The Bracelet, Chapter 94/103
Title: The Bracelet
Author: AkashaTheKitty
Characters: Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy, Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Pansy Parkinson, Ron Weasley, Theodore Nott (whew)
Genres: Drama, Friendship, Hogwarts Years, Humor, Romance
Warnings: HBP Spoilers, although slightly incompatible.
Overall Rating: R
Summary: When Hermione Granger loses a bet she was sure she'd win to Draco Malfoy, it's the beginning of her own personal hell. And his.
Go here if you didn't read previous chapters.
"God, I hate you," Blaise exclaimed.
Draco did a semi-amused double-take. "I thought you wanted me to do something about things?"
"I did! I do! But couldn't you have had this epiphany yesterday or waited till after my pitch?" Blaise plonked down in a plush armchair. "All that energy, just wasted."
"Sorry?" Draco wrinkled his nose, trying to figure out the appropriate response to being scolded for coming to the exact conclusion Blaise had wanted him to come to.
Blaise sighed dramatically. "It's fine. So, why did you change your mind?"
"I want her. I can't stand the thought of us all just leaving this place to go our separate ways without at least trying to get her to see things my way. I really have nothing to lose."
"You've known that all along!"
"Yeah, I know that I've known, but it only just hit me, you know? And I think I may have a chance if I do it right." Draco hoped his explanation wasn't too hard to follow. How did you properly explain that you'd known something for a long time but hadn't truly realized what it meant? It was like knowing that someday you were going to die and then realizing that someday you were going to die. It made all the difference in the world.
Blaise didn't look like he really understood. "Ok… and how do you do it right?"
"I don't know yet," Draco murmured. "There has to be a way."
Blaise did a hand wave. "Just tell her you're in love with her."
"No, that won't work. I've done that before. She'll think I'm lying or fooling myself or something."
"Give her a present?"
"Done that. She left it in my room. Besides, she's not going to be won over with things." No, that wasn't Hermione's style. Other girls might be bought with pretty trinkets or useless copied poems, but she wouldn't trust any such gesture from him and she certainly wasn't one to care about whether he was rich.
Which was fortunate, considering that with her, he wouldn't be.
"Propose to her?" Blaise suggested, looking like he actually meant it. "Nothing says 'I love you' like that."
Draco recoiled. "No! God, no!"
"You're going to have to marry her eventually if you want children."
"Eventually being the key word here. I'm sure she'd want to wait years with that, so let's jump that bridge when we get there."
Blaise gave him a really strange look.
Draco scowled rather ineffectually. It couldn't be helped; he really wasn't about to talk marriage just yet. He was seventeen, for crying out loud! "Let's focus for a second here. What would make her even consider being with me?"
"I don't know. The Imperius Curse?" Blaise said, smirking and leaning back.
"Thanks. That's encouraging." Draco ran his hands through his hair. Maybe it was true, though. Maybe he was kidding himself. Maybe he'd put too much stock in the fact that she'd forced Potter to apologize.
Maybe he should just spare himself the pain and learn to walk away.
"Sorry," Blaise muttered. "Too soon, I guess. I do think you have a chance, but if you're serious, you need to prove that you're serious."
"Yes, that's the point! But how?"
"You're really sure you don't want to propose?"
"Yes, I am very sure about that! I'd want to see if we could even get along first. Besides, she'd say no. She's way too smart to jump headfirst into something that permanent with some git she may or may not fancy. And for the record, I think you're way too obsessed with matrimony."
Blaise shrugged and looked at some point in front of him. "I just never thought I would marry. Certainly not that I'd want it. But since I met Tracey, I can't stop thinking about how perfect my life would be if she would just stay with me. Forever."
"That's good, mate. For you." Draco had no intention of making that kind of fool of himself. Also, had he mentioned yet that he was only seventeen? While he didn't exactly want to be with any other witch, he didn't want that kind of commitment yet, either. What was more, he couldn't imagine that Hermione would want that. She would want to establish her independence before she tied herself to anybody, and then she would spend every day the rest of her life asserting that independence.
