Breathtaking moments - two versions
Title: Breathtaking Moments
Author: StarDuchess
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 100 and 312
Warnings: remembered torture but nothing graphic
Notes: This was written for month 12 over at dmhgchallenge for the prompt: amazing. The first is the 100-word count version that was submitted. The second is the original at 312 words. I thought you all might enjoy the differences between the two and how my creative process happened to condense it down.
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She had escaped into the minimalist sitting room, vividly aware of being here before on less than auspicious circumstances. She rested one hand on the floor, the other placed over her mouth to seal in her shuddering breaths. She could still hear her own screams in the night.
She was lost in remembered pain when gentle hands cupped her face.
"Granger, it doesn't have to be like this."
With the slightest touch, her nightmares swirled away in a maelstrom of electricity. Like Muggle fireworks, each shift of his lips erupted lightning through her, one breathtaking moment after another. Simply amazing.
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Here is the original:
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She had wandered into the formal sitting room intent on escaping the pureblood hounds. If she wasn't a Ministry department head, she would never have been invited to the party at Malfoy Manor, but here she was, hating it. It didn't make matters easier that she didn't have a date. Ron had long ago left after one too many arguments. Most men found her too bossy or too plain or even too smart to consider dating her. Everyone else thought her a prude for not spreading her legs for every wizard that walked by, but she knew she wanted to save it for someone special. Unfortunately, no one seemed to fit the bill. It galled her even more to think that Malfoy had called her on it first thing upon her arrival tonight.
Looking around the minimalist room, she became vividly aware that she had been here before on less than auspicious circumstances. Visions swirled in her mind of Ron and Harry, his face swollen with pustules, being dragged out of sight, Lucius sneering, Fenrir menacing, Bellatrix coming at her with anger-filled eyes and disgust on her face. She dropped to her knees and rested one hand on the floor where she had been tortured, the other placed over her mouth to seal in her shuddering breaths. She could still hear her own screams in the night.
She was lost in remembered pain and terror when gentle hands cupped either side of her face. Velvety thumbs wiped up her leaking tears.
"Granger, it doesn't have to be like this."
With the slightest touch, her nightmares swirled away in the maelstrom of electricity that passed between them. Lightening erupted up and down her spine and all of her tingled. It was like Muggle fireworks, each shift of his lips producing oohs and ahhs tumbling through her, one breathtaking moment after another. Simply amazing.
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Author: StarDuchess
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 100 and 312
Warnings: remembered torture but nothing graphic
Notes: This was written for month 12 over at dmhgchallenge for the prompt: amazing. The first is the 100-word count version that was submitted. The second is the original at 312 words. I thought you all might enjoy the differences between the two and how my creative process happened to condense it down.
-
She had escaped into the minimalist sitting room, vividly aware of being here before on less than auspicious circumstances. She rested one hand on the floor, the other placed over her mouth to seal in her shuddering breaths. She could still hear her own screams in the night.
She was lost in remembered pain when gentle hands cupped her face.
"Granger, it doesn't have to be like this."
With the slightest touch, her nightmares swirled away in a maelstrom of electricity. Like Muggle fireworks, each shift of his lips erupted lightning through her, one breathtaking moment after another. Simply amazing.
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Here is the original:
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She had wandered into the formal sitting room intent on escaping the pureblood hounds. If she wasn't a Ministry department head, she would never have been invited to the party at Malfoy Manor, but here she was, hating it. It didn't make matters easier that she didn't have a date. Ron had long ago left after one too many arguments. Most men found her too bossy or too plain or even too smart to consider dating her. Everyone else thought her a prude for not spreading her legs for every wizard that walked by, but she knew she wanted to save it for someone special. Unfortunately, no one seemed to fit the bill. It galled her even more to think that Malfoy had called her on it first thing upon her arrival tonight.
Looking around the minimalist room, she became vividly aware that she had been here before on less than auspicious circumstances. Visions swirled in her mind of Ron and Harry, his face swollen with pustules, being dragged out of sight, Lucius sneering, Fenrir menacing, Bellatrix coming at her with anger-filled eyes and disgust on her face. She dropped to her knees and rested one hand on the floor where she had been tortured, the other placed over her mouth to seal in her shuddering breaths. She could still hear her own screams in the night.
She was lost in remembered pain and terror when gentle hands cupped either side of her face. Velvety thumbs wiped up her leaking tears.
"Granger, it doesn't have to be like this."
With the slightest touch, her nightmares swirled away in the maelstrom of electricity that passed between them. Lightening erupted up and down her spine and all of her tingled. It was like Muggle fireworks, each shift of his lips producing oohs and ahhs tumbling through her, one breathtaking moment after another. Simply amazing.
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