ya know.
he always does that.
i get a good feeling about something, and he's gotta go and wreck it.
right after i posted last, i went skipping out, and into the living room, and happy and what not, and he just bottoms it all out. worrying about the other electrician job he applied for, about finances, blah blah. And how he's worried about us, because he's never had an apartment in both names, never even in his name. just hers. So then i freaked out, of course in my head. How am i supposed to feel good about this, if he has all this doubt? he's gotta be the one behind me right now, i've got enough to worry about. If he worried about us having this place in both our names and all that, why am i not? is this okay? is this really happening? is this going to work?
but luckily, other than my capabilities as a mother, and other baby related items, i can calm myself down, and realign myself.
who cares what he thinks? he's not doing anything at all to make me unhappy. He did this, and he wouldn't before with a girl. and with ME.
and it hit me last night, when we made dinner (well, i did) and we ate, and then we both cleaned up, and he made the comment, something relative to being like a little family, and we both got quiet and smiled.
this will be okay.
we both love each other.
we're starting a family (HOLY CRAZY?!?! that's just started hitting me the last few days)
and other than our own childish quirks, we're both adults in this matter.
we're responsible with each other, honest, and honestly...
I couldn't be happier still.
every once in a while i start freaking about finances, and how much worse it'll be when the baby comes, and then i calm myself down. He's trying. I'm trying. and it's working.
The only thing i freak out about is how i'm gonna suck as a mom, what am i going to do about daycare when i go back to work, how soon am i going to have to go back to work, is there a chance i could take a year off with the baby. Do daycares take babies at a certain age. What are we going to do about all the baby stuff we still need, what about his STUPID CAR?! What will we do about bills, and rent while i'm off. GAH.
but i'm guessing i'm just getting that crazy maternal freak out thing. i dunno. maybe i'm psycho.
I'm off.
I haven't ranted in here like this, probably in months.
<3
i get a good feeling about something, and he's gotta go and wreck it.
right after i posted last, i went skipping out, and into the living room, and happy and what not, and he just bottoms it all out. worrying about the other electrician job he applied for, about finances, blah blah. And how he's worried about us, because he's never had an apartment in both names, never even in his name. just hers. So then i freaked out, of course in my head. How am i supposed to feel good about this, if he has all this doubt? he's gotta be the one behind me right now, i've got enough to worry about. If he worried about us having this place in both our names and all that, why am i not? is this okay? is this really happening? is this going to work?
but luckily, other than my capabilities as a mother, and other baby related items, i can calm myself down, and realign myself.
who cares what he thinks? he's not doing anything at all to make me unhappy. He did this, and he wouldn't before with a girl. and with ME.
and it hit me last night, when we made dinner (well, i did) and we ate, and then we both cleaned up, and he made the comment, something relative to being like a little family, and we both got quiet and smiled.
this will be okay.
we both love each other.
we're starting a family (HOLY CRAZY?!?! that's just started hitting me the last few days)
and other than our own childish quirks, we're both adults in this matter.
we're responsible with each other, honest, and honestly...
I couldn't be happier still.
every once in a while i start freaking about finances, and how much worse it'll be when the baby comes, and then i calm myself down. He's trying. I'm trying. and it's working.
The only thing i freak out about is how i'm gonna suck as a mom, what am i going to do about daycare when i go back to work, how soon am i going to have to go back to work, is there a chance i could take a year off with the baby. Do daycares take babies at a certain age. What are we going to do about all the baby stuff we still need, what about his STUPID CAR?! What will we do about bills, and rent while i'm off. GAH.
but i'm guessing i'm just getting that crazy maternal freak out thing. i dunno. maybe i'm psycho.
I'm off.
I haven't ranted in here like this, probably in months.
<3