Bare // Swingset Kisses
Title: Swingset Kisses
Authors: Sarah wrote Jason, Zoe wrote Peter
Rating: PG13
Words: 2,411
Pairing: Peter/Jason
Summary: Jason and Peter have a little argument about dating during a late night walk.
Notes: This is just Jason's point of view, and Peter's part is linked below. They're basically the same story from each boy's vantage point, so it doesn't matter which one you read first.
Peter's POV: Swingset Kisses as experienced by Peter by t3hzoe
Disclaimer: Not mine.
I can feel the cool fall breeze blowing through my hair as I walk through the park, hand in hand, with Peter. There’s no one else around at this time of night, even though it’s barely past 9:00, but I’m not one to complain about alone time with him outside the confines of our small dormitory. The breeze blows again and I shiver just a little, knowing that next week it’s going to be too chilly to go outside without my new Notre Dame sweatshirt.
“So...did Lucas tell you?” Peter breaks the silence. “He finally asked Tanya out...”
“No way!” I reply. I knew he had liked her since his first senior year, but I didn’t think he’d actually do it. Surprisingly, he’s awfully shy around the girls he liked. “I didn't think he'd ever get the courage up. It was like he was in middle school or something.” I throw my head back in laughter as we continue walking down the worn path.
”It could have been worse,” Peter continued, “you know, the whole note thing. 'Do you like me? Check yes or no'. Sadly, I can see him doing that...”
I laugh again, loud and long, because it’s true. “Me too,” I say, “I'm just glad I didn't have any of those issues or stupid fears when I asked you out.” I squeeze his hand gently, lacing my fingers with his just a little bit tighter.
Through the corner of my eye, I can see Peter blushing, his cheeks filling with pink as he recalls that beautiful September afternoon just over three years ago. “Probably because you basically skipped that step and just kissed me,” he replies.
I smile at the memory because it’s one of my favorites and the unconventionality of it all is just so very us. “I figured that'd be the best way to get my point across.” And it’s true. Regardless of the fact that I was scared shitless when I did it, it was the best way I could think to tell him without muddling my words because, well, I didn’t need to say anything at all. And sometimes that’s the best way of saying things.
“Well, it worked,” he adds with a grin, inching a little closer to me as we keep going. I can see him looking up at me, his dark eyes big and hopeful. “It's awfully quiet around here, isn't it?”
I wasn’t looking directly at him to begin with, more with a side glance, trying to keep my eyes ahead of me, but his words are a perfect excuse not to look at him because when he gets that look in his eyes… So I just look around, taking in the sight of changing leaves and dying flowers. The park is quiet except for occasional breeze. “Hmm, parks don't seem too popular on Friday nights. Lucky us, I guess.” It’s all I can think of to say at this point because I know where this is going.
“You know...I was thinking the other day...” Peter starts.
Here we go, I think to myself. “Yeah?” I ask as casually as I can. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he was thinking about cheese or the Red Sox or how stupid that new sitcom looks. There’s always maybe’s with us.
“Would it really hurt to just...go to the movies together one night?” he asks, and even though I’m not looking at him, I can just tell by the sound of his voice how much hope is in his eyes right now. “I mean, we could sit in the back row, it would be dark...no one would have to know...except for us.”
Nope. I was right. And even though that new show is something I’d never watch and I hate the Red Sox and I think cheese is only just okay, I’d much rather talk about those things than this. I shake my head, avoiding his eyes and glaring daggers at my dark denim Converse. “It wouldn’t work, Peter,” I reply. “We can’t.” And although I really can’t think of an exact reason as to why it wouldn’t work, I just know it wouldn’t. We’d be seen and my god, I do not need that kind of problem right now.
But Peter’s stubborn. I know he’s not going to let this go so easily. “I just don't see why not. No one we know would be there. We could be like a...a real couple.”
“Just because we think we're alone doesn't mean there aren't people watching us,” I refute. “ Like, right now,” I pause, letting his hand drop from mine. I quickly cross my arms across my chest as a bicyclist speeds past. When I’m sure the guy is gone and not looking back at us, I reach for Peter’s hand again. I can tell he’s reluctant, but he takes it anyway, holding it in a loose, clammy grip. “Besides,” I continue, “since when did going to the movies make anyone a 'real' couple?” I would have done finger quotes when I said the word “real,” but it looks so lame when people only use one hand.