He had a weakness for witches that could hold their own.
Granted, mostly, he had a weakness for Hermione Granger.
"Come on, Draco. There has to be something that you know will prove to her that you aren't lying."
"The more I think about it, the less I see how I can convince her that I'm not just out to use and ridicule her." Draco's lips tightened. There had to be a way. There had to.
"Just ask her out?" Blaise bluntly suggested.
Draco blinked. "What?"
"Ask her out!"
"How's that going to help?"
Blaise leaned forward, looking eager about sharing his Master Plan. "It shows that you want to go public with her. I know that there aren't many places to go before we leave here, but sit next to her in class, sit together at meals, study together after class, visit each other's rooms… that sort of thing."
"What, are you insane?" Draco frowned with disapproval and shook his head. This would be one sure way to ruin any chance he might have. "She's just going to believe I want to humiliate her publicly like when she was wearing the bracelet."
"I told you to go easier on her then," Blaise muttered.
"I know!" Draco kicked the table, making a spectacular noise as his foot connected with the wood and sent it sliding. "Don't you think I regret that? Don't you think I've suffered for it? Don't you think that I wish I'd been nicer to her so she wouldn't get that look in her eyes whenever I'm around, like she's afraid of what I'm going to do to her next?"
Blaise sat up straighter and eyed the table as if Draco had never kicked the damn thing in a fit of temper before. "Hey, I didn't mean it like that!"
"I know," Draco muttered, burying his hands in his hair again. He really needed to get it cut. "I'm just… frustrated. I know I fucked it all up but I don't know how to fix it. I'm afraid that if I do the wrong thing I'll lose any chance I had with her forever. It's… stressful."
"Just tell her that," Blaise softly said. "Tell her everything."
Draco adamantly shook his head. "No! She fears that I'm out for the ultimate way to hurt her. I'm fairly sure that means she's afraid I'm going to try and make her fall in love with me so I can break her heart. Saying things like this… she would think the worst."
"That's messed up," Blaise muttered, sinking back in his chair with a thoughtful look.
"I know…."
"That negates almost everything you could do."
"I know! It's hopeless, isn't it?" Draco swallowed. He had to do something, but he just couldn't risk pushing her away again. Why was it so hard to be him?
Blaise was quiet for a while, which Draco took to mean that he agreed, but then Blaise suddenly frowned and said, "Maybe not."
"What do you mean?"
"Well… if you were to tell your mother about the two of you… that would mean you were serious, wouldn't it? Even Granger would have to recognize that."
Draco stared at Blaise. The thought hadn't even occurred to him. Someday, sure, but now? Yeah, why not. Hermione knew how protective he was of his mother. She knew he wouldn't lie to his mother just for some petty school vengeance.
Maybe it wasn't exactly brilliant, but it was by far the best suggestion yet.
"I'll do better than that," he hoarsely said. "I'll get Mother's blessing."
If that didn't do it, then truly nothing would.
It was a rather peaceful day, Hermione decided. Today, nothing had upset her. That was the mark of a good day. She was sitting on the common room sofa next to Ron and it was nice. Harry was sitting in an armchair, frowning on and off as if his thoughts were far, far away and Ginny sat on the floor, leaning against his legs while appearing to be doodling and reading a book.
"Malfoy doesn't really think I'm gay, does he?" Harry suddenly asked, breaking the companionable silence they'd had while-supposedly-studying.
"What?" Hermione asked with a small laugh she was unable to keep in before she coughed. "What would give you that idea?" Too late, she realized she didn't want to hear the answer. It had been days since anyone had even mentioned Draco and that was probably a big part of why this had been such a good day until now.
"I'll snog you in front of him if that'll help," Ginny said without looking up from her book as she turned another page.
"Thanks," Harry muttered. "It's just… I don't know… he always makes these jabs at me."
"Why do you care what Malfoy's saying?" Hermione asked curiously, unable to stop herself.
