Fanfiction: Glee - Not What I Planned at All
Title: Not What I Planned at All
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Quinn tries to convince herself that she is not into Rachel. Songfic to Imogen Heap's The Walk.
Author's Note: Special thanks to miss_darkmoon for being an excellent beta. All mistakes are mine. I'm usually not into songfics, but I had to purge this from my system. So to all of you that skip over the song lyrics in this - don't worry about it. I do it all the time.
Quinn Fabray is not attracted to Rachel Berry. That she has recently been able to admit to herself that the petite brunette is a tiny bit adorable doesn’t mean anything. Thinking someone is adorable is a completely platonic feeling - like you have for a little sister or a pet. It is something girls are allowed to think about other girls, encouraged even. Kurt has on many occasions told her she looked cute and, he certainly was in no danger of falling for her. Just like she isn’t in danger of falling for Rachel Berry.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Inside out, upside-down, twisting beside myself
Stop that now, Cause you and I were never meant to be
Quinn is digging through her bag for her emergency stash of peanuts or goldfish when Rachel walks into the practice room. She feels a flash of hope that the girl will end up taking the empty seat next to her, but quickly squelches the desire. She can’t help being a little lonely because the glee club has yet to stop completely ostracizing her.
Unable to find her afternoon snack, Quinn growls in frustration and throws her bag to the ground. Focused on her own irritation, she almost misses Rachel approaching her holding out a granola bar.
“Take it,” Rachel offers. “I’ve noticed that you’ve needed to eat before glee lately. I’m sure this is a result of the increasing demands on your body due to the pregnancy. I always keep a spare just in case.”
Quinn sits there for a moment, still a little annoyed at not having her own food combined with the fact that Rachel Berry is the one standing before her. “Thanks,” she finally mumbles.
Quinn feels her stomach flutter when Rachel passes her the granola bar and their hands accidently graze. Pregnancy - it makes you hungry and …well, other things.
Rachel grins once her offering is accepted and proceeds to plop down in the seat next to Quinn. She begins chatting about what songs they are going to sing until Quinn cuts her off.
“I don’t know why you’re being so nice to me,” Quinn says. “You don’t have to. I’m a big girl. I can find my own friends.”
“But I want to, Quinn. And whereas I don’t doubt you could make your own friends, you seem not to want to expend any of your natural drive in doing so. Someone has to do the work, and I’m more than willing. I think you and I could get along quite nicely if we tried,” Rachel says earnestly, and God, Quinn wishes she would stop looking at her with those expectant brown eyes because things would be easier if Rachel just hated her for everything she’d done.
“Yeah, I doubt it,” Quinn scoffs and walks away.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think you better leave. It’s not safe in here.
I feel a weakness coming on.
Mr. Schue has them dress in their costumes for the dance rehearsal. They are going to be wearing heels that are a little higher than usual, thus the need for extra practice. Generally Quinn enjoys being in costume because it helps her get into the spirit of the performance better. Today, however, is a different story.
Rachel walks in sporting her short black skirt and red blouse and Quinn does a double take. Luckily because none of the gleeks really care about her, they miss her less then subtle response to Rachel’s appearance.
Feeling like this about Rachel cannot be happening, and so Quinn does her best to ignore the brunette. She counts the tiles on the ceiling, mathematically estimating for the partial tiles around the edges.
And now Mr. Schue’s placing them in the same group to learn the choreography. Great.
It’s really not the too-short skirt, because Rachel wears those to school almost every day. And Quinn has become (somewhat) immune to them (or not at all, really). The problem comes from the combination with those stupid heels that make her legs seem like they go on forever. Quinn didn’t even know she had a thing for legs before- which is because she most certainly does not. The internal mantra seems a bit futile when she can’t drag her gaze away from Rachel’s legs anyways.
Quinn’s distraction continues to the point that she forgets her cue in the choreography and stumbles when Rachel tries to backup into the place that she should have vacated.
“Get off me, man hands,” Quinn says venomously. “How about you join a different group, seeing as I can’t trust you not to knock me over?”
But it isn’t Rachel who Quinn doesn’t trust; it’s herself.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It’s not meant to be like this
Not what I planned at all
I don’t want to feel like this
So that makes it all your fault
Rachel is nothing if not persistent. So after a month and a half of insisting they will never be friends, Quinn, to her own disbelief, decides to give in to some extent. The work necessary in brushing Rachel off had made it more difficult to keep her mind off her unwanted thoughts.