“Jason,” he’s frowning now, “that guy wasn't watching us, he probably didn't even notice us...” His voice is getting different. I can tell this isn’t going to end anytime soon. He’s too stubborn to let any of this go. “And I was just using the movies as an example. I hear dinner is always nice too.”
I sigh. “I can heat up some Chef Boyardee in the microwave down the hall if you'd like me to make you dinner. I'll even get you the ones with the Ninja Turtle shaped noodles. And we can eat it in my bed and watch the game.” That’s dinner, isn’t it? After all, I always thought it would be more romantic if your love was cooking for you rather than paying someone else to. But I have to push my amorous fantasies aside because I know this isn’t about being romantic. It’s about being normal.
“You know that's not what I mean!” His voice has surpassed stubbornness and changed into a cross between annoyance and anger. “I want to go on a date, Jason, I want to do something other than sit on your bed and watch the game. That's not the way we should spend the rest of our lives...”
The rest of our lives. It’s always about the future with Peter, never the present. I do want to spend my forever with Peter and I really don’t want to spend that forever hiding. But there’s a time and a place, and, for me, now is not that time and here is not that place. “Look, Peter. We can't. Someone might see us and... we just can't. Not here or now, anyway.” It’s a lame excuse and I know it, but right now that’s the only one I’ve got, so I’m going to use it.
“So someone sees us. It's not going to be anyone we know, so why should it matter so much? Not here or now? Then where and when?”
This argument seems so different. He never goes on this long, always giving in within five minutes, letting me be the one that’s right. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m so used to having my way that makes me so uneasy. I can feel a knot twisting into shape in my stomach as my biggest fear surfaces in the back of mind. Losing him is just something I can’t handle.
But I keep my voice cool, trying not to sound too angry and say, “So the fact that they don't know us is going to stop them from saying something or doing something to us? Yeah, all right. And somewhere far, far away from St. Cecilia's. Can you really see anyone there letting this blow over?” And it’s true. Countless conferences with Father, my parents flying in and sending me away to some camp that’s going to fix me, the snide comments in the halls… God, I can’t even imagine.
“It's not like we'd be the first...couple like us to go out in public,” he refutes. “The world isn't always that bad, you know.” He sighs. “If they can turn a blind eye to everyone else having 'premarital sex', why not us holding hands?”
And I can’t take it anymore. I let go of his hand and walk forward, quickening my pace so that I’m ahead of him. I cross my arms across my chest. “I just can't, Peter. It's really great that you're so comfortable with all of this, but you need to understand that I'm still getting used to all of it, okay?” I don’t even look back at him as I walk forward on the ending path. The playground is in sight and my eyes find the swing set. I’d much rather look at that right now then Peter because I know the hurt look he’s probably wearing on his face right all too well and to see it might just kill me.
“It's not a matter of being comfortable...it's a matter of being free...” I can hear him mutter from a few yards behind me. “What is there to 'get used to'. Not much is different except our relationship in our room.” His footsteps grow softer as he drops further behind me.
I just ignore him because that’s easier. I sit down on the black rubber swing and it creaks under my weight. I wrap my hands around the metal chains and kick off the ground. The toes of my denim colored Converse scrape against the padding under the swing set as I sway back and forth a few feet off the ground. I can feel Peter getting closer, but I know he’s not going to come over and sit with me, so I just sit there listening to his sighs as I try to collect my thoughts.
I look back at him, but he won’t meet my eyes. Looking back at my feet, I sigh. “Look Peter,” I start, my eyes memorizing the exact pattern of dark blue on my shoes.
“Forget it, alright?” he snaps, the anger in his voice cutting me.
“No, it's just... This is all so new to me, okay? This whole... acknowledging my feelings. I just need more time to take all this in. You understand that right?” I look up at him with hopeful eyes, knowing it’s going to take a lot more convincing to get him to even look at me, let alone meet my gaze.
Peter sighs. “* It doesn't matter, Jason...I was just being irrational anyway...of course we can't be seen...like that…” He’s still avoiding my eyes.