"Yeah, Harry. Is there something you're not telling us?" Ron barely had time to deliver his line before he had to duck from the quill Harry sent his way.
"I can assure you, he's not gay," Ginny calmly said.
Ron straightened up. "What? How?"
"Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to." Ginny's lips quirked into a devious smile.
"That's it, Harry," Ron growled. "You're going to marry her-gay or not!"
"I am not gay!" Harry shouted.
There was a brief silence as everyone else in the common room stared at the group and then every member of that group save Harry burst into laughter.
"Well played, Ron!" Hermione said between giggles.
Ron grinned and draped his arm over her shoulder. "I know. It was so hard to keep a straight face."
"Really, Harry," Ginny said, shaking her head. "You're too easy. He's Malfoy. Just because he says something doesn't mean it's true. Also, you might try and work on that homophobia of yours."
"It makes this sudden insecurity of yours very interesting," Ron added.
"Now, now," Hermione chastised. "If you don't play nice, I have to bring up the thing Draco said with Harry going out with the wrong Weasley."
"Oh, he said that to you too, did he?" Harry muttered, looking less than pleased.
Ron frowned. "But Ginny's my only sister, so that's-oh." Ron was looking so disgusted that Hermione had to cough again not to laugh.
"Well, I amdefinitely seeing the right Weasley," Harry announced, "and I would appreciate it if you'd tell him that, Hermione."
Hermione looked up in surprise. "Why me?"
"Well, you're the one who talks to him, aren't you?" Harry muttered.
"No… I don't… we don't… talk." Hermione stared down into her book, trying to look unaffected. Way to kill her good spirits. It was fine, really. She was fine. Except when she wasn't. But that was only when she thought too much about it, so she tried to avoid thinking. No use feeling like… just no use feeling.
"Really?" Ginny asked, twisting around to look at Hermione. "Not even a little?"
"Well, I guess a very little bit," Hermione muttered. "If I run into him in the hall."
Except that the one time she had literally run into him in the hall a couple of days ago, he'd just said sorry, asked if she was all right, and been on his merry way to the Owlery with what must have been either a very important letter or a very convenient excuse not to make chit chat.
Avoiding him wasn't necessary anymore. He seemed so preoccupied he barely even noticed her.
It was good. It really was. There was no hostility, no real awkwardness, no misunderstandings, just… nothing. Nothing was good. Nothing was…. Oh, who was she kidding? Nothing was awful. It was as if nothing at all had happened between them and she really, really resented that. Also, she was losing track of her 'nothing's. But while she could-sort of-admit all of this to herself, there was no point in letting anyone else know.
Things were as they were and they were going to stay that way.
As one day followed another, Hermione began to truly feel how not fine she was with the state of things. This was exacerbated by how everyone else began accepting that it was all done and her games with Malfoy were over. It had just been one of those meaningless things before they left school….
No! It hadn't been! Not entirely, at least. The first time had been his first time ever, that had to mean something, didn't it? And the last time had been… it had been… well, it had been good, didn't that count?
She supposed not. She hardly knew what was going on in her own head. This should not be so difficult to get past.
But it was.
No matter how much she tried to rationalize, to chastise herself, to pretend it was all ok… it just wasn't. She wanted it to matter. And it drove her insane. It was too late for that now. She could make next time be with someone where it would matter, but she couldn't go back and change what had already happened!
It hadn't mattered to either of them at the time, so it didn't matter now. Full stop.
She saw Malfoy all the time and he didn't seem to be bothered in the least. In fact, he seemed to be rather cheerful. A few times he'd even smiled at her, but they never exchanged more than a couple of sentences at the most. He didn't even seem to want to. He seemed… busy.
Not that she was watching him.
He was often seen jotting down notes during meals while talking to-and laughing with-Zabini or even Parkinson. He didn't really seem to talk to Astoria Greengrass in any capacity that mattered, though, so it couldn't be… that… could it? Nah, if he were organizing some kind of union, the witch would probably want to take part in it.
In any case, he was moving on with his life.
So Hermione smiled and studied and socialized with her friends and pretended that she was all right.