“So are you going to sit with me?” Quinn says when Rachel approaches with her lunch.
Rachel looks just as stunned as Quinn that she’s not being actively discouraged from joining the table. She quickly regains her composure and with a bright smile says, “I would love to Quinn. I am glad you finally decided to give our now impending friendship a chance.”
“This isn’t something where you get to call me and hang out or anything like that,” Quinn says with force that she has only previously used as head cheerleader. Rachel for her part must be some kind of eternal optimist because she doesn’t let the statement faze her. She continues to grins in the annoyingly endearing way.
Quinn cannot help but give a small smile in return. And when Rachel slides over a granola bar that she has been craving ever since that day in glee, Quinn feels both a thrill and sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Sadly she doesn’t know which makes her feel worse.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alright then, (alright then),
I could keep your number for a rainy day.
That’s where this ends, No mistakes no misbehavin’
I was doing so well.
Could we just be friends?
I feel a weakness coming on
Quinn is alone and it’s a Friday night. Brittany left with Santana, and now Quinn finds herself the girl that has nothing to do and no one to be with on the weekend - in a house that isn’t even hers no less. Scrolling through her phone, Quinn searches for someone to call. She lingers over Puck’s name briefly before thinking better of it. Next she comes to Rachel’s name and Quinn laughs wryly to herself when she finds that she is hitting the send button.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday movie night quickly becomes a weekly occurrence with dinner added to the mix. Sometimes it’s with Rachel’s dads, others it’s just the two of them ordering takeout. And if Quinn is honest with herself, she realizes that being friends with Rachel instead of simply a school acquaintance makes things easier -both with regards to her confusing feelings for the brunette and her need to have someone genuinely support her.
Who would have thought hanging out with Rachel would make her not exactly platonic feelings abate because she was building a friendship?
On one particular night, Quinn wakes up on Rachel’s couch to the sound of the tv’s static, the movie long since over. Somehow, over the course of the evening, she and Rachel have shifted from their usual positions of leaning comfortably against one another (a perfectly acceptable thing for friends to do), and now the brunette is sprawled on top of her with her head nestled comfortably in the crook of Quinn’s neck.
Quinn is suddenly painfully aware of all the places Rachel’s body is pressed up against hers and even more so of where their skin is making contact. Quinn knows she should move, but she can’t because Rachel is warm and it feels as though they were meant to fit together this way. So much for things being easier.
Quinn’s breath quickens and the next thing she knows, Rachel is shifting on top of her, causing momentary panic to flood through her veins. But the feeling fades when Rachel looks up at her with sleepy eyes and tousled hair that is kind of sexy. Quinn knows she’s grinning down at Rachel like a fool, but she can’t restrain herself.
“Thanks for coming over,” Rachel says, returning the smile. She leans up and places a peck on the underside of Quinn’s jaw.
A blush rises in Rachel’s cheeks and Quinn can tell by the heat she can feel that the color is mirrored in her own.
The panic returns, and Quinn quickly extricates herself from Rachel’s grasp a bit more forcefully than she intends. “I should go” she mumbles.
“I’m sorry,” Rachel says, her hurt expression conveying she truly is.
“It’s fine. We just need to be… friends,” Quinn says with false conviction. “I really like being your friend.”
“Me too,” Rachel says with a nod, and Quinn can almost hear the unspoken, but I want to be more.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Big trouble, losing control
Primary resistance at a critical low
On the double, gotta get a hold
Point of no return only seconds to go
Quinn hates to admit it, but she misses Rachel. Despite their abbreviated and terribly awkward conversation about being friends, they end up avoiding one another.
They no longer sit together at lunch or in glee. They stopped meeting each other’s gaze after a week. Quinn couldn’t handle the wounded puppy look any longer. The only time she hears Rachel’s voice is when she sings. At least it’s something, she tells herself.
It isn’t as though Quinn doesn’t have other friends, couldn’t make other friends, if she wanted to. It is just that her life without Rachel feels empty now. And without wanting to, Quinn finds that instead of enjoying herself at Mercedes’ party for the gleeks, she is guarding the punch, wallowing in self pity.
So when Rachel enters the kitchen to refill her drink, not noticing the blonde leaning against the wall, Quinn can do nothing but stand there with a longing expression on her face. Rachel’s shoulders are slumped and although she can’t see her face Quinn can tell by her body language that she’s in a despondent mood.