The guilt starts churning in my gut and I feel sick. I hate doing this to him, I really do. It’s just that sometimes… the thought of people knowing scares the shit out of me. “No, you weren't. I mean, there's no reason we shouldn't be able to... just not now.” My voice softens. I’m not the one that’s angry right now. “Hey, look at me. Please?” I’m practically begging at this point.
“As much as your reasoning suggests otherwise...” he starts with a sigh. “Jason, if I look at you, I won't be able to stand it,” and I can hear a smile cracking in his voice, “you'll break me down in no time.”
I laugh to myself, knowing that if I actually smiled while he looked at me, I’d get him. I was pretty sure it was my smile that originally attracted him to me and I admit I sometimes use that to my advantage. But now’s not the time for that. I look up at him even though I know he’s not going to be looking back. “Just because we don't go to the movies together or go out as a couple like everyone else doesn't mean I don't love you, okay?” And I mean every word of what I just said and I really hope he knows that. I look back at the ground anyway, kicking at it as I let the swing sway back and forth.
I see him look at me through the corner of my eye. “Okay...I love you too...”
“So, will you come over here?” I look up at him with a smile as I talk, the playfulness returning to my voice.
With his arms crossed, he takes a step closer.
I cock my head and give him a look. I hold out my hand, reaching for him and hoping he’ll take it.
It works. A slight grin forms on his lips as he walks closer and takes my hand.
I smile, big and wide as I pull him towards me and onto my lap. I wrap my arm around him, holding him close, wishing I would never have to let go. “You'll wait until I'm ready, right? Because the only thing that scares me more than someone finding out is losing you.” And that’s true. As terrified as I am about someone knowing our little secret, he’d be right there with me, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if someone found out. As long as I had him…
“Oh!” He wiggles around in my arms to get comfortable and he grins. “I'd wait forever for you...” he says softly as he buries his face in my neck.
His soft dark hair tickles my cheek and I grin because I love that feeling. I look around, taking in our surroundings to find that we’re truly alone. Not another living soul - well, except for maybe a squirrel or two - was around. I look back at Peter, pulling my hand away from the chain of the swing to brush a dark lock out of his chocolate brown eyes.
He finally looks up at me and our eyes meet. With a small smile, he says, “If we can still spend moments like this, I think it'll all be fine...”
I smile back. “I think we'll be fine too.” I cup his face in my free hand, pulling it even closer to mine. I press my lips against his gently in a soft, loving kiss. I can feel a smile on his lips as he leans into the kiss with the same amount of gentle passion.
And if only for this one moment, the two of us frozen in time locked in each other’s embrace, all was right in the world.
Authors: Sarah wrote Jason, Zoe wrote Peter
Rating: PG13
Words: 2,411
Pairing: Peter/Jason
Summary: Jason and Peter have a little argument about dating during a late night walk.
Notes: This is just Jason's point of view, and Peter's part is linked below. They're basically the same story from each boy's vantage point, so it doesn't matter which one you read first.
Peter's POV: Swingset Kisses as experienced by Peter by t3hzoe
Disclaimer: Not mine.
I can feel the cool fall breeze blowing through my hair as I walk through the park, hand in hand, with Peter. There’s no one else around at this time of night, even though it’s barely past 9:00, but I’m not one to complain about alone time with him outside the confines of our small dormitory. The breeze blows again and I shiver just a little, knowing that next week it’s going to be too chilly to go outside without my new Notre Dame sweatshirt.
“So...did Lucas tell you?” Peter breaks the silence. “He finally asked Tanya out...”
“No way!” I reply. I knew he had liked her since his first senior year, but I didn’t think he’d actually do it. Surprisingly, he’s awfully shy around the girls he liked. “I didn't think he'd ever get the courage up. It was like he was in middle school or something.” I throw my head back in laughter as we continue walking down the worn path.
”It could have been worse,” Peter continued, “you know, the whole note thing. 'Do you like me? Check yes or no'. Sadly, I can see him doing that...”
I laugh again, loud and long, because it’s true. “Me too,” I say, “I'm just glad I didn't have any of those issues or stupid fears when I asked you out.” I squeeze his hