I’m too lost in you
Title: I’m too lost in you
Author: love_eachother
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1035
Notes/Warning: A little angsty, not very well explained. Leaves a lot to the imagination.
He hates the way she’s unreadable.
White teeth bite down on the full bottom lip that had driven him crazy for seven long years, and he muses for a moment on the fact she’s never looked so vulnerable. Even that day so long ago when she was tortured, and her screams still pierced his heart and soul and mind every single time he closed his eyes, there had been flashes of resistance in the dark pools of her irises. Resistance and promises of revenge, and he thinks it was at that moment he was able to admit to himself that he had to have her, to keep her protected. He knew, though, that it would always be the other way around. That it would be her protecting him.
A warm, trembling hand tracing the line of his jaw and the way she was biting her lip were the only clues as to what it was she was thinking, and he couldn’t help but look away from the enigmatic expression on her face. It was all too much for him to bear. A shaky breath was drawn in and he had to look up again, silent questions spilling out of his mouth like air. He didn’t speak, didn’t want to risk the alluring ambiguity of their actions with exposition or clarification. Her warm mouth was on his before he could think any more of the past and suddenly the world was black and the stars had been extinguished. It didn’t matter that they were inside and it was midday; the muggle song she listened to over and over was running through his head now and he wondered what is was he ever did before her mouth was on his.
If you’ll be my star, I’ll be your sky
You can hide underneath me and come out at night.
When I turn jet black, you show off your light
I live to let you shine.
She loves that he asks if she’s okay.
That was the part of him, she realises as their mouths meet again and again, that she loved so much; his secret anxiety for her when anything that could possibly be dangerous or frightening reared its head. She thinks it is all a part of the hero complex he was brought up to adopt; when it came to flight or fight it always had to be fight; the way he wanted to protect her from every monster hiding under her bed, in her dreams. She knew that it was the other way around. That she was the one protecting him, from every nightmare, every monster garbed in black robes and sardonic masks, posing as friends and family and loved ones. She never mentions it, though she knows he knows it too.
They were made to fit together. She can see that now. Her hand fits into his, and she trembles, hoping that he won’t notice. She knows that he does, and when his mouth reaches hers it takes everything she has not to turn and run. Because she’s never been so vulnerable, never been so frightened of another person in her life. It was a different kind of fear to the one she had gotten used to all those years ago, and she wondered what it was about him that made her so nervous. When he asks her, though, she’ll lie, and he’ll accept the deception, because he knows what it is like to be afraid and ashamed. His grey eyes darken as the light around them fades, and it still doesn’t matter that it’s midday, because all they need is each other. Suddenly she’s lying back and her breathing seems to have stopped, her entire body shaking, and he’s now so close she can hear his heart beat.
Are you nervous?
No.
You’re trembling.
Don’t worry; I’ll be all right.
He’s sure she can hear his heart beating now, and he’s surprised that it can still do that.
He’s concerned and she’s desired and he wonders again what it is about him that draws her to him, time and time again, like a moth to a candle, a blind man to a loud noise, like a flower in the desert starved of rain. She wonders the same thing, because what is it about her he could possibly see that nobody else ever could. A traditional reading would say they were each looking for the redemption of their sins, a quick, easy and painless way for one to apologise to the other. What they had to confess escaped them every time, because the lines of blame had become as blurry as a winter’s day, when the rain fell in sheets, tuning out the world. He didn’t know what it was she had done to have to ask for forgiveness, and she had never wanted him to ask. There had never been anything to forgive.
Chests rise and fall with each breath, and now as she listens to his heart beating she wonders whether he had been just as afraid as she was. A part of her knows that he was, and he appreciates the fact that she’ll never mention it. It isn’t lying, it is saving face, and she can’t help but smile at the gentle kiss on her forehead as he drifts off to sleep. Propped up on an elbow she ponders at how vulnerable he looks in sleep, pale blonde hair strewn all over his face, the way his hands curls around her hip, as though even in the void of unconsciousness he has to be able to feel her near. He studies her from under half-closed lids as she watches him, and for a selfish moment he is glad that she’s afraid of being alone, because it meant that she’d always need him to protect her. They know that it’s the other way around, and he thinks that, perhaps, it was meant to be this way. He was made for her, and she was made to protect him.
Well you whispered to me
and I shiver inside
you undo me and move me
in ways undefined
and you're all I see
and you're all I need
I’m too lost in you