from those that could stumble more than walk, and ones who were probably ready to finish elementary school. All different in height, weight and smile but they all had two things in common. The obvious adoration they felt for Donghae, stamped across toothless smiles and shining eyes. And the papery thin hospital gowns that clung to their bodies.
“Yes Jonghyun, today we are going to dance.” Donghae told the small boy currently in his arms in a hushed voice, as if he were sharing some sort of secret with him.
Hyukjae figured there was a panicked expression on his face, because Donghae was heading towards him with that smile and Hyukjae felt himself back farther into the entrance. He should have known, should have figured, but he hadn’t.
“Come on,” Hyukjae didn’t think fast enough and Donghae managed to grab his hand and pull him further in to the room. The kids watched with curious glances, some with narrowed eyes at the intruder in the room, and Hyukjae swallowed, the sound obnoxiously loud in the back of his throat.
“Everyone this is Hyukjae. He’s going to dance with us today.”
Before he could protest, someone did it for him.
“Can he even dance?” the girl who asked looked around seven Hyukjae guessed. Her mouth was set in a line; proud little eyebrows arched in hostility and possibly fear. Hyukjae couldn’t figure out why.
“Of course he can, Sooyoon” Donghae smiled and turned towards a sound system Hyukjae hadn’t noticed. “Everyone can dance.”
Everyone can dance. Most people would disagree with that; Hyukjae probably included himself in that group. But he remembered when he’d been outside the very room he was in now, watching these very children move their feet to some music muffled by the glass walls and thinking. Something about dancing and their faces and how Hyukjae hadn’t seen dancers look that way before.
“Excuse me.”
Hyukjae looked down at the force of someone yanking on the sleeve of his school blazer. Bending down a little-Hyukjae, not the little boy-, raised eyebrows questioning wide eyes filled with innocence. Having Hyukjae’s attention now, the tugging stopped.
“Donghae-ssi said you are a dancing machine. Is it true? Is it? Is it!”
“Uhmm.”
“You’ll find out soon enough,” Donghae interrupted as he subtly pushed Hyukjae towards the center where a semi circle had formed. Hyukjae was staring to get the feeling Donghae liked manhandling his friends and was considering taking back what he’d said about them trying to be. He could see finger marks on his jacket.
The kids looking up at Hyukjae all had expecting faces, like waiting for Hyukjae to pull a bunny out of his ass or something. The only one who didn’t look at Hyukjae like he was some sort of attraction at the zoo was the girl who’d questioned him, opting instead to look half bored half petulant. Stupidly, Hyukjae had never felt so nervous to dance in front of people in his life.
Music started, a rhythm Hyukjae’s feet knew by heart, a melody he’d heard somewhere before but couldn’t remember, harmonizing notes turning his bones to calming liquid. The lyrics he’d never heard previously, every other word sounding as if the singer were making them up as he went along, letting his voice be guided by the sounds.
So that’s what Hyukjae did. He just closed his eyes and let the music lead his movements, feeling every beat flow through his limbs until it was just him and the color of sound.
The music stopped, Hyukjae stopped.
Eyes opened, he took in the gaping mouths and huge eyes in pale faces and wondered just what exactly it had looked like to them. Hyukjae told himself to stop being such an idiot, they were kids. Their opinion didn’t matter. But as those gaping mouths stretched into wide smiles and hanging hands into furious applause-out of synch and sounding like a distorted percussion section- Hyukjae realized it did. It mattered more than anyone else’s.
“Cool!”
“Teach me! Teach me!”
“He is a dance machine! Told you so.”
Hyukjae felt helpless while he was now the one being showered with all the attention and the latching on to his legs. Even Sooyoon smiled and was among the clamoring group. What left Hyukjae puzzled and at a loss for words was when one of the kids, a toddler with chubby cheeks and stick thin arms and not a strand of hair on his head, stomped up to him and extended his little arms upwards.
Donghae just beamed at him when Hyukjae looked at him, disgruntled. When Hyukjae still didn’t move, Donghae nudged him with his hip towards the boy making Hyukjae trip over his own feet. He glared at Donghae’s innocent face.
Sighing and unsurely, Hyukjae picked the boy up praying he wouldn’t drop him or something. The little boy seemed a lot more confident in him then Hyukjae was in himself and smiled, so Hyukjae smiled back. Said smile turned into a frown when the boy pulled on Hyukjae’s nose with sticky fingers and yelled over his shoulder “The machine’s nose isn’t pretend! It won’t come off his face.”
Then he smiled again, his eyes practically disappearing and Hyukjae’s scowl morphed back into a smile, a little more real and a little more genuine this time.
*
“And this was when I fell off my bike. It was so cool! It was shiny blue and everything and there was a bunch of blood stuff!”
Hyukjae peered at the scab on Hyungjun’s elbow. He pulled up the edge of his own school trousers and relieved a scar on his ankle. “From when I fell off a ladder. Nine stitches.”
Hyungjun’s eyebrows shot up and he shrieked. “Awesome!”
After dancing to everything from, bouncy kid t.v. show songs, to some hip hop and even some salsa Hyukjae’s hip had flailed to but Donghae’s had seemed shockingly accustomed to, the nurses’ had shown up with snacks and the children had settled down for a less strenuous pastime. Most were huddled in groups, finger painting or playing some hand games. They were as lively and playful as any group of kids. Loosing the gowns and sticking them on a playground and they probably would have gone unnoticed.
But they weren’t on a playground. Hadn’t been on a playground in a while. Some had never even been in a playground, and some never would. But Hyukjae looked at the smiles of the small group around him, and they didn’t seem to really mind.
Sunkyu sighed, looking dejectedly at her empty jell-o cup. “Lime’s my favorite. They almost never give lime. It’s always raspberry.” She made a prickly face like raspberries were just about the worst fruit you could think of.
Hyukjae looked at the uneaten green jell-o cup in his hands and extended it towards her. She gasped lowly and took the jell-o cup like it was a treasure. “I don’t really like lime. But you’re right. Raspberry. Eww.”
