FIC: What's the point of being Popular (if you can't do what you want?), 3/??
Title: What’s the Point of being Popular (if you can’t do what you want?) (2/??)
Pairing,Character(s): Sam/Puck (getting there)
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter)
Spoilers: Follows on from the end of Season Two, after the summer
Summary: The school year gets started and Sam is going quietly insane. Find Chapter 1 Here and Chapter 2 Over Here
a/n: Every piece of feedback is really greatly appreciated, so thanks so much to people who have commented so far!
----
Chapter Three
Sam took a long look at Puck, and Puck could see him teetering on the edge of fessing up. Sam lowered his head into his hands and gripped his hair, and Puck felt... powerless. Powerless to help, to understand what was going on.
“This has been the hardest day, I think ever. For my whole life, today’s been the hardest.” Sam was talking into his hands but Puck could make him out pretty clearly; all the same he shuffled over to close some of the gap between them. “I’ve started at a couple of new schools, been dumped by Quinn, been dumped by everyone... and today is still the hardest fucking day of my life.” Sam raked his fingers through his hair and sat up to look at Puck, and Puck felt his stomach twist; Sam looked so lost and vulnerable.
“Dude, Sam, whatever it is, you can tell me. I can help you if you tell me what’s going on.” Puck looked quickly between Sam’s hands and his face. He was worried, not just about Sam but about crossing any bro-line; he wasn’t sure what the rules were in a situation like this. He’d never had to comfort a friend who looked like he might cry before. Shit, Puck thought... what does that say about me??. Puck wanted to reach out and break the touch barrier, but he knew he should keep his hands to himself.
Sam pushed his hands through his hair again, clearing it away from his face. He wasn’t crying, but he was sniffling a little. Sam looked intently at Puck.
“I came out to my parents last night, Puck.”
The statement hung between them for a split second and Puck felt like the ground had been ripped out from under him. Sam was still watching him like his whole life depended on how Puck reacted to what he’d said, but Puck could only feel shock. He’d thought the whole “Evans is Gay” thing was a part of the new-kid treatment when Sam was settling in, and now...
“Oh-kayyy...so...how did they...?” Puck felt embarrassed. This was internal family stuff, he wasn’t used to talking about super private stuff with other guys. Sure, he kept the ability to open up about his feelings in his back-pocket if a girl wanted to go there before she’d go home with him... but for Sam this was an actual serious deal. He did his best to wrench himself back to the moment and pay attention.
“They didn’t... I don’t know. I don’t know how they took it, I’m gonna find out when I get home. They wanted to talk it over together first.”
Puck blinked. Sam’s intent expression had given way to insecurity once Puck had skipped on the opportunity to turn Evans into a punching bag. In a rare moment of clarity, Puck realized that this whole conversation... this was one of those moments where your first reaction was the only one you got. It was a test.
Puck made an effort to grab Sam’s eye contact. He had to reach out and physically drag Sam’s face up so it was level with his. He noticed how smooth Sam’s skin was, but he pushed the observation aside roughly. He really wanted to clarify what Sam was saying (like...gay? bi? Came out HOW exactly?), but he sort of figured just how big a deal it was that Sam was actually telling him this. He had to make sure that Sam didn’t doubt him for a second.
“Sam, I don’t care if you’re straight, gay, or like... transform into a Na’vi during the full moon.” Gotta cover all the bases, just in case... “We haven’t spent that much time getting to know each other, and man, this is... intense for me, yeah, but glee club is like... a thing. Glee club has been there for me when no one else has. So... you’re family”. Puck felt himself give an involuntary little shrug. He didn’t really talk about feelings. He hoped Sam would pick up the idea that Puck wouldn’t throw him over just because he was into whatever.
Sam was looking at him. Had Puck read the whole thing wrong? Was that like, way too corny? Fuck it, he’d suspended his bro rules for this guy, if Sam was gonna throw it back in his face, then...
“Thanks, Puck,” Sam put his head back in his hands. He looked defeated. “That... I don’t know, that means something, obviously... no one really knows, I mean, except Mercedes and my parents and... I thought you’d hit me or have a go at throwing me in the dumpster or... but when you asked, I couldn’t hold it in, I’ve been wanting to tell someone for a few weeks. I feel like I’ve been going crazy...” Sam trailed off and Puck patted his back awkwardly.
