deaf dumb & blind you just keep on pretending that everyones expendable and no one has a real friend
i have so many things to say to you. but i'm not really sure it's worth my time for the second time. you'll never read this- mostly because i don't want you to, but also because i'm not sure i could even say these things to your face. but it needs to be said. i need to get this out of me. you've hurt the two people i care about most in this world more than anyone could ever dream of doing. you're a pathological liar, a criminal, a drug addict. you've treated your friends and family carelessly countless times. we've given you our hearts, our friendships, our love, our prayers, our support, our excuses, our forgiveness over and over again and you've managed to trample all over it every time. you're sick, joel. you need rehab. you need mental help. you need medication and therapy and you need to be regulated and monitored. you need to disappear and start a new life for yourself. i pray to god that you find that. i pray for your life. that you can save yourself. because we cant save you anymore. you've burned these bridges beyond repair. i love you and pray for you and will care about you and think about you for the rest of my life and always always will hope that you've found the peace of mind with yourself that you need in order to live and overcome all of your demons inside of you. but i can not, i will not, love you and support you and forgive you while you continue to hurt the people i love and your family who have been so good to you. my heart aches for you and for all the things you will have to deal with for the rest of your life. it breaks my heart to pieces to know that you will always be fighting against yourself. you are your own worst enemy and i feel pity for you. but i cannot help you anymore. we cannot help you anymore. my heart and faith will never give up on you. i cannot wait for the day when i hear about how you're safe and healthy and loved again. and it saddens me that we won't be around to experience that with you. you deserve to be healthy again. you deserve your life. you deserve to be that person we all love again. you deserve to get better, and i want nothing more in this world for you than for you to get the help that you need.