She giggled and dug in to the jelly like concoction and Hyukjae smiled. His eyes toured the room, landing on the contended tired faces of the nurses’ who seemed grateful to have someone else to spend time with the small patients. When his gaze landed on Donghae, he’d reached the end of the room. Donghae had taken off his school blazer, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows and his hair was a disheveled mess. One of the younger kids sat in front of him, laughing loudly, shrieking almost, as Donghae played peek-a -boo with him and tickled him mercilessly.
He remembered that day when he’d ran into to Donghae with his cousin at the park. Donghae seemed to naturally respond to kids. It made sense. It wasn’t that long since he’d been one himself. The same could be said about Hyukjae, and yet he couldn’t remember what it felt like to laugh at something only he understood and want nothing but his mother’s arms when he cried.
Before he could look away, Donghae caught his eyes and was smiling at him. Hyukjae smiled in return, self conscious at being caught staring but Donghae simply turned back to the little boy in front of him and whispered something. Hyukjae watched as the boy nodded and got up. He waddled towards Hyukjae, and without saying anything, he plopped into Hyukjae’s lap, fuzzy brown hair tickling Hyukjae’s chin, and promptly fell asleep.
Hyukjae looked over at Donghae, but he was paying attention to some of the other kids and getting his fingers covered in non-toxic orange finger paint. Hyukjae stacked up the discarded building blocks Jonghyun didn’t use-he gave them to Hyukjae for safe keeping while he built his fantasy amusement park which would be bigger than Tokyo Disney-, listened to Sunkyu’s stories of the big lime tree in her grandma’s back yard, and held the little boy securely in his arms, his steady breathing against his throat comforting Hyukjae like nothing had in a long time.
*
“This guy is a dumbass.”
“You’re telling me.”
“I’m serious. I bet his university diplomas were all forged by some internet site.”
“What are you complaining about? You got an A-.”
“I know! This was totally an A+ test.”
Hyukjae rolled his eyes at Kyuhyun lying next to him on the bench with one arm extended upwards staring blaringly at his test. Hyukjae looked at his own tests, scattered with red marks and sighed. Not as bad as past exams, he’d scored a C and besides math had never been his subject. Kyuhyun grumbled something under his breath and leaned down to stuff the test back into his opened backpack, taking something out. His game consol, of course. Hyukjae didn’t protest when Kyuhyun nudged Hyukjae’s leg with his head so he could use his thigh as a pillow while he played.
Slumping against the bench, Hyukjae let himself be lulled by the light breeze and the weight of Kyuhyun’s head, only half listening to Kyuhyun’s chatter crisscrossing between the new game he’d gotten and the latest wart he’d discovered on his clarinet teacher’s face which was highly distracting to Kyuhyun fully grasping Stravinsky’s Three Pieces for Clarinet Solo.
“Sungmin says I shouldn’t let his face distract me and that his sax teacher has nose hairs and how that hasn’t stopped him from learning Charlie Parker’s “Billie’s Bounce” and “Anthropology” in one class.” Kyuhyun paused to curse when his player almost died and shift his head on his temporary pillow. “As if it’s the same. Warts are way more distracting than nose hairs. And besides, the clarinet is way tougher to master than the saxophone.”
“Don’t let Sungmin hear you,” Hyukjae chuckled. “He’ll sick his nun chucks on you.”
He felt Kyuhyun flinch and shake his head. “Never again. I learned my lesson back in fourth grade.”
Basking in the memory of a nine year old Sungmin terrorizing an eight year old Kyuhyun with foam covered nun chucks, Hyukjae threw his head back in laughter. Sungmin’s current set lacked the foam so they’d probably hurt like a bitch. No one was willing to act as guinea pig just to see much. Kyuhyun dug his elbow in Hyukjae’s side, bringing Hyukjae back from his laughing fit to be faced with something Hyukjae hadn’t been exactly looking forward too.
Donghae seemed to be frozen, his uneasiness transparent from across the lawn. Seconds trickled by between them and Hyukjae felt himself tense in dread of what would happen.
He shouldn’t have worried.
With something akin to a snap, Donghae gave him a small nod and a half wave, then turned and continued his way into the school building. Hyukjae let go the breath he’d been holding.
“That was weird.”
“Huh?” Hyukjae peered down at Kyuhyun who still had his eyes locked on his game.
“That. You and Donghae. I thought you guys got along now.”
“Uhhh.”
“And last I heard, staring stupidly at someone like you’re about to puke your breakfast is not an indication you’re happy to see them.” Kyuhyun smirked when he managed to behead the zombie in his game. “But then again, I don’t stay up with the trends, so don’t take my word for it.”
“Yah!” Hyukjae protested because he had not looked like he was about to puke anything. But Kyuhyun merely sat up and paused his game before stuffing it in his bag. He swung his bag over his shoulders and looked at Hyukjae with mock sympathy.
“Whatever you say, hyung.” And with that, Kyuhyun walked in the same direction Donghae had previously, saying something about finishing his math homework in the library.
Hyukjae sighed as he watched Kyuhyun walk back into school. He should probably head inside as well, the bell was about to ring soon. But instead, Hyukjae stayed where he was, letting the spring breeze run through his hair and melt the sun’s glare off his skin. It was mid spring now, but summer would be approaching soon enough and along with it, hotter days and week long period of exams no one was looking forward to. It was obvious in how green the trees were turning, endless leaves replenishing naked branches. The ever changing cycle of seasons, that ironically, was so predictable. Spring, summer, autumn, winter. From one season to the next, nature knew how to act, when to change. To go from freezing all the way to a boiling point. Winter would never end in summer; spring would never morph into autumn. Leaves go from green to orange and yellow and red till they dry and fall so new ones replace them. Easy to see, even easier to predict. Hyukjae wished all things were so easy.
---
“For someone who says he doesn’t like kids, you seemed to have fun today.” Donghae said with a knowing smile.
Hyukjae shrugged, slipping back into his blazer. “Yeah, well. I was dancing. Dancing’s always fun.”