“Dude, it sounds like your parents were a little shocked. Like, I don’t know what might be going through their heads now, but maybe they weren’t expecting it. No offense, but you sure don’t seem gay...” Puck actually had no idea how Sam’s parents had reacted, he’d never even met them, but for Sam to be this stressed out Puck knew they couldn’t have been all that supportive. He was willing to give them an out, because, hell, he’d been pretty surprised and he and Sam had spent more time together in home room that week than ever before. Outside rehersals and practises, anyway. Whatever, Puck tried to concentrate on being reassuring.
“I guess you’re gonna need to talk this stuff through with them if they don’t get it, so that’ll suck for you...” Puck didn’t realise he was so good at this friendly comfort thing, it was just coming to him. “I dunno Sam, I think we gotta get you home so you can avoid letting this drive you totally off edge. I have to tell you, today you were looking pretty frayed.” Sam cracked a smile at that and sniffed again. He steeled himself for a second, his hands drew into fists, and he stood up. Puck followed suit.
“I’ll drive you back there-” Sam started to protest but Puck just kept talking over him “-It’s probably gonna be pretty ... like, personal, so I’ll wait outside just in case, but no way in hell am I just goin’ home. We can hit up the arcade after actually, like, a cool-down thing.”
Now that he thought about it, Puck couldn’t believe he and Sam hadn’t hit the arcade before - it had never occurred to him. Sam was such a dork he’d probably ace all of the ticket machines. They could be like, an arcade dream-team; Sam could win the games and Puck could contribute the Rep to make it awesome instead of the total nerd-fest it would be if anyone else tried it. Besides, Puck felt insanely excited to hang out with Sam outside their usual obligatory activities. He figured he was starved of cool bro-company, and Finn kind of wore him down pretty quickly. They hadn’t been clicking recently.
“Puck, you don’t have to do all that... I mean I don’t want like... pity, or whatever- I’m good to look after mysel-”
Puck just interrupted the guy with a wave and started to walk, so Sam had to trot along after him.
“So... am I allowed to ask, you know, now that we’ve established the whole ‘even if you turn into an avatar at the full moon’ thing... you’re saying, like...gay?” Jesus, Puck felt insensitive saying it out loud. He tried to think of what PC term Kurt might demand...non-heteronormative? homosclusive? anti-femalist? Puck just shook himself off. Even thinking such big, weird, multi-syllabic words make him feel a strong urge to run laps of the football field.
“Yeah I’m pretty sure. Like I was pretty weirded out at first, and it’s only in the last few weeks that I’ve been really thinking about it a lot... but now I just want to get it off my chest. I want to get it out of my head so I can keep living.” Sam stuck his hands in his pockets, and seemed to have an afterthought. “Dude! Avatar? I didn’t know you’d even seen it!” Sam grinned across at Puck, looking at him through his bangs. After walking together a little longer he added, “Thanks, Puck. It shows how hard you’re working that you were willing to make a reference like that.” Sam surriptiously ran his sleeve over his face.
“It’s not work dude, and the movie was actually pretty rockin’. Arrows tipped with neuro-toxin on a planet where everything trys to kill you if you’re not like, luminescent? Badass.” Puck couldn’t help punching the air in front of him a little. He felt the point should be underlined.
Sam laughed and cracked a smile at him. Puck quietly made a mental note to rent Avatar over the weekend - he’d seen it with Santana at the theatre, ipso facto, after the first five minutes the whole thing was pretty much a blur of lips and heat.
Puck grinned. Fuck yeh he thought to himself; Puckasaurus: two, Universe: zero. He figured he deserved the extra point for working a bit of russian (or latin, or whatever ‘ipso facto’ actually was) into his mental commentary.
#
The car ride was quiet - Puck’s truck kept revving as he took side-long glances to see how Sam was doing. Puck wanted to reach over and pat him on the shoulder, but he didn’t want to crowd the guy. He could see that Sam was working hard to keep himself calm - his hands were fidgety and he was looking pretty intently at the passing scenery. He’d gotten really quiet as soon as they’d pulled off school grounds.
It only took about five minutes to get down into the motel carpark - Puck figured Sam’s folks had chosen the motel because it would be close enough to school for Sam to jog it every day. As far as Puck knew the Evans’ had sold their car over the summer.
All the noise died as Puck shut off the car, and Sam nervously looked up at him. Puck gave his shoulder a light punch. It was partly an excuse to touch him without breaking the no-touching-that-isn’t-fighting rule.
