(no subject)
I'm not adjusting well. I keep having panic attacks. Everything feels wrong. I came home feeling so different, but now everything just feels rushed and I can't keep up. I found a house and I'm washing dishes for a restaurant to supplement my income until I find another job.
My landlord's sister keeps coming into the house to snoop around. She came when I was at Brenna's graduation and took pictures all around the house. She ignored Nigel when he said that my room was off limits when I'm not home and took pictures of all my stuff and made comments about how I live based on my being half unpacked and disorganized after having gotten home after 4 months of being away just two days prior. I don't know what that was all about.
My new house has a bullet hole in the front window, but the rent is low enough that I can live there alone so I'm ok with it.
I almost moved in with Young Mike, but then I went over to the place he is living now and saw what a mess Jim's house is now compared to when Jonah lived there. I started panicking and told had to leave after being there for a few minutes. I went home and I thought it over a lot and decided that I would rather have him hate me for backing out on him than be stuck living with him for a year and starting to hate each other that way. I payed him his part of the money that we had put down on a place and just told him that I found a better situation.
I think I need to go back on my medication. Why is it that I can deal with dying people for months on my own without freaking out, yet coming back to a place where I have electricity for 24 hours a day and won't die from drinking the water has me feeling like I would like to drink some water and curl up and die?
My landlord's sister keeps coming into the house to snoop around. She came when I was at Brenna's graduation and took pictures all around the house. She ignored Nigel when he said that my room was off limits when I'm not home and took pictures of all my stuff and made comments about how I live based on my being half unpacked and disorganized after having gotten home after 4 months of being away just two days prior. I don't know what that was all about.
My new house has a bullet hole in the front window, but the rent is low enough that I can live there alone so I'm ok with it.
I almost moved in with Young Mike, but then I went over to the place he is living now and saw what a mess Jim's house is now compared to when Jonah lived there. I started panicking and told had to leave after being there for a few minutes. I went home and I thought it over a lot and decided that I would rather have him hate me for backing out on him than be stuck living with him for a year and starting to hate each other that way. I payed him his part of the money that we had put down on a place and just told him that I found a better situation.
I think I need to go back on my medication. Why is it that I can deal with dying people for months on my own without freaking out, yet coming back to a place where I have electricity for 24 hours a day and won't die from drinking the water has me feeling like I would like to drink some water and curl up and die?