Donghae didn’t look convinced but said nothing. He finished packing up the cd’s they’d used and stacked them up. The kids were gone now, each in their respective rooms, having treatment or some therapy session. The room seemed so sterile without them, Hyukjae thought, the life they injected in the white space gone and evaporated now.
“So,” Donghae grabbed his own blazer and threw it over his shoulder. “You hungry? Cause I’m starving and I was thinking we could grab some ramen at the restaurant across the street.” There was hopefulness in Donghae’s eyes, like he thought Hyukjae would say no but was asking anyways.
Realizing he hadn’t eaten since lunch, Hyukjae considered saying yes. He’d spent the afternoon with Donghae, one meal wouldn’t hurt. Besides, Hyukjae could feel his stomach protesting from the lack of fuel. He better eat before it started vocalizing its complaints.
He was about to nod when one of the nurses approached them with a soft smile. “We really appreciate you boys coming today. Lately, people rather donate to the hospital then volunteer.”
“We’re just glad to help in some way,” Donghae spoke for both of them, but Hyukjae silently agreed. It did feel good.
The nurse smiled at them, a tinge of sadness in her hunched shoulders. “The little dears deserve all the happiness they can get. Smiles make it easier on them. Their families get through it better if it’s not all tears and sorrow.”
Hyukjae raised an eyebrow, puzzled. “Through it?”
“Ahh,” she clicked her tongue lightly. “It’s hard nonetheless. Loosing a child is never easy. But if they spent their last days smiling, we’ll remember them like that. In our memories, their smiles will be the thing we see.”
Hyukjae thought he heard Donghae say something back, but Hyukjae was no longer listening. He felt like the wind had been knocked out of his chest. He stared at the floor, unseeing the deep blue of the rug. The room was too small, his tie was too tight and there was a grip on his heart that it kind of hurt to breathe. Hyukjae had to get out, he desperately needed air. Without a second thought, he started walking, unsure of the direction but just mindlessly looking for the nearest exit.
“Hyukjae!”
He didn’t stop. Just kept going.
“Hyukjae! Wait!.”
Air. Hyukjae. needed. air. Now.
“Hyukjae. What. Hyukjae, stop!”
Hyukjae would have kept going but Donghae caught up to him and, grabbing his arm, yanked him to a halt.
“Hyukjae, what,” Donghae paused to take a breath. He’d obviously ran; Hyukjae heard his hurried footsteps, his breathing fast and quick. Grip firm on Hyukjae’s arm, he looked up at him and his confusion turned into surprise at the angry look in Hyukjae’s eyes.
“Why did you bring me here?” Hyukjae asked, trying to shake off Donghae’s hand. “They. They don’t. Won’t.”
“Hyukjae,” Donghae said slowly, trying to calm him. It only made breathing harder. “What-”
Hyukjae finally jerked his hand off his arm, taking a few steps backwards. When he finally spoke, his voice wasn’t more than a whisper. “I held him. In my arms. And he’s going to die.”
Donghae sighed, his shoulders slouching in release of tension. “I know.”
There was gentleness in how Donghae said those two words, in his eyes and in his hands between them. Hyukjae felt something rise in him. It wasn’t anger, but that’s how it came out.
“You know?!” Hyukjae shouted, wondering just why exactly he felt so suffocated. “I didn’t ask to come here. I didn’t even. And you just. You.” Giving an exasperated sigh, Hyukjae bit his lip. Donghae had flinched when Hyukjae spoke, unsure of how to react. Hyukjae didn’t give him the chance to.
Donghae took a tentative step towards Hyukjae, but Hyukjae jumped like Donghae being too close had burned him. “No. I need to leave. I need to go.” He turned around and headed down the hall, taking a short cut to the stairs instead of the elevator.
Donghae didn’t follow him and once Hyukjae was outside he inhaled as much as air as he could but he still couldn’t breathe.
---
The shrill of the bell jolted Hyukjae back to reality. Watching the last few students run inside, he felt himself go slack against the bench.
He shouldn’t have gotten angry. Hyukjae wasn’t exactly sure why he’d gotten angry, but it seemed to be only way to react. What he really felt, was a sense of emptiness. He thought of the children in the hospital, their smiling faces and eager dance steps and felt like he really might throw up like Kyuhyun said. It was unfair. Hyukjae knew he was too old for things like It’s unfair, but it was. It really really was. Hyukjae knew everyone died. At some point, one generation had to give way to the next. But why did some people have to go before they even got a chance to actually live?
Some kids got to play and go to school and have friends and soft beds to call home while others spent most of their times with nurses and trying to just survive. Hyukjae had been the former. Jonghyun and Sunkyu and the other kids whom Hyukjae had smiled and danced with were the latter. Hyukjae took air for granted. Other kids struggled to keep breathing.
If Hyukjae had lashed out at Donghae, it was because Donghae had made him see that. People didn’t want to think about kids who were sick and dying. Didn’t want to think about why them and not me? But why not him, Hyukjae wondered. It was stupid to feel guilty, useless and he’d done a good thing by going and without even trying, made them smile.
His phone started buzzing. Hyukjae chuckled at the text YOU’RE LATE! WHERE ARE YOU? from Sungmin and decided to finally, go inside and ready himself for a scolding.
*
His shadow followed Hyukjae all the way to the basketball court three nights later. He’d stayed away, contenting himself with sleepless nights filled with playing games with Kyuhyun-which he always lost-. Tonight, he seemed restless. His father hadn’t come home-meeting had run late, he’d said when he’d called- so when his mother had gone off to bed, Hyukjae had slipped out the back door.
Seeing the court in the distance, Hyukjae felt instantly calm. There was something so serene about being here at night. Even when he’d been lying there by himself, Hyukjae had never felt alone. The lack of lights made the stars visible in the usually dark city sky, it felt like that part of the park were somewhere else. Somewhere only Hyukjae knew. Well, and Donghae. But Hyukjae didn’t ponder that.
Hyukjae should not have been surprised Donghae was already there, stretched to his limits.