“It’s all good Sam, things are gonna be just fine once you talk stuff out with them,” Sam nodded a little, looking like he was kinda on autopilot. When he made no move towards getting out of the car Puck got an idea. “Pass me your phone,” - Sam handed it over. It was a cheap flippy phone just like Pucks, so he was able to make it work without too much trouble. He went to the SMS menu and set up a message to himself.
More gently than he knew he could be, Puck reached out and took Sams hand, sliding his phone into it and lightly placing Sam’s thumb on the send button. Puck couldn’t help but notice how smooth and strong Sam’s hands were.
“Dude, if anything happens, squeeze on this. I’m not leaving, I’ll come running; promise.” Puck smiled at Sam, who nodded and pushed against the door, getting out.
He turned back and looked at Puck before he shut the cab door. He looked pale.
“Thanks Puck, for being here- I don’t think anyone else even noticed that something was going on.”
Puck shrugged at him with a grin.
“The Puckasaurus never misses a beat, man”.
With that, Sam gave him a weak chuckle, pushed on the door so it swung shut and walked up towards his family’s room.
Puck watched Sam go for a second before undoing his seatbelt and taking his phone out - just in case. He pulled up his own SMS menu, and saw his most recent one - from Quinn, over a week ago.
“Fuck.”
Puck hadn’t realized just how much of a loner he’d been this week - he hadn’t texted anyone at all. If Santana hadn’t been preoccupied with Britt this couldn’t have happened.
Thinking of Quinn, Puck pushed his hand through his hair. He could still style it into a hawk but it was longer than he’d let it get in a couple of years - ever since he’d realized that, in high school, image is everything.
He missed Quinn. Remembering being with her on friday night... it had felt different. He thought she’d enjoyed dinner with him, she’d laughed at some of his stories and talked a little about what had been on her mind... but they were in public, so Puck hadn’t pressed it.
It was later, when Puck walked her back to her door, when things had gotten a little weird. He’d been planning on being the gentleman, maybe kissing her cheek - he remembered how soft Quinns skin was; nothing like Sams...
Quinn has asked him to come up to her room so they could talk more, and it had seemed pretty innocent, so he hadn’t thought twice... she’d told him to sit on the bed. Than.. she didn’t start talking. She started undressing.
Puck felt a little sick at the memory. The way she’d watched him as her skirt slipped to the floor. Had he used her, by saying yes? He shook himself. All he knew was that he had said yes, and it wasn’t like any time he’d made love before, there were so many feelings and he was really upset, and he could tell she was too because she was crying, but neither of them wanted to stop and she had pushed the rubber out of his hand, whispering that she’d been on the pill. She’d said she wanted to be able to really feel him (or feel something? he couldn’t remember what word she’d used, and suddenly it seemed important...).
Puck had felt like they were healing a little or something, but after it was over Quinn had snapped. He’d never seen her get angry so quickly. He had no idea what had happened, he’d thought he’d done everything he could to look after her.
She’d kicked him out pretty much immediately. Screamed at him to ‘just get out!’, and she was crying again and when Puck had tried to get closer she’d flinched as though she was afraid of him, and Puck had left. He’d felt like just being there, he’d been causing her so much pain.
And she still had his sneakers. He hoped she hadn’t thrown them away.
Puck jumped a little as his phone buzzed in his hands, he almost dropped it before he snapped back to the present and he was out the truck door in less than a second. He didn’t stop to close it as he sprinted up toward the motel, half his mind wishing he’d parked much closer and the other half being filled with horrific pictures of... Sam’s face connecting with someone’s fist... Sam being in trouble. Maybe crying. Puck didn’t think he’d cope if Sam started crying, the dude was normally so happy and together, and fuck it, Puck had taken it on himself to look after the guy and then he’d been a coward and chickened out and let Sam go into that place all alone. Puck felt momentarily disgusted with himself. He fucked everything up. He got to the door and shoved self-pity aside, making a fist so he’d be ready whatever happened. The door was still wide open so he vaulted inside and had to backpedal to stop from colliding with anything, and he jerked his head around.
Sam was sitting on the floor, back to the wall, just inside the door. His phone was clenched tightly in his hands. His eyes flicked up at Puck, then slid off him as he just looked into blank space, hitting his head against the wall with a thud.
Puck whirled around. Sam was the only one there. The room was bare.
#
As Sam made his way up to the motel from Puck’s truck, he thought back to the night before. He’d played his guitar softly for his brother and sister until they drifted off to sleep, and just played to himself until his parents had gotten back from whatever career seminar they had wrangled invitations to.