What else could she do?
Author: AkashaTheKitty
Characters: Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy, Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Pansy Parkinson, Ron Weasley, Theodore Nott (whew)
Genres: Drama, Friendship, Hogwarts Years, Humor, Romance
Warnings: HBP Spoilers, although slightly incompatible.
Overall Rating: R
Summary: When Hermione Granger loses a bet she was sure she'd win to Draco Malfoy, it's the beginning of her own personal hell. And his.
Go here if you didn't read previous chapters.
"God, I hate you," Blaise exclaimed.
Draco did a semi-amused double-take. "I thought you wanted me to do something about things?"
"I did! I do! But couldn't you have had this epiphany yesterday or waited till after my pitch?" Blaise plonked down in a plush armchair. "All that energy, just wasted."
"Sorry?" Draco wrinkled his nose, trying to figure out the appropriate response to being scolded for coming to the exact conclusion Blaise had wanted him to come to.
Blaise sighed dramatically. "It's fine. So, why did you change your mind?"
"I want her. I can't stand the thought of us all just leaving this place to go our separate ways without at least trying to get her to see things my way. I really have nothing to lose."
"You've known that all along!"
"Yeah, I know that I've known, but it only just hit me, you know? And I think I may have a chance if I do it right." Draco hoped his explanation wasn't too hard to follow. How did you properly explain that you'd known something for a long time but hadn't truly realized what it meant? It was like knowing that someday you were going to die and then realizing that someday you were going to die. It made all the difference in the world.
Blaise didn't look like he really understood. "Ok… and how do you do it right?"
"I don't know yet," Draco murmured. "There has to be a way."
Blaise did a hand wave. "Just tell her you're in love with her."
"No, that won't work. I've done that before. She'll think I'm lying or fooling myself or something."
"Give her a present?"
"Done that. She left it in my room. Besides, she's not going to be won over with things." No, that wasn't Hermione's style. Other girls might be bought with pretty trinkets or useless copied poems, but she wouldn't trust any such gesture from him and she certainly wasn't one to care about whether he was rich.
Which was fortunate, considering that with her, he wouldn't be.
"Propose to her?" Blaise suggested, looking like he actually meant it. "Nothing says 'I love you' like that."
Draco recoiled. "No! God, no!"
"You're going to have to marry her eventually if you want children."
"Eventually being the key word here. I'm sure she'd want to wait years with that, so let's jump that bridge when we get there."
Blaise gave him a really strange look.
Draco scowled rather ineffectually. It couldn't be helped; he really wasn't about to talk marriage just yet. He was seventeen, for crying out loud! "Let's focus for a second here. What would make her even consider being with me?"
"I don't know. The Imperius Curse?" Blaise said, smirking and leaning back.
"Thanks. That's encouraging." Draco ran his hands through his hair. Maybe it was true, though. Maybe he was kidding himself. Maybe he'd put too much stock in the fact that she'd forced Potter to apologize.
Maybe he should just spare himself the pain and learn to walk away.
"Sorry," Blaise muttered. "Too soon, I guess. I do think you have a chance, but if you're serious, you need to prove that you're serious."
"Yes, that's the point! But how?"
"You're really sure you don't want to propose?"
"Yes, I am very sure about that! I'd want to see if we could even get along first. Besides, she'd say no. She's way too smart to jump headfirst into something that permanent with some git she may or may not fancy. And for the record, I think you're way too obsessed with matrimony."
Blaise shrugged and looked at some point in front of him. "I just never thought I would marry. Certainly not that I'd want it. But since I met Tracey, I can't stop thinking about how perfect my life would be if she would just stay with me. Forever."
"That's good, mate. For you." Draco had no intention of making that kind of fool of himself. Also, had he mentioned yet that he was only seventeen? While he didn't exactly want to be with any other witch, he didn't want that kind of commitment yet, either. What was more, he couldn't imagine that Hermione would want that. She would want to establish her independence before she tied herself to anybody, and then she would spend every day the rest of her life asserting that independence.