Donghae didn’t say anything, eyes locked on the sky over their heads. So Hyukjae didn’t say anything either, opting to lay himself down and watch the bundles of stars playing in the canopy of dark blue. They didn’t look silver to Hyukjae tonight. They were colorless, clear beams of lights. He heard the distant hum of cars, the faint bustle of the city just meters away, but from here, they might as well have been in a different universe. Above everything, Hyukjae listened to Donghae’s breathing, steady and even, disrupted by the sharp intake he took before he spoke.
“When my dad was sick,” he began, like he was talking about what he ate for lunch or his next school assignment. “Everyone fussed over my mother and my brother and me. Neighbors, family, friends. It was all about if we were eating, if we needed financial help to pay the hospital bills. If we needed someone to talk to about it. Everyone was trying to comfort us. No one tried to comfort my dad.” Hyukjae turned to look at Donghae without really meaning to, his eyes automatically drawn to his monotone voice.
“But how do you comfort someone who is dying?” Donghae sighed, folding his arms beneath his head, elbow almost touching Hyukjae’s head. “You don’t. You just try to make the time they have left worth wile. If you can. Sometimes you can’t. Sometimes they don’t want to.” Donghae looked at Hyukjae, brown mixing into brown with hints of light and silver and stars. “I go to the hospital to do what no one did for my dad. What I didn’t know how to do. I make them smile. I laugh with them and I dance with them and if it turns out that tomorrow they won’t be here anymore, at least they spent their last day happy. It might sound stupid and yeah, maybe it is, but it’s what my heart tells me to do. So I do it.”
Hyukjae opened his mouth, words pushing to spill through his lips, but nothing came out. Donghae turned his gaze back to the sky, his voice dropping lower and lower, like he was telling Hyukjae a secret.
“We are born knowing we are going to do die someday. We don’t think about it everyday. Thinking that, that won’t be for a very long time for now. But some people. Some people live knowing they’re going to die. It’s the first and last thing they think in the morning and before they fall asleep.” When Donghae let his head roll to meet Hyukjae’s eyes again, his eyes looked older and infinitely sadder than Hyukjae thought eyes could be. “So that thing people say about living like everyday like it’s your last. Life is such a delicate thing, and it’s ripped from our hands before we even realize it.”
“So sometimes, we have to be selfless. Put our happiness aside for someone else to be happy, for a little while. What you did yesterday, Hyukjae,” Donghae bit his lip and shook his head a little. “You gave those kids something not a lot of people are willing to. You gave them a little bit of yourself. You gave them another happy day. A good day. Don’t you think that’s worth something?”
Hyukjae sucked in a breath and let it go, realizing Donghae was done talking and was waiting for an answer. Folding his legs, he pushed himself up and sat up, forearms resting on his knees, tress in the distance and the basketball hoop before them as he stared out into darkness. Hyukjae knew everything Donghae had just said, but hearing it out loud, all of his thoughts vocalized in someone else’s voice, made the guilt he knew he had been feeling slowly start to dissolve. Realizing someone understands the way you feel, feels even more than you do, turns the most complicated maze into a single straight line.
He looked over his shoulder at Donghae stretched out and watching him, eyes questioning. The stars light up his face, flittering in between Donghae’s eyelashes.
“Yeah,” Hyukjae answered after a long moment. “It is.”
Donghae nodded once, his eyes softening. Hyukjae looked forward again, smiling a little when he realized the weight on his stomach was hunger. Hyukjae didn’t think. He just felt and he listened to his gut and well, his stomach.
“You hungry?”
“What?” Donghae sat as well, startled at the abrupt subject change.
“Ramen sounds good now and I think I owe you a meal.”
Donghae raised his eyebrows, something like shock playing across his face. “You do?”
“Yeah,” Hyukjae said slowly. “So,” he raised one brow to match Donghae’s.
A smile spread across Donghae’s lips, a little confused but nonetheless, bright under a thousand stars. Donghae nodded, and Hyukjae felt the knot on his stomach lessening. “Ramen sounds good.”
*
a/n: It feels like this took forever to update but i've been super busy with classes and this fic has required a major re-write from it's original draft. Though I am almost done with the next chap so expect a quick update =)
Part: Chapter 8: Somewhere only we know
Pairing: Hyukjae/Donghae
Genre: High school au, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Life starts blank. An empty backdrop to fill with color and light. Hyukjae starts with black and white. Until along comes Donghae with a palette of all the colors of the rainbow shadowed by grays. Together, bodies like paintbrushes, they dance splattering color on the canvas that is life.
Somewhere only we know
"There are short-cuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them. ~Vicki Baum"
White. Everything from the walls to the floor to the window panes, even the fluorescent lights hanging over his head. Hyukjae felt like he was suffering some weird case of déjà vu, the lack of color harsh to his eyes. He mentally shrugged, figuring it was probably because it was the second time he’d been in the hospital in such a short amount of time after not stepping foot in one for years. He only half listened to Donghae exchanging pleasantries with the nurse behind the nurses’ station desk, silently asking himself how he ended up there.
One minute, Hyukjae was sweat sticky on the hardwood floor, packing up and ready to leave practice, the next he’s challenged with Donghae eyes and Donghae’s smile and roped into following Donghae to the bus station and thinking they were going to the park, Hyukjae ended up at the hospital.
“This is Hyukjae,” Donghae was saying, bringing Hyukjae out of his inner musings. He wiped the half scowl half dazed expression off his face and politely bowed towards the nurse. “A friend from school.” Donghae gestured toward Hyukjae with an awkward sort of gesture and Hyukjae looked at him oddly. There was a question mark lingering at the end of Donghae’s sentence, the ‘friend’ bolded and italicized.
Hyukjae understood why. Friend was still an odd term for them and other than a couple of hours dancing after practice and a few nights of comfortable silence underneath stars and basketball hoops, there wasn’t much more to it. But the tension had lessened and Hyukjae had stopped snapping at everything Donghae said so it was a start.