He’d been quietly freaking out most of the afternoon, because he’d sortof come to the decision to do it. To tell them, his parents at least... he couldn’t move on till he did something.
When they’d arrived back and his dad had walked in Sam didn’t let himself chicken out.
“Let me talk to you guys outside for a second?” His dad had looked at him tiredly before he blinked and nodded. His mom was having a smoke on the deck; Sam hated that she was smoking but it was partly because she was so stressed. She looked up at them as they came outside.
“Sam wants to talk to us about something.” His dad sat on the bench next to his wife and went to rub her shoulders. She looked irritated and twitched away.
“Sam, it’s been a long day... do you think whatever it is could wait?” She flicked her cirarette so that ash fell to the ground.
“Um, no, not really.” He doesn’t know why it’s suddenly so important to tell them now, like maybe if he lets himself off, he’ll just never go through with it.
His mom starts to get up, saying something about checking on the kids first. Sam panicked.
“I’m gay.” Shit, had he really said it?
Sam’s heart was pounding out of his chest.
His parents froze.
His mom stares at him for a second before bustling up again. “Sam, enough, now is hardly the time for something silly like that.” She started moving inside again. She wouldn’t look at him.
Sam rounded on her.
“It’s not silly! I’ve been working up the nerve to tell you guys for awhile.” Sam was freaking out a little and he felt indignant.
His dad furrowed his brow, looking up at him from his perch on the bench.
“Sam, this has been going through your head for awhile?”
“I just wanted you guys to know-“ Sam felt some of the walls inside him crumbling. He was so relieved to finally be having the conversation.
He was on the verge of spilling his guts about all the confused feelings he’d been having, but his mom beat him to the curb.
“This is ridiculous, Sam - we certainly have enough problems to deal with right now. Have you even thought about how this idea of yours will affect your brother and sister?”
Sam backpedals now. What?
His mom crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked distinctly irritated. “Sam, you can’t expect to throw something like this at us, out of the blue. Your father and I can’t very well have you sleeping across the room from Stacey and your brother-“ Now it’s Sam’s turn to interrupt, because this is not how he’d thought this would go at all, and he’d clicked to what his mom was getting at.
“What, like I’m sick? Like I’m contagious?” He felt all the nervous energy he’d been feeling bubbling up in him, he couldn’t help raising his voice.
“Sam! Don’t cause a scene.” She was scolding him like he was ten again, but she kept her voice hushed.
“Sam,” His dad cut in with a much gentler tone. “This is very suprising for us, and I can see how confused you are. Your mother has been so stressed, please try to remember how hard everything has been on her.” He stood and put his hand lightly on Sam’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go inside to sleep, try and get some rest. Your mother and I will talk about what you’ve told us.”
Sam felt like he was being dismissed, but his dad’s soft voice made all the anger go out of him and he just felt lost again. Telling them had just made things worse - they thought he’d be bad for his brother and sister? They thought he was confused - and yeh, he was, but they were supposed to help him with it!
Sam turned in and roughly pulled himself into his sleeping bag and pretended to sleep. He wanted to try and hear what his parents were saying, but his mother reached in and closed the door, and Sam felt his frustration slowly blend into a very disturbed sleep.
All the memories ran through Sams head as he dug for his key. He didn’t know what his parents would say, he hadn’t had a chance to talk to either of them that morning - his mother had left early for the bank, leaving a note to ask him to tidy up his things before school, and his dad was still asleep. He’d been dreading getting back all day.
He had to jiggle the key in the lock a bit. His was the spare so it didn’t fit very well. He felt the tumblers move into place and he shouldered the door open, expecting his siblings to be home from daycare by now, but the room was silent. He turned and looked- for a second he thought he’d forced his way into the wrong room.
The bed was shoddily made and the blinds were drawn and there was nothing there that should have been. His family usually had a stack of boxes of clothes in the back, and they were gone... everything was gone. The room was empty.
Sam spotted a note on the bed and he snatched it up. His parent’s room key was taped to it.
‘The room is paid until 8pm. Please be sure to pass in the keys before you leave.‘
It was in his mothers precise handwriting. Sam felt himself stumble backwards into the wall. He barely noticed as the note dropped from his hand and he slid down till he sat on the floor. His mind was reeling, he couldn’t think. He realized his hand hurt and he glanced down; he saw he was squeezing his phone tightly; his knuckles were white and shaking. He’d been clutching it like a freakin lifeline since Puck placed it in his hand.
