Are you afraid of being alone? Cause I am, I'm lost without you

[dramaticstars]

sooooooooo I had this whole long entry that i started to write in here about my amazing weekend and all the lovely events leading up to today and I realized that I did not like it. It wasnt me. It wasnt why I had this journal. I had this journal to bitch and complain when no one else was around to listen or I just couldnt really express how I felt... I had it to release all my anger and emotions and tears and sometimes to be funny and sometimes to show off some things or inform the world of things that I cared about or things that were going on in my life... but I realized that I haven't been able to write in this thing lately because I don't know what Im feeling anymore.... I don't have control over any of my emotions and frankly this scares me. I havent been feeling so great about myself lately. I hear/read about how everyone has started a diet and are already losing pounds and how everyone has all these great jobs that are paying them well and hanging out with their friends and having a great time and I feel that we've all already been home from school for a while now and I'm not doing anything with myself. I haven't started losing the weight I want... I haven't been eating the way I want... I haven't joined a gym, frankly I haven't even THOUGHT about joining a gym... I haven't called my voice teacher to see when I could have lessons this summer. I went back to the same job that I've been doing for the past two years because I didnt want to even bother and try to look for something better and worth while. I have pretty much been doing alot of shit. and i hate that. it's not me. it really isnt. I haven't really wanted to go hang out with anyone that much. Everytime I see people I tend to complain about something. I feel like I've become even more defensive then usual... and with all of this shit going on I would just love to know what is causing it because I have no clue. as I'm sitting here right now all I want to do is go rent a sappy love story cuddle up on the couch in sweats with the ac on and watch a movie ALONE and cry. I dont get it. I really just dont at all.

"I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless
How you never seem to care
When I'm angry, you listen
When youre happy, it's a mission
And you wont stop 'til I'm there" Pieces of Me