“We hope to see you back, Hyukjae. We’re always looking for young people like you and Donghae.” She wore a typical nurse outfit, pink and green balloons dotting over white cotton, old fashioned glasses resting on the bridge of her nose. She smiled warmly at Hyukjae and he smiled back, reminded of his grandmother’s smile whenever he visited- which was less often than what he should- of old spices and gentle wisdom that warmed him like the summer breeze, making Hyukjae feel seven and not seventeen.
“Follow me,” Donghae motioned towards Hyukjae after throwing the nurse a final wave. Their school shoes squeaked against the glossy floors as they walked down the corridor lined with doors. Some were wide open and Hyukjae saw flashes as they passed. Tired bodies slumped in uncomfortable looking chairs, sunlight filtering through crooked blinds, machines beeping loudly, boneless faces looking straight towards blinking t.v. screens.
Hyukjae hadn’t realized when he’d slowed down, feet lingering in front of one of the rooms, eyes locked on a patients staring out the window. She was young, how young Hyukjae couldn’t tell but the look on her face…
“Hey.”
Startled, Hyukjae turned towards Donghae who was a few steps ahead of him.
“You okay?” Donghae asked softly but didn’t really wait for an answer as he covered the space between them and gently tugged on Hyukjae’s arm. “It’ll be fun. I promise.”
Hyukjae didn’t really believe him but said nothing as he was literally dragged down various halls until the walls turned into glass that wrapped around a large waiting room and Donghae stopped at the entrance.
“Donghae!!” various voices called out and it was less than a three two one, before Donghae laughed and soon had an armload of bouncy limbs and frail arms locked around his legs.
“Donghae hyung you came back fast!”
“Are we going to play now?”
“Oppa said he’d play with me!”
“Nu uhh. Donghae oppa said he’ll play with me!”
Hyukjae held back, his back meeting the sharp edge of the opened door frame, the metal biting into his spine. Donghae’s smile was as bright as ever, giving each kid a turn to be held in his arms or tug on his hair. Around fifteen of them Hyukjae guessed, from those that could stumble more than walk, and ones who were probably ready to finish elementary school. All different in height, weight and smile but they all had two things in common. The obvious adoration they felt for Donghae, stamped across toothless smiles and shining eyes. And the papery thin hospital gowns that clung to their bodies.
“Yes Jonghyun, today we are going to dance.” Donghae told the small boy currently in his arms in a hushed voice, as if he were sharing some sort of secret with him.
Hyukjae figured there was a panicked expression on his face, because Donghae was heading towards him with that smile and Hyukjae felt himself back farther into the entrance. He should have known, should have figured, but he hadn’t.
“Come on,” Hyukjae didn’t think fast enough and Donghae managed to grab his hand and pull him further in to the room. The kids watched with curious glances, some with narrowed eyes at the intruder in the room, and Hyukjae swallowed, the sound obnoxiously loud in the back of his throat.
“Everyone this is Hyukjae. He’s going to dance with us today.”
Before he could protest, someone did it for him.
“Can he even dance?” the girl who asked looked around seven Hyukjae guessed. Her mouth was set in a line; proud little eyebrows arched in hostility and possibly fear. Hyukjae couldn’t figure out why.
“Of course he can, Sooyoon” Donghae smiled and turned towards a sound system Hyukjae hadn’t noticed. “Everyone can dance.”
Everyone can dance. Most people would disagree with that; Hyukjae probably included himself in that group. But he remembered when he’d been outside the very room he was in now, watching these very children move their feet to some music muffled by the glass walls and thinking. Something about dancing and their faces and how Hyukjae hadn’t seen dancers look that way before.
“Excuse me.”
Hyukjae looked down at the force of someone yanking on the sleeve of his school blazer. Bending down a little-Hyukjae, not the little boy-, raised eyebrows questioning wide eyes filled with innocence. Having Hyukjae’s attention now, the tugging stopped.
“Donghae-ssi said you are a dancing machine. Is it true? Is it? Is it!”
“Uhmm.”
“You’ll find out soon enough,” Donghae interrupted as he subtly pushed Hyukjae towards the center where a semi circle had formed. Hyukjae was staring to get the feeling Donghae liked manhandling his friends and was considering taking back what he’d said about them trying to be. He could see finger marks on his jacket.
The kids looking up at Hyukjae all had expecting faces, like waiting for Hyukjae to pull a bunny out of his ass or something. The only one who didn’t look at Hyukjae like he was some sort of attraction at the zoo was the girl who’d questioned him, opting instead to look half bored half petulant. Stupidly, Hyukjae had never felt so nervous to dance in front of people in his life.
Music started, a rhythm Hyukjae’s feet knew by heart, a melody he’d heard somewhere before but couldn’t remember, harmonizing notes turning his bones to calming liquid. The lyrics he’d never heard previously, every other word sounding as if the singer were making them up as he went along, letting his voice be guided by the sounds.
So that’s what Hyukjae did. He just closed his eyes and let the music lead his movements, feeling every beat flow through his limbs until it was just him and the color of sound.
The music stopped, Hyukjae stopped.
Eyes opened, he took in the gaping mouths and huge eyes in pale faces and wondered just what exactly it had looked like to them. Hyukjae told himself to stop being such an idiot, they were kids. Their opinion didn’t matter. But as those gaping mouths stretched into wide smiles and hanging hands into furious applause-out of synch and sounding like a distorted percussion section- Hyukjae realized it did. It mattered more than anyone else’s.
“Cool!”
“Teach me! Teach me!”
“He is a dance machine! Told you so.”
Hyukjae felt helpless while he was now the one being showered with all the attention and the latching on to his legs. Even Sooyoon smiled and was among the clamoring group. What left Hyukjae puzzled and at a loss for words was when one of the kids, a toddler with chubby cheeks and stick thin arms and not a strand of hair on his head, stomped up to him and extended his little arms upwards.
Donghae just beamed at him when Hyukjae looked at him, disgruntled. When Hyukjae still didn’t move, Donghae nudged him with his hip towards the boy making Hyukjae trip over his own feet. He glared at Donghae’s innocent face.