What the hell was he going to do?
Pairing,Character(s): Sam/Puck (getting there)
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter)
Spoilers: Follows on from the end of Season Two, after the summer
Summary: The school year gets started and Sam is going quietly insane. Find Chapter 1 Here and Chapter 2 Over Here
a/n: Every piece of feedback is really greatly appreciated, so thanks so much to people who have commented so far!
----
Chapter Three
Sam took a long look at Puck, and Puck could see him teetering on the edge of fessing up. Sam lowered his head into his hands and gripped his hair, and Puck felt... powerless. Powerless to help, to understand what was going on.
“This has been the hardest day, I think ever. For my whole life, today’s been the hardest.” Sam was talking into his hands but Puck could make him out pretty clearly; all the same he shuffled over to close some of the gap between them. “I’ve started at a couple of new schools, been dumped by Quinn, been dumped by everyone... and today is still the hardest fucking day of my life.” Sam raked his fingers through his hair and sat up to look at Puck, and Puck felt his stomach twist; Sam looked so lost and vulnerable.
“Dude, Sam, whatever it is, you can tell me. I can help you if you tell me what’s going on.” Puck looked quickly between Sam’s hands and his face. He was worried, not just about Sam but about crossing any bro-line; he wasn’t sure what the rules were in a situation like this. He’d never had to comfort a friend who looked like he might cry before. Shit, Puck thought... what does that say about me??. Puck wanted to reach out and break the touch barrier, but he knew he should keep his hands to himself.
Sam pushed his hands through his hair again, clearing it away from his face. He wasn’t crying, but he was sniffling a little. Sam looked intently at Puck.
“I came out to my parents last night, Puck.”
The statement hung between them for a split second and Puck felt like the ground had been ripped out from under him. Sam was still watching him like his whole life depended on how Puck reacted to what he’d said, but Puck could only feel shock. He’d thought the whole “Evans is Gay” thing was a part of the new-kid treatment when Sam was settling in, and now...
“Oh-kayyy...so...how did they...?” Puck felt embarrassed. This was internal family stuff, he wasn’t used to talking about super private stuff with other guys. Sure, he kept the ability to open up about his feelings in his back-pocket if a girl wanted to go there before she’d go home with him... but for Sam this was an actual serious deal. He did his best to wrench himself back to the moment and pay attention.
“They didn’t... I don’t know. I don’t know how they took it, I’m gonna find out when I get home. They wanted to talk it over together first.”
Puck blinked. Sam’s intent expression had given way to insecurity once Puck had skipped on the opportunity to turn Evans into a punching bag. In a rare moment of clarity, Puck realized that this whole conversation... this was one of those moments where your first reaction was the only one you got. It was a test.
Puck made an effort to grab Sam’s eye contact. He had to reach out and physically drag Sam’s face up so it was level with his. He noticed how smooth Sam’s skin was, but he pushed the observation aside roughly. He really wanted to clarify what Sam was saying (like...gay? bi? Came out HOW exactly?), but he sort of figured just how big a deal it was that Sam was actually telling him this. He had to make sure that Sam didn’t doubt him for a second.
“Sam, I don’t care if you’re straight, gay, or like... transform into a Na’vi during the full moon.” Gotta cover all the bases, just in case... “We haven’t spent that much time getting to know each other, and man, this is... intense for me, yeah, but glee club is like... a thing. Glee club has been there for me when no one else has. So... you’re family”. Puck felt himself give an involuntary little shrug. He didn’t really talk about feelings. He hoped Sam would pick up the idea that Puck wouldn’t throw him over just because he was into whatever.
Sam was looking at him. Had Puck read the whole thing wrong? Was that like, way too corny? Fuck it, he’d suspended his bro rules for this guy, if Sam was gonna throw it back in his face, then...
“Thanks, Puck,” Sam put his head back in his hands. He looked defeated. “That... I don’t know, that means something, obviously... no one really knows, I mean, except Mercedes and my parents and... I thought you’d hit me or have a go at throwing me in the dumpster or... but when you asked, I couldn’t hold it in, I’ve been wanting to tell someone for a few weeks. I feel like I’ve been going crazy...” Sam trailed off and Puck patted his back awkwardly.