Seeing Rachel downcast makes her stomach turn and suddenly she knows that she can’t leave tonight without making some attempt at fixing things. She needs her friend back. Quinn regains her composure and softly says “Rachel,” but her voice comes out much more vulnerable than she expected.
No response on any level
Red Alert, this vessel’s under siege
Rachel turns and she is not the wounded puppy that has been moping around glee. Rachel looks… defiant, Quinn finally settles on. It makes her worry that this is the end of anything good she ever had with the brunette.
Only Rachel doesn’t tell her off or try to debate the state of their current relationship. Instead she closes the distance between them, placing one hand gently on Quinn’s shoulder while the other lazily strokes her arm.
Quinn needs to turn away now before something happens - something more than has already happened, but for some reason her body won’t listen to her. When she resolved to fix things, this certainly isn’t what she planned.
Total overload. All systems down, they’ve got control
There’s no way out. We are surrounded.
GIVE IN, GIVE IN. And relish every minute of it.
When it becomes evident that Quinn isn’t going to resist, Rachel surges upward on her toes and places a hesitant kiss on her lips. And all the fighting that’s been occurring in Quinn’s head for the past months is silenced by that kiss.
Quinn feels Rachel about to pull away but she isn’t about to let that happen. She tangles her hands in Rachel’s soft brown hair and deepens the kiss. She hears a low moan escape from her own throat and Rachel responds with a whimper of her own. Eventually the need for oxygen causes them to part.
Quinn needs to do that again. Though the rest of the world had seemed to fade away, there were still too many new sensations to take in all the at once.
Foreheads resting against one another, Rachel tries to speak but instead strings words almost incoherently together. “You. That. Wow.”
“Did your brain short out too?” Quinn says and Rachel nods against her.
“I think so,” Rachel’s voice is low and breathy, and damn it’s sexy.
“This is all your fault,” Quinn says with a short laugh.
“I will gladly accept full responsibility for any and all consequences,” Rachel smirks.
“You better. Because those consequences are about to kick in right about now” Quinn says, wrapping her arms tightly around Rachel and pulling her in for another more passionate kiss.
Quinn could get used to feeling like this.
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Quinn tries to convince herself that she is not into Rachel. Songfic to Imogen Heap's The Walk.
Author's Note: Special thanks to miss_darkmoon for being an excellent beta. All mistakes are mine. I'm usually not into songfics, but I had to purge this from my system. So to all of you that skip over the song lyrics in this - don't worry about it. I do it all the time.
Quinn Fabray is not attracted to Rachel Berry. That she has recently been able to admit to herself that the petite brunette is a tiny bit adorable doesn’t mean anything. Thinking someone is adorable is a completely platonic feeling - like you have for a little sister or a pet. It is something girls are allowed to think about other girls, encouraged even. Kurt has on many occasions told her she looked cute and, he certainly was in no danger of falling for her. Just like she isn’t in danger of falling for Rachel Berry.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Inside out, upside-down, twisting beside myself
Stop that now, Cause you and I were never meant to be
Quinn is digging through her bag for her emergency stash of peanuts or goldfish when Rachel walks into the practice room. She feels a flash of hope that the girl will end up taking the empty seat next to her, but quickly squelches the desire. She can’t help being a little lonely because the glee club has yet to stop completely ostracizing her.
Unable to find her afternoon snack, Quinn growls in frustration and throws her bag to the ground. Focused on her own irritation, she almost misses Rachel approaching her holding out a granola bar.
“Take it,” Rachel offers. “I’ve noticed that you’ve needed to eat before glee lately. I’m sure this is a result of the increasing demands on your body due to the pregnancy. I always keep a spare just in case.”
Quinn sits there for a moment, still a little annoyed at not having her own food combined with the fact that Rachel Berry is the one standing before her. “Thanks,” she finally mumbles.
Quinn feels her stomach flutter when Rachel passes her the granola bar and their hands accidently graze. Pregnancy - it makes you hungry and …well, other things.
Rachel grins once her offering is accepted and proceeds to plop down in the seat next to Quinn. She begins chatting about what songs they are going to sing until Quinn cuts her off.
“I don’t know why you’re being so nice to me,” Quinn says. “You don’t have to. I’m a big girl. I can find my own friends.”