Sighing and unsurely, Hyukjae picked the boy up praying he wouldn’t drop him or something. The little boy seemed a lot more confident in him then Hyukjae was in himself and smiled, so Hyukjae smiled back. Said smile turned into a frown when the boy pulled on Hyukjae’s nose with sticky fingers and yelled over his shoulder “The machine’s nose isn’t pretend! It won’t come off his face.”
Then he smiled again, his eyes practically disappearing and Hyukjae’s scowl morphed back into a smile, a little more real and a little more genuine this time.
*
“And this was when I fell off my bike. It was so cool! It was shiny blue and everything and there was a bunch of blood stuff!”
Hyukjae peered at the scab on Hyungjun’s elbow. He pulled up the edge of his own school trousers and relieved a scar on his ankle. “From when I fell off a ladder. Nine stitches.”
Hyungjun’s eyebrows shot up and he shrieked. “Awesome!”
After dancing to everything from, bouncy kid t.v. show songs, to some hip hop and even some salsa Hyukjae’s hip had flailed to but Donghae’s had seemed shockingly accustomed to, the nurses’ had shown up with snacks and the children had settled down for a less strenuous pastime. Most were huddled in groups, finger painting or playing some hand games. They were as lively and playful as any group of kids. Loosing the gowns and sticking them on a playground and they probably would have gone unnoticed.
But they weren’t on a playground. Hadn’t been on a playground in a while. Some had never even been in a playground, and some never would. But Hyukjae looked at the smiles of the small group around him, and they didn’t seem to really mind.
Sunkyu sighed, looking dejectedly at her empty jell-o cup. “Lime’s my favorite. They almost never give lime. It’s always raspberry.” She made a prickly face like raspberries were just about the worst fruit you could think of.
Hyukjae looked at the uneaten green jell-o cup in his hands and extended it towards her. She gasped lowly and took the jell-o cup like it was a treasure. “I don’t really like lime. But you’re right. Raspberry. Eww.”
She giggled and dug in to the jelly like concoction and Hyukjae smiled. His eyes toured the room, landing on the contended tired faces of the nurses’ who seemed grateful to have someone else to spend time with the small patients. When his gaze landed on Donghae, he’d reached the end of the room. Donghae had taken off his school blazer, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows and his hair was a disheveled mess. One of the younger kids sat in front of him, laughing loudly, shrieking almost, as Donghae played peek-a -boo with him and tickled him mercilessly.
He remembered that day when he’d ran into to Donghae with his cousin at the park. Donghae seemed to naturally respond to kids. It made sense. It wasn’t that long since he’d been one himself. The same could be said about Hyukjae, and yet he couldn’t remember what it felt like to laugh at something only he understood and want nothing but his mother’s arms when he cried.
Before he could look away, Donghae caught his eyes and was smiling at him. Hyukjae smiled in return, self conscious at being caught staring but Donghae simply turned back to the little boy in front of him and whispered something. Hyukjae watched as the boy nodded and got up. He waddled towards Hyukjae, and without saying anything, he plopped into Hyukjae’s lap, fuzzy brown hair tickling Hyukjae’s chin, and promptly fell asleep.
Hyukjae looked over at Donghae, but he was paying attention to some of the other kids and getting his fingers covered in non-toxic orange finger paint. Hyukjae stacked up the discarded building blocks Jonghyun didn’t use-he gave them to Hyukjae for safe keeping while he built his fantasy amusement park which would be bigger than Tokyo Disney-, listened to Sunkyu’s stories of the big lime tree in her grandma’s back yard, and held the little boy securely in his arms, his steady breathing against his throat comforting Hyukjae like nothing had in a long time.
*
“This guy is a dumbass.”
“You’re telling me.”
“I’m serious. I bet his university diplomas were all forged by some internet site.”
“What are you complaining about? You got an A-.”
“I know! This was totally an A+ test.”
Hyukjae rolled his eyes at Kyuhyun lying next to him on the bench with one arm extended upwards staring blaringly at his test. Hyukjae looked at his own tests, scattered with red marks and sighed. Not as bad as past exams, he’d scored a C and besides math had never been his subject. Kyuhyun grumbled something under his breath and leaned down to stuff the test back into his opened backpack, taking something out. His game consol, of course. Hyukjae didn’t protest when Kyuhyun nudged Hyukjae’s leg with his head so he could use his thigh as a pillow while he played.
Slumping against the bench, Hyukjae let himself be lulled by the light breeze and the weight of Kyuhyun’s head, only half listening to Kyuhyun’s chatter crisscrossing between the new game he’d gotten and the latest wart he’d discovered on his clarinet teacher’s face which was highly distracting to Kyuhyun fully grasping Stravinsky’s Three Pieces for Clarinet Solo.
“Sungmin says I shouldn’t let his face distract me and that his sax teacher has nose hairs and how that hasn’t stopped him from learning Charlie Parker’s “Billie’s Bounce” and “Anthropology” in one class.” Kyuhyun paused to curse when his player almost died and shift his head on his temporary pillow. “As if it’s the same. Warts are way more distracting than nose hairs. And besides, the clarinet is way tougher to master than the saxophone.”
“Don’t let Sungmin hear you,” Hyukjae chuckled. “He’ll sick his nun chucks on you.”
He felt Kyuhyun flinch and shake his head. “Never again. I learned my lesson back in fourth grade.”
Basking in the memory of a nine year old Sungmin terrorizing an eight year old Kyuhyun with foam covered nun chucks, Hyukjae threw his head back in laughter. Sungmin’s current set lacked the foam so they’d probably hurt like a bitch. No one was willing to act as guinea pig just to see much. Kyuhyun dug his elbow in Hyukjae’s side, bringing Hyukjae back from his laughing fit to be faced with something Hyukjae hadn’t been exactly looking forward too.
Donghae seemed to be frozen, his uneasiness transparent from across the lawn. Seconds trickled by between them and Hyukjae felt himself tense in dread of what would happen.
He shouldn’t have worried.
With something akin to a snap, Donghae gave him a small nod and a half wave, then turned and continued his way into the school building. Hyukjae let go the breath he’d been holding.