“Dude, it sounds like your parents were a little shocked. Like, I don’t know what might be going through their heads now, but maybe they weren’t expecting it. No offense, but you sure don’t seem gay...” Puck actually had no idea how Sam’s parents had reacted, he’d never even met them, but for Sam to be this stressed out Puck knew they couldn’t have been all that supportive. He was willing to give them an out, because, hell, he’d been pretty surprised and he and Sam had spent more time together in home room that week than ever before. Outside rehersals and practises, anyway. Whatever, Puck tried to concentrate on being reassuring.
“I guess you’re gonna need to talk this stuff through with them if they don’t get it, so that’ll suck for you...” Puck didn’t realise he was so good at this friendly comfort thing, it was just coming to him. “I dunno Sam, I think we gotta get you home so you can avoid letting this drive you totally off edge. I have to tell you, today you were looking pretty frayed.” Sam cracked a smile at that and sniffed again. He steeled himself for a second, his hands drew into fists, and he stood up. Puck followed suit.
“I’ll drive you back there-” Sam started to protest but Puck just kept talking over him “-It’s probably gonna be pretty ... like, personal, so I’ll wait outside just in case, but no way in hell am I just goin’ home. We can hit up the arcade after actually, like, a cool-down thing.”
Now that he thought about it, Puck couldn’t believe he and Sam hadn’t hit the arcade before - it had never occurred to him. Sam was such a dork he’d probably ace all of the ticket machines. They could be like, an arcade dream-team; Sam could win the games and Puck could contribute the Rep to make it awesome instead of the total nerd-fest it would be if anyone else tried it. Besides, Puck felt insanely excited to hang out with Sam outside their usual obligatory activities. He figured he was starved of cool bro-company, and Finn kind of wore him down pretty quickly. They hadn’t been clicking recently.
“Puck, you don’t have to do all that... I mean I don’t want like... pity, or whatever- I’m good to look after mysel-”
Puck just interrupted the guy with a wave and started to walk, so Sam had to trot along after him.
“So... am I allowed to ask, you know, now that we’ve established the whole ‘even if you turn into an avatar at the full moon’ thing... you’re saying, like...gay?” Jesus, Puck felt insensitive saying it out loud. He tried to think of what PC term Kurt might demand...non-heteronormative? homosclusive? anti-femalist? Puck just shook himself off. Even thinking such big, weird, multi-syllabic words make him feel a strong urge to run laps of the football field.
“Yeah I’m pretty sure. Like I was pretty weirded out at first, and it’s only in the last few weeks that I’ve been really thinking about it a lot... but now I just want to get it off my chest. I want to get it out of my head so I can keep living.” Sam stuck his hands in his pockets, and seemed to have an afterthought. “Dude! Avatar? I didn’t know you’d even seen it!” Sam grinned across at Puck, looking at him through his bangs. After walking together a little longer he added, “Thanks, Puck. It shows how hard you’re working that you were willing to make a reference like that.” Sam surriptiously ran his sleeve over his face.
“It’s not work dude, and the movie was actually pretty rockin’. Arrows tipped with neuro-toxin on a planet where everything trys to kill you if you’re not like, luminescent? Badass.” Puck couldn’t help punching the air in front of him a little. He felt the point should be underlined.
Sam laughed and cracked a smile at him. Puck quietly made a mental note to rent Avatar over the weekend - he’d seen it with Santana at the theatre, ipso facto, after the first five minutes the whole thing was pretty much a blur of lips and heat.
Puck grinned. Fuck yeh he thought to himself; Puckasaurus: two, Universe: zero. He figured he deserved the extra point for working a bit of russian (or latin, or whatever ‘ipso facto’ actually was) into his mental commentary.
#
The car ride was quiet - Puck’s truck kept revving as he took side-long glances to see how Sam was doing. Puck wanted to reach over and pat him on the shoulder, but he didn’t want to crowd the guy. He could see that Sam was working hard to keep himself calm - his hands were fidgety and he was looking pretty intently at the passing scenery. He’d gotten really quiet as soon as they’d pulled off school grounds.
It only took about five minutes to get down into the motel carpark - Puck figured Sam’s folks had chosen the motel because it would be close enough to school for Sam to jog it every day. As far as Puck knew the Evans’ had sold their car over the summer.
All the noise died as Puck shut off the car, and Sam nervously looked up at him. Puck gave his shoulder a light punch. It was partly an excuse to touch him without breaking the no-touching-that-isn’t-fighting rule.