He had a weakness for witches that could hold their own.
Granted, mostly, he had a weakness for Hermione Granger.
"Come on, Draco. There has to be something that you know will prove to her that you aren't lying."
"The more I think about it, the less I see how I can convince her that I'm not just out to use and ridicule her." Draco's lips tightened. There had to be a way. There had to.
"Just ask her out?" Blaise bluntly suggested.
Draco blinked. "What?"
"Ask her out!"
"How's that going to help?"
Blaise leaned forward, looking eager about sharing his Master Plan. "It shows that you want to go public with her. I know that there aren't many places to go before we leave here, but sit next to her in class, sit together at meals, study together after class, visit each other's rooms… that sort of thing."
"What, are you insane?" Draco frowned with disapproval and shook his head. This would be one sure way to ruin any chance he might have. "She's just going to believe I want to humiliate her publicly like when she was wearing the bracelet."
"I told you to go easier on her then," Blaise muttered.
"I know!" Draco kicked the table, making a spectacular noise as his foot connected with the wood and sent it sliding. "Don't you think I regret that? Don't you think I've suffered for it? Don't you think that I wish I'd been nicer to her so she wouldn't get that look in her eyes whenever I'm around, like she's afraid of what I'm going to do to her next?"
Blaise sat up straighter and eyed the table as if Draco had never kicked the damn thing in a fit of temper before. "Hey, I didn't mean it like that!"
"I know," Draco muttered, burying his hands in his hair again. He really needed to get it cut. "I'm just… frustrated. I know I fucked it all up but I don't know how to fix it. I'm afraid that if I do the wrong thing I'll lose any chance I had with her forever. It's… stressful."
"Just tell her that," Blaise softly said. "Tell her everything."
Draco adamantly shook his head. "No! She fears that I'm out for the ultimate way to hurt her. I'm fairly sure that means she's afraid I'm going to try and make her fall in love with me so I can break her heart. Saying things like this… she would think the worst."
"That's messed up," Blaise muttered, sinking back in his chair with a thoughtful look.
"I know…."
"That negates almost everything you could do."
"I know! It's hopeless, isn't it?" Draco swallowed. He had to do something, but he just couldn't risk pushing her away again. Why was it so hard to be him?
Blaise was quiet for a while, which Draco took to mean that he agreed, but then Blaise suddenly frowned and said, "Maybe not."
"What do you mean?"
"Well… if you were to tell your mother about the two of you… that would mean you were serious, wouldn't it? Even Granger would have to recognize that."
Draco stared at Blaise. The thought hadn't even occurred to him. Someday, sure, but now? Yeah, why not. Hermione knew how protective he was of his mother. She knew he wouldn't lie to his mother just for some petty school vengeance.
Maybe it wasn't exactly brilliant, but it was by far the best suggestion yet.
"I'll do better than that," he hoarsely said. "I'll get Mother's blessing."
If that didn't do it, then truly nothing would.
It was a rather peaceful day, Hermione decided. Today, nothing had upset her. That was the mark of a good day. She was sitting on the common room sofa next to Ron and it was nice. Harry was sitting in an armchair, frowning on and off as if his thoughts were far, far away and Ginny sat on the floor, leaning against his legs while appearing to be doodling and reading a book.
"Malfoy doesn't really think I'm gay, does he?" Harry suddenly asked, breaking the companionable silence they'd had while-supposedly-studying.
"What?" Hermione asked with a small laugh she was unable to keep in before she coughed. "What would give you that idea?" Too late, she realized she didn't want to hear the answer. It had been days since anyone had even mentioned Draco and that was probably a big part of why this had been such a good day until now.
"I'll snog you in front of him if that'll help," Ginny said without looking up from her book as she turned another page.
"Thanks," Harry muttered. "It's just… I don't know… he always makes these jabs at me."
"Why do you care what Malfoy's saying?" Hermione asked curiously, unable to stop herself.
"Yeah, Harry. Is there something you're not telling us?" Ron barely had time to deliver his line before he had to duck from the quill Harry sent his way.