“But I want to, Quinn. And whereas I don’t doubt you could make your own friends, you seem not to want to expend any of your natural drive in doing so. Someone has to do the work, and I’m more than willing. I think you and I could get along quite nicely if we tried,” Rachel says earnestly, and God, Quinn wishes she would stop looking at her with those expectant brown eyes because things would be easier if Rachel just hated her for everything she’d done.
“Yeah, I doubt it,” Quinn scoffs and walks away.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think you better leave. It’s not safe in here.
I feel a weakness coming on.
Mr. Schue has them dress in their costumes for the dance rehearsal. They are going to be wearing heels that are a little higher than usual, thus the need for extra practice. Generally Quinn enjoys being in costume because it helps her get into the spirit of the performance better. Today, however, is a different story.
Rachel walks in sporting her short black skirt and red blouse and Quinn does a double take. Luckily because none of the gleeks really care about her, they miss her less then subtle response to Rachel’s appearance.
Feeling like this about Rachel cannot be happening, and so Quinn does her best to ignore the brunette. She counts the tiles on the ceiling, mathematically estimating for the partial tiles around the edges.
And now Mr. Schue’s placing them in the same group to learn the choreography. Great.
It’s really not the too-short skirt, because Rachel wears those to school almost every day. And Quinn has become (somewhat) immune to them (or not at all, really). The problem comes from the combination with those stupid heels that make her legs seem like they go on forever. Quinn didn’t even know she had a thing for legs before- which is because she most certainly does not. The internal mantra seems a bit futile when she can’t drag her gaze away from Rachel’s legs anyways.
Quinn’s distraction continues to the point that she forgets her cue in the choreography and stumbles when Rachel tries to backup into the place that she should have vacated.
“Get off me, man hands,” Quinn says venomously. “How about you join a different group, seeing as I can’t trust you not to knock me over?”
But it isn’t Rachel who Quinn doesn’t trust; it’s herself.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It’s not meant to be like this
Not what I planned at all
I don’t want to feel like this
So that makes it all your fault
Rachel is nothing if not persistent. So after a month and a half of insisting they will never be friends, Quinn, to her own disbelief, decides to give in to some extent. The work necessary in brushing Rachel off had made it more difficult to keep her mind off her unwanted thoughts.
“So are you going to sit with me?” Quinn says when Rachel approaches with her lunch.
Rachel looks just as stunned as Quinn that she’s not being actively discouraged from joining the table. She quickly regains her composure and with a bright smile says, “I would love to Quinn. I am glad you finally decided to give our now impending friendship a chance.”
“This isn’t something where you get to call me and hang out or anything like that,” Quinn says with force that she has only previously used as head cheerleader. Rachel for her part must be some kind of eternal optimist because she doesn’t let the statement faze her. She continues to grins in the annoyingly endearing way.
Quinn cannot help but give a small smile in return. And when Rachel slides over a granola bar that she has been craving ever since that day in glee, Quinn feels both a thrill and sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Sadly she doesn’t know which makes her feel worse.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alright then, (alright then),
I could keep your number for a rainy day.
That’s where this ends, No mistakes no misbehavin’
I was doing so well.
Could we just be friends?
I feel a weakness coming on
Quinn is alone and it’s a Friday night. Brittany left with Santana, and now Quinn finds herself the girl that has nothing to do and no one to be with on the weekend - in a house that isn’t even hers no less. Scrolling through her phone, Quinn searches for someone to call. She lingers over Puck’s name briefly before thinking better of it. Next she comes to Rachel’s name and Quinn laughs wryly to herself when she finds that she is hitting the send button.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday movie night quickly becomes a weekly occurrence with dinner added to the mix. Sometimes it’s with Rachel’s dads, others it’s just the two of them ordering takeout. And if Quinn is honest with herself, she realizes that being friends with Rachel instead of simply a school acquaintance makes things easier -both with regards to her confusing feelings for the brunette and her need to have someone genuinely support her.
Who would have thought hanging out with Rachel would make her not exactly platonic feelings abate because she was building a friendship?
On one particular night, Quinn wakes up on Rachel’s couch to the sound of the tv’s static, the movie long since over. Somehow, over the course of the evening, she and Rachel have shifted from their usual positions of leaning comfortably against one another (a perfectly acceptable thing for friends to do), and now the brunette is sprawled on top of her with her head nestled comfortably in the crook of Quinn’s neck.