“It’s all good Sam, things are gonna be just fine once you talk stuff out with them,” Sam nodded a little, looking like he was kinda on autopilot. When he made no move towards getting out of the car Puck got an idea. “Pass me your phone,” - Sam handed it over. It was a cheap flippy phone just like Pucks, so he was able to make it work without too much trouble. He went to the SMS menu and set up a message to himself.
More gently than he knew he could be, Puck reached out and took Sams hand, sliding his phone into it and lightly placing Sam’s thumb on the send button. Puck couldn’t help but notice how smooth and strong Sam’s hands were.
“Dude, if anything happens, squeeze on this. I’m not leaving, I’ll come running; promise.” Puck smiled at Sam, who nodded and pushed against the door, getting out.
He turned back and looked at Puck before he shut the cab door. He looked pale.
“Thanks Puck, for being here- I don’t think anyone else even noticed that something was going on.”
Puck shrugged at him with a grin.
“The Puckasaurus never misses a beat, man”.
With that, Sam gave him a weak chuckle, pushed on the door so it swung shut and walked up towards his family’s room.
Puck watched Sam go for a second before undoing his seatbelt and taking his phone out - just in case. He pulled up his own SMS menu, and saw his most recent one - from Quinn, over a week ago.
“Fuck.”
Puck hadn’t realized just how much of a loner he’d been this week - he hadn’t texted anyone at all. If Santana hadn’t been preoccupied with Britt this couldn’t have happened.
Thinking of Quinn, Puck pushed his hand through his hair. He could still style it into a hawk but it was longer than he’d let it get in a couple of years - ever since he’d realized that, in high school, image is everything.
He missed Quinn. Remembering being with her on friday night... it had felt different. He thought she’d enjoyed dinner with him, she’d laughed at some of his stories and talked a little about what had been on her mind... but they were in public, so Puck hadn’t pressed it.
It was later, when Puck walked her back to her door, when things had gotten a little weird. He’d been planning on being the gentleman, maybe kissing her cheek - he remembered how soft Quinns skin was; nothing like Sams...
Quinn has asked him to come up to her room so they could talk more, and it had seemed pretty innocent, so he hadn’t thought twice... she’d told him to sit on the bed. Than.. she didn’t start talking. She started undressing.
Puck felt a little sick at the memory. The way she’d watched him as her skirt slipped to the floor. Had he used her, by saying yes? He shook himself. All he knew was that he had said yes, and it wasn’t like any time he’d made love before, there were so many feelings and he was really upset, and he could tell she was too because she was crying, but neither of them wanted to stop and she had pushed the rubber out of his hand, whispering that she’d been on the pill. She’d said she wanted to be able to really feel him (or feel something? he couldn’t remember what word she’d used, and suddenly it seemed important...).
Puck had felt like they were healing a little or something, but after it was over Quinn had snapped. He’d never seen her get angry so quickly. He had no idea what had happened, he’d thought he’d done everything he could to look after her.
She’d kicked him out pretty much immediately. Screamed at him to ‘just get out!’, and she was crying again and when Puck had tried to get closer she’d flinched as though she was afraid of him, and Puck had left. He’d felt like just being there, he’d been causing her so much pain.
And she still had his sneakers. He hoped she hadn’t thrown them away.
Puck jumped a little as his phone buzzed in his hands, he almost dropped it before he snapped back to the present and he was out the truck door in less than a second. He didn’t stop to close it as he sprinted up toward the motel, half his mind wishing he’d parked much closer and the other half being filled with horrific pictures of... Sam’s face connecting with someone’s fist... Sam being in trouble. Maybe crying. Puck didn’t think he’d cope if Sam started crying, the dude was normally so happy and together, and fuck it, Puck had taken it on himself to look after the guy and then he’d been a coward and chickened out and let Sam go into that place all alone. Puck felt momentarily disgusted with himself. He fucked everything up. He got to the door and shoved self-pity aside, making a fist so he’d be ready whatever happened. The door was still wide open so he vaulted inside and had to backpedal to stop from colliding with anything, and he jerked his head around.
Sam was sitting on the floor, back to the wall, just inside the door. His phone was clenched tightly in his hands. His eyes flicked up at Puck, then slid off him as he just looked into blank space, hitting his head against the wall with a thud.
Puck whirled around. Sam was the only one there. The room was bare.
#
As Sam made his way up to the motel from Puck’s truck, he thought back to the night before. He’d played his guitar softly for his brother and sister until they drifted off to sleep, and just played to himself until his parents had gotten back from whatever career seminar they had wrangled invitations to.