"I can assure you, he's not gay," Ginny calmly said.
Ron straightened up. "What? How?"
"Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to." Ginny's lips quirked into a devious smile.
"That's it, Harry," Ron growled. "You're going to marry her-gay or not!"
"I am not gay!" Harry shouted.
There was a brief silence as everyone else in the common room stared at the group and then every member of that group save Harry burst into laughter.
"Well played, Ron!" Hermione said between giggles.
Ron grinned and draped his arm over her shoulder. "I know. It was so hard to keep a straight face."
"Really, Harry," Ginny said, shaking her head. "You're too easy. He's Malfoy. Just because he says something doesn't mean it's true. Also, you might try and work on that homophobia of yours."
"It makes this sudden insecurity of yours very interesting," Ron added.
"Now, now," Hermione chastised. "If you don't play nice, I have to bring up the thing Draco said with Harry going out with the wrong Weasley."
"Oh, he said that to you too, did he?" Harry muttered, looking less than pleased.
Ron frowned. "But Ginny's my only sister, so that's-oh." Ron was looking so disgusted that Hermione had to cough again not to laugh.
"Well, I amdefinitely seeing the right Weasley," Harry announced, "and I would appreciate it if you'd tell him that, Hermione."
Hermione looked up in surprise. "Why me?"
"Well, you're the one who talks to him, aren't you?" Harry muttered.
"No… I don't… we don't… talk." Hermione stared down into her book, trying to look unaffected. Way to kill her good spirits. It was fine, really. She was fine. Except when she wasn't. But that was only when she thought too much about it, so she tried to avoid thinking. No use feeling like… just no use feeling.
"Really?" Ginny asked, twisting around to look at Hermione. "Not even a little?"
"Well, I guess a very little bit," Hermione muttered. "If I run into him in the hall."
Except that the one time she had literally run into him in the hall a couple of days ago, he'd just said sorry, asked if she was all right, and been on his merry way to the Owlery with what must have been either a very important letter or a very convenient excuse not to make chit chat.
Avoiding him wasn't necessary anymore. He seemed so preoccupied he barely even noticed her.
It was good. It really was. There was no hostility, no real awkwardness, no misunderstandings, just… nothing. Nothing was good. Nothing was…. Oh, who was she kidding? Nothing was awful. It was as if nothing at all had happened between them and she really, really resented that. Also, she was losing track of her 'nothing's. But while she could-sort of-admit all of this to herself, there was no point in letting anyone else know.
Things were as they were and they were going to stay that way.
As one day followed another, Hermione began to truly feel how not fine she was with the state of things. This was exacerbated by how everyone else began accepting that it was all done and her games with Malfoy were over. It had just been one of those meaningless things before they left school….
No! It hadn't been! Not entirely, at least. The first time had been his first time ever, that had to mean something, didn't it? And the last time had been… it had been… well, it had been good, didn't that count?
She supposed not. She hardly knew what was going on in her own head. This should not be so difficult to get past.
But it was.
No matter how much she tried to rationalize, to chastise herself, to pretend it was all ok… it just wasn't. She wanted it to matter. And it drove her insane. It was too late for that now. She could make next time be with someone where it would matter, but she couldn't go back and change what had already happened!
It hadn't mattered to either of them at the time, so it didn't matter now. Full stop.
She saw Malfoy all the time and he didn't seem to be bothered in the least. In fact, he seemed to be rather cheerful. A few times he'd even smiled at her, but they never exchanged more than a couple of sentences at the most. He didn't even seem to want to. He seemed… busy.
Not that she was watching him.
He was often seen jotting down notes during meals while talking to-and laughing with-Zabini or even Parkinson. He didn't really seem to talk to Astoria Greengrass in any capacity that mattered, though, so it couldn't be… that… could it? Nah, if he were organizing some kind of union, the witch would probably want to take part in it.
In any case, he was moving on with his life.
So Hermione smiled and studied and socialized with her friends and pretended that she was all right.
What else could she do?