Quinn is suddenly painfully aware of all the places Rachel’s body is pressed up against hers and even more so of where their skin is making contact. Quinn knows she should move, but she can’t because Rachel is warm and it feels as though they were meant to fit together this way. So much for things being easier.
Quinn’s breath quickens and the next thing she knows, Rachel is shifting on top of her, causing momentary panic to flood through her veins. But the feeling fades when Rachel looks up at her with sleepy eyes and tousled hair that is kind of sexy. Quinn knows she’s grinning down at Rachel like a fool, but she can’t restrain herself.
“Thanks for coming over,” Rachel says, returning the smile. She leans up and places a peck on the underside of Quinn’s jaw.
A blush rises in Rachel’s cheeks and Quinn can tell by the heat she can feel that the color is mirrored in her own.
The panic returns, and Quinn quickly extricates herself from Rachel’s grasp a bit more forcefully than she intends. “I should go” she mumbles.
“I’m sorry,” Rachel says, her hurt expression conveying she truly is.
“It’s fine. We just need to be… friends,” Quinn says with false conviction. “I really like being your friend.”
“Me too,” Rachel says with a nod, and Quinn can almost hear the unspoken, but I want to be more.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Big trouble, losing control
Primary resistance at a critical low
On the double, gotta get a hold
Point of no return only seconds to go
Quinn hates to admit it, but she misses Rachel. Despite their abbreviated and terribly awkward conversation about being friends, they end up avoiding one another.
They no longer sit together at lunch or in glee. They stopped meeting each other’s gaze after a week. Quinn couldn’t handle the wounded puppy look any longer. The only time she hears Rachel’s voice is when she sings. At least it’s something, she tells herself.
It isn’t as though Quinn doesn’t have other friends, couldn’t make other friends, if she wanted to. It is just that her life without Rachel feels empty now. And without wanting to, Quinn finds that instead of enjoying herself at Mercedes’ party for the gleeks, she is guarding the punch, wallowing in self pity.
So when Rachel enters the kitchen to refill her drink, not noticing the blonde leaning against the wall, Quinn can do nothing but stand there with a longing expression on her face. Rachel’s shoulders are slumped and although she can’t see her face Quinn can tell by her body language that she’s in a despondent mood.
Seeing Rachel downcast makes her stomach turn and suddenly she knows that she can’t leave tonight without making some attempt at fixing things. She needs her friend back. Quinn regains her composure and softly says “Rachel,” but her voice comes out much more vulnerable than she expected.
No response on any level
Red Alert, this vessel’s under siege
Rachel turns and she is not the wounded puppy that has been moping around glee. Rachel looks… defiant, Quinn finally settles on. It makes her worry that this is the end of anything good she ever had with the brunette.
Only Rachel doesn’t tell her off or try to debate the state of their current relationship. Instead she closes the distance between them, placing one hand gently on Quinn’s shoulder while the other lazily strokes her arm.
Quinn needs to turn away now before something happens - something more than has already happened, but for some reason her body won’t listen to her. When she resolved to fix things, this certainly isn’t what she planned.
Total overload. All systems down, they’ve got control
There’s no way out. We are surrounded.
GIVE IN, GIVE IN. And relish every minute of it.
When it becomes evident that Quinn isn’t going to resist, Rachel surges upward on her toes and places a hesitant kiss on her lips. And all the fighting that’s been occurring in Quinn’s head for the past months is silenced by that kiss.
Quinn feels Rachel about to pull away but she isn’t about to let that happen. She tangles her hands in Rachel’s soft brown hair and deepens the kiss. She hears a low moan escape from her own throat and Rachel responds with a whimper of her own. Eventually the need for oxygen causes them to part.
Quinn needs to do that again. Though the rest of the world had seemed to fade away, there were still too many new sensations to take in all the at once.
Foreheads resting against one another, Rachel tries to speak but instead strings words almost incoherently together. “You. That. Wow.”
“Did your brain short out too?” Quinn says and Rachel nods against her.
“I think so,” Rachel’s voice is low and breathy, and damn it’s sexy.
“This is all your fault,” Quinn says with a short laugh.
“I will gladly accept full responsibility for any and all consequences,” Rachel smirks.
“You better. Because those consequences are about to kick in right about now” Quinn says, wrapping her arms tightly around Rachel and pulling her in for another more passionate kiss.
Quinn could get used to feeling like this.