“That was weird.”
“Huh?” Hyukjae peered down at Kyuhyun who still had his eyes locked on his game.
“That. You and Donghae. I thought you guys got along now.”
“Uhhh.”
“And last I heard, staring stupidly at someone like you’re about to puke your breakfast is not an indication you’re happy to see them.” Kyuhyun smirked when he managed to behead the zombie in his game. “But then again, I don’t stay up with the trends, so don’t take my word for it.”
“Yah!” Hyukjae protested because he had not looked like he was about to puke anything. But Kyuhyun merely sat up and paused his game before stuffing it in his bag. He swung his bag over his shoulders and looked at Hyukjae with mock sympathy.
“Whatever you say, hyung.” And with that, Kyuhyun walked in the same direction Donghae had previously, saying something about finishing his math homework in the library.
Hyukjae sighed as he watched Kyuhyun walk back into school. He should probably head inside as well, the bell was about to ring soon. But instead, Hyukjae stayed where he was, letting the spring breeze run through his hair and melt the sun’s glare off his skin. It was mid spring now, but summer would be approaching soon enough and along with it, hotter days and week long period of exams no one was looking forward to. It was obvious in how green the trees were turning, endless leaves replenishing naked branches. The ever changing cycle of seasons, that ironically, was so predictable. Spring, summer, autumn, winter. From one season to the next, nature knew how to act, when to change. To go from freezing all the way to a boiling point. Winter would never end in summer; spring would never morph into autumn. Leaves go from green to orange and yellow and red till they dry and fall so new ones replace them. Easy to see, even easier to predict. Hyukjae wished all things were so easy.
---
“For someone who says he doesn’t like kids, you seemed to have fun today.” Donghae said with a knowing smile.
Hyukjae shrugged, slipping back into his blazer. “Yeah, well. I was dancing. Dancing’s always fun.”
Donghae didn’t look convinced but said nothing. He finished packing up the cd’s they’d used and stacked them up. The kids were gone now, each in their respective rooms, having treatment or some therapy session. The room seemed so sterile without them, Hyukjae thought, the life they injected in the white space gone and evaporated now.
“So,” Donghae grabbed his own blazer and threw it over his shoulder. “You hungry? Cause I’m starving and I was thinking we could grab some ramen at the restaurant across the street.” There was hopefulness in Donghae’s eyes, like he thought Hyukjae would say no but was asking anyways.
Realizing he hadn’t eaten since lunch, Hyukjae considered saying yes. He’d spent the afternoon with Donghae, one meal wouldn’t hurt. Besides, Hyukjae could feel his stomach protesting from the lack of fuel. He better eat before it started vocalizing its complaints.
He was about to nod when one of the nurses approached them with a soft smile. “We really appreciate you boys coming today. Lately, people rather donate to the hospital then volunteer.”
“We’re just glad to help in some way,” Donghae spoke for both of them, but Hyukjae silently agreed. It did feel good.
The nurse smiled at them, a tinge of sadness in her hunched shoulders. “The little dears deserve all the happiness they can get. Smiles make it easier on them. Their families get through it better if it’s not all tears and sorrow.”
Hyukjae raised an eyebrow, puzzled. “Through it?”
“Ahh,” she clicked her tongue lightly. “It’s hard nonetheless. Loosing a child is never easy. But if they spent their last days smiling, we’ll remember them like that. In our memories, their smiles will be the thing we see.”
Hyukjae thought he heard Donghae say something back, but Hyukjae was no longer listening. He felt like the wind had been knocked out of his chest. He stared at the floor, unseeing the deep blue of the rug. The room was too small, his tie was too tight and there was a grip on his heart that it kind of hurt to breathe. Hyukjae had to get out, he desperately needed air. Without a second thought, he started walking, unsure of the direction but just mindlessly looking for the nearest exit.
“Hyukjae!”
He didn’t stop. Just kept going.
“Hyukjae! Wait!.”
Air. Hyukjae. needed. air. Now.
“Hyukjae. What. Hyukjae, stop!”
Hyukjae would have kept going but Donghae caught up to him and, grabbing his arm, yanked him to a halt.
“Hyukjae, what,” Donghae paused to take a breath. He’d obviously ran; Hyukjae heard his hurried footsteps, his breathing fast and quick. Grip firm on Hyukjae’s arm, he looked up at him and his confusion turned into surprise at the angry look in Hyukjae’s eyes.
“Why did you bring me here?” Hyukjae asked, trying to shake off Donghae’s hand. “They. They don’t. Won’t.”
“Hyukjae,” Donghae said slowly, trying to calm him. It only made breathing harder. “What-”
Hyukjae finally jerked his hand off his arm, taking a few steps backwards. When he finally spoke, his voice wasn’t more than a whisper. “I held him. In my arms. And he’s going to die.”
Donghae sighed, his shoulders slouching in release of tension. “I know.”
There was gentleness in how Donghae said those two words, in his eyes and in his hands between them. Hyukjae felt something rise in him. It wasn’t anger, but that’s how it came out.
“You know?!” Hyukjae shouted, wondering just why exactly he felt so suffocated. “I didn’t ask to come here. I didn’t even. And you just. You.” Giving an exasperated sigh, Hyukjae bit his lip. Donghae had flinched when Hyukjae spoke, unsure of how to react. Hyukjae didn’t give him the chance to.
Donghae took a tentative step towards Hyukjae, but Hyukjae jumped like Donghae being too close had burned him. “No. I need to leave. I need to go.” He turned around and headed down the hall, taking a short cut to the stairs instead of the elevator.
Donghae didn’t follow him and once Hyukjae was outside he inhaled as much as air as he could but he still couldn’t breathe.
---
The shrill of the bell jolted Hyukjae back to reality. Watching the last few students run inside, he felt himself go slack against the bench.