He’d been quietly freaking out most of the afternoon, because he’d sortof come to the decision to do it. To tell them, his parents at least... he couldn’t move on till he did something.
When they’d arrived back and his dad had walked in Sam didn’t let himself chicken out.
“Let me talk to you guys outside for a second?” His dad had looked at him tiredly before he blinked and nodded. His mom was having a smoke on the deck; Sam hated that she was smoking but it was partly because she was so stressed. She looked up at them as they came outside.
“Sam wants to talk to us about something.” His dad sat on the bench next to his wife and went to rub her shoulders. She looked irritated and twitched away.
“Sam, it’s been a long day... do you think whatever it is could wait?” She flicked her cirarette so that ash fell to the ground.
“Um, no, not really.” He doesn’t know why it’s suddenly so important to tell them now, like maybe if he lets himself off, he’ll just never go through with it.
His mom starts to get up, saying something about checking on the kids first. Sam panicked.
“I’m gay.” Shit, had he really said it?
Sam’s heart was pounding out of his chest.
His parents froze.
His mom stares at him for a second before bustling up again. “Sam, enough, now is hardly the time for something silly like that.” She started moving inside again. She wouldn’t look at him.
Sam rounded on her.
“It’s not silly! I’ve been working up the nerve to tell you guys for awhile.” Sam was freaking out a little and he felt indignant.
His dad furrowed his brow, looking up at him from his perch on the bench.
“Sam, this has been going through your head for awhile?”
“I just wanted you guys to know-“ Sam felt some of the walls inside him crumbling. He was so relieved to finally be having the conversation.
He was on the verge of spilling his guts about all the confused feelings he’d been having, but his mom beat him to the curb.
“This is ridiculous, Sam - we certainly have enough problems to deal with right now. Have you even thought about how this idea of yours will affect your brother and sister?”
Sam backpedals now. What?
His mom crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked distinctly irritated. “Sam, you can’t expect to throw something like this at us, out of the blue. Your father and I can’t very well have you sleeping across the room from Stacey and your brother-“ Now it’s Sam’s turn to interrupt, because this is not how he’d thought this would go at all, and he’d clicked to what his mom was getting at.
“What, like I’m sick? Like I’m contagious?” He felt all the nervous energy he’d been feeling bubbling up in him, he couldn’t help raising his voice.
“Sam! Don’t cause a scene.” She was scolding him like he was ten again, but she kept her voice hushed.
“Sam,” His dad cut in with a much gentler tone. “This is very suprising for us, and I can see how confused you are. Your mother has been so stressed, please try to remember how hard everything has been on her.” He stood and put his hand lightly on Sam’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go inside to sleep, try and get some rest. Your mother and I will talk about what you’ve told us.”
Sam felt like he was being dismissed, but his dad’s soft voice made all the anger go out of him and he just felt lost again. Telling them had just made things worse - they thought he’d be bad for his brother and sister? They thought he was confused - and yeh, he was, but they were supposed to help him with it!
Sam turned in and roughly pulled himself into his sleeping bag and pretended to sleep. He wanted to try and hear what his parents were saying, but his mother reached in and closed the door, and Sam felt his frustration slowly blend into a very disturbed sleep.
All the memories ran through Sams head as he dug for his key. He didn’t know what his parents would say, he hadn’t had a chance to talk to either of them that morning - his mother had left early for the bank, leaving a note to ask him to tidy up his things before school, and his dad was still asleep. He’d been dreading getting back all day.
He had to jiggle the key in the lock a bit. His was the spare so it didn’t fit very well. He felt the tumblers move into place and he shouldered the door open, expecting his siblings to be home from daycare by now, but the room was silent. He turned and looked- for a second he thought he’d forced his way into the wrong room.
The bed was shoddily made and the blinds were drawn and there was nothing there that should have been. His family usually had a stack of boxes of clothes in the back, and they were gone... everything was gone. The room was empty.
Sam spotted a note on the bed and he snatched it up. His parent’s room key was taped to it.
‘The room is paid until 8pm. Please be sure to pass in the keys before you leave.‘
It was in his mothers precise handwriting. Sam felt himself stumble backwards into the wall. He barely noticed as the note dropped from his hand and he slid down till he sat on the floor. His mind was reeling, he couldn’t think. He realized his hand hurt and he glanced down; he saw he was squeezing his phone tightly; his knuckles were white and shaking. He’d been clutching it like a freakin lifeline since Puck placed it in his hand.
What the hell was he going to do?