And I'll Fall Asleep Counting My Blessings...
A friend of mine read some of my entries and asked me why I never write about anything happy. This is a valid question and I told her that I use the journal to vent or bleed myself into cyber space. But just as not all tears are of sorrow, not all venting is of frustration or anger. So I think I'll just make a list of things I'm happy about...just for a change, you know. I'm not going soft. I'm happy for my Faith. I'm a Roman Catholic. Did I tell you that? I am. I'm happy I know the prayers at the Foot of the Altar (my mum's favorite). So few Catholics know that sort of thing anymore and if I think about it long enough, it just makes me cry, so I'll switch topics. The point being- I'm happy I know those prayers. I'm happy my baby brother's dead. That sounds monstrous, but not as I see it. My family went through alot of shit in it's early stages. Had God not taken him from us, we would not have been able to lean on him (my brother). People here see me walking in the soccer fields late at night, head cocked upwards talking to sky and think everything except the truth. I'm talking to Max. I'm glad he got to go, even if I never get to. I'm happy I can talk to my family anywhere there is sky. And because of him...I'm happy I'm never alone. I'm happy my parents spanked me as a child. It's the sort of thing that makes me appreciate the love they constantly give me. Otherwise, I would almost certainly grow numb to their love. I'm negligent that way. I'm happy they loved me enough to cause themselves pain for my future well being. That's another thing- I'm happy for my parents. Those bull headed stubborn Germans back home. I told you about them already, so I don't need to go into it. Sufficive to say- I'm happy about them. I'm happy about my siblings, blood and extended. My little brother reminds me how to laugh. I look at him now and think "Holy crap, I wish I was that cool in 7th grade..." My eldest sister reminds me not to take myself or life too seriously because I'll turn into a nasty stinky poopy person who dos'nt like bunnies or things that go boom (both being equally cute in my sister's eyes). My other sister and I look alot alike. Twins, you might say and depending on who you are, often do. She really pisses me off sometimes, but thats only because I too am a stubborn German and I get real sick of her being right so often (notice I did'nt say always). My other brother, Chesty Le Rue...I'm just happy about. Read my earlier entry for more. I'm happy about my siblings. I'm happy that commercial conformity pisses me off to no extent. I'm happy that I think people who shop at Abercrombie and Hollister and the like have something seriously wrong with their inner spirit. It's not that I think I'm right which makes me happy. Its the fact that to my knowledge, I'm the only one who feels that way. I'm happy about my school. The faith here is awesome (in the classical sense of the word). I'm happy about the 8 or 9 priests we have on campus just itching to hear my confession. I'm happy about my friends here who love me for who I am. Maybe that's the big one that could have saved alot of space. I'm happy about the love in my life. It's all about the love...