Pebble vs boulder
A comment found on reddit that resonated...
“My husband and I have a philosophy that we work with, that we call pebble vs. boulder. I don't remember where we picked it up, or who to give credit to, but it have been a godsend in our marriage, and while parenting.
How it works is that sometimes you say something that feels innocent enough to you, (tossing a pebble) but in fact, it hits the other person like a bolder. And the trick to dealing with that is to openly communicate with the other person when it happens. When one of us says something that hits the other person, then the person who is hit says "whoa, what did you mean by that?"
Then the other person has a chance to explain- and it has never, not even once, meant the hurtful thing that it felt like. It gives us chance to talk about where and why that particular 'twitch' comes from, and why it hurt. We've used it for as long as we've been together, and it has helped us understand each other.”
“My husband and I have a philosophy that we work with, that we call pebble vs. boulder. I don't remember where we picked it up, or who to give credit to, but it have been a godsend in our marriage, and while parenting.
How it works is that sometimes you say something that feels innocent enough to you, (tossing a pebble) but in fact, it hits the other person like a bolder. And the trick to dealing with that is to openly communicate with the other person when it happens. When one of us says something that hits the other person, then the person who is hit says "whoa, what did you mean by that?"
Then the other person has a chance to explain- and it has never, not even once, meant the hurtful thing that it felt like. It gives us chance to talk about where and why that particular 'twitch' comes from, and why it hurt. We've used it for as long as we've been together, and it has helped us understand each other.”