He shouldn’t have gotten angry. Hyukjae wasn’t exactly sure why he’d gotten angry, but it seemed to be only way to react. What he really felt, was a sense of emptiness. He thought of the children in the hospital, their smiling faces and eager dance steps and felt like he really might throw up like Kyuhyun said. It was unfair. Hyukjae knew he was too old for things like It’s unfair, but it was. It really really was. Hyukjae knew everyone died. At some point, one generation had to give way to the next. But why did some people have to go before they even got a chance to actually live?
Some kids got to play and go to school and have friends and soft beds to call home while others spent most of their times with nurses and trying to just survive. Hyukjae had been the former. Jonghyun and Sunkyu and the other kids whom Hyukjae had smiled and danced with were the latter. Hyukjae took air for granted. Other kids struggled to keep breathing.
If Hyukjae had lashed out at Donghae, it was because Donghae had made him see that. People didn’t want to think about kids who were sick and dying. Didn’t want to think about why them and not me? But why not him, Hyukjae wondered. It was stupid to feel guilty, useless and he’d done a good thing by going and without even trying, made them smile.
His phone started buzzing. Hyukjae chuckled at the text YOU’RE LATE! WHERE ARE YOU? from Sungmin and decided to finally, go inside and ready himself for a scolding.
*
His shadow followed Hyukjae all the way to the basketball court three nights later. He’d stayed away, contenting himself with sleepless nights filled with playing games with Kyuhyun-which he always lost-. Tonight, he seemed restless. His father hadn’t come home-meeting had run late, he’d said when he’d called- so when his mother had gone off to bed, Hyukjae had slipped out the back door.
Seeing the court in the distance, Hyukjae felt instantly calm. There was something so serene about being here at night. Even when he’d been lying there by himself, Hyukjae had never felt alone. The lack of lights made the stars visible in the usually dark city sky, it felt like that part of the park were somewhere else. Somewhere only Hyukjae knew. Well, and Donghae. But Hyukjae didn’t ponder that.
Hyukjae should not have been surprised Donghae was already there, stretched to his limits.
Donghae didn’t say anything, eyes locked on the sky over their heads. So Hyukjae didn’t say anything either, opting to lay himself down and watch the bundles of stars playing in the canopy of dark blue. They didn’t look silver to Hyukjae tonight. They were colorless, clear beams of lights. He heard the distant hum of cars, the faint bustle of the city just meters away, but from here, they might as well have been in a different universe. Above everything, Hyukjae listened to Donghae’s breathing, steady and even, disrupted by the sharp intake he took before he spoke.
“When my dad was sick,” he began, like he was talking about what he ate for lunch or his next school assignment. “Everyone fussed over my mother and my brother and me. Neighbors, family, friends. It was all about if we were eating, if we needed financial help to pay the hospital bills. If we needed someone to talk to about it. Everyone was trying to comfort us. No one tried to comfort my dad.” Hyukjae turned to look at Donghae without really meaning to, his eyes automatically drawn to his monotone voice.
“But how do you comfort someone who is dying?” Donghae sighed, folding his arms beneath his head, elbow almost touching Hyukjae’s head. “You don’t. You just try to make the time they have left worth wile. If you can. Sometimes you can’t. Sometimes they don’t want to.” Donghae looked at Hyukjae, brown mixing into brown with hints of light and silver and stars. “I go to the hospital to do what no one did for my dad. What I didn’t know how to do. I make them smile. I laugh with them and I dance with them and if it turns out that tomorrow they won’t be here anymore, at least they spent their last day happy. It might sound stupid and yeah, maybe it is, but it’s what my heart tells me to do. So I do it.”
Hyukjae opened his mouth, words pushing to spill through his lips, but nothing came out. Donghae turned his gaze back to the sky, his voice dropping lower and lower, like he was telling Hyukjae a secret.
“We are born knowing we are going to do die someday. We don’t think about it everyday. Thinking that, that won’t be for a very long time for now. But some people. Some people live knowing they’re going to die. It’s the first and last thing they think in the morning and before they fall asleep.” When Donghae let his head roll to meet Hyukjae’s eyes again, his eyes looked older and infinitely sadder than Hyukjae thought eyes could be. “So that thing people say about living like everyday like it’s your last. Life is such a delicate thing, and it’s ripped from our hands before we even realize it.”
“So sometimes, we have to be selfless. Put our happiness aside for someone else to be happy, for a little while. What you did yesterday, Hyukjae,” Donghae bit his lip and shook his head a little. “You gave those kids something not a lot of people are willing to. You gave them a little bit of yourself. You gave them another happy day. A good day. Don’t you think that’s worth something?”
Hyukjae sucked in a breath and let it go, realizing Donghae was done talking and was waiting for an answer. Folding his legs, he pushed himself up and sat up, forearms resting on his knees, tress in the distance and the basketball hoop before them as he stared out into darkness. Hyukjae knew everything Donghae had just said, but hearing it out loud, all of his thoughts vocalized in someone else’s voice, made the guilt he knew he had been feeling slowly start to dissolve. Realizing someone understands the way you feel, feels even more than you do, turns the most complicated maze into a single straight line.
He looked over his shoulder at Donghae stretched out and watching him, eyes questioning. The stars light up his face, flittering in between Donghae’s eyelashes.
“Yeah,” Hyukjae answered after a long moment. “It is.”
Donghae nodded once, his eyes softening. Hyukjae looked forward again, smiling a little when he realized the weight on his stomach was hunger. Hyukjae didn’t think. He just felt and he listened to his gut and well, his stomach.
“You hungry?”
“What?” Donghae sat as well, startled at the abrupt subject change.
“Ramen sounds good now and I think I owe you a meal.”
Donghae raised his eyebrows, something like shock playing across his face. “You do?”
“Yeah,” Hyukjae said slowly. “So,” he raised one brow to match Donghae’s.
A smile spread across Donghae’s lips, a little confused but nonetheless, bright under a thousand stars. Donghae nodded, and Hyukjae felt the knot on his stomach lessening. “Ramen sounds good.”
*
a/n: It feels like this took forever to update but i've been super busy with classes and this fic has required a major re-write from it's original draft. Though I am almost done with the next chap so expect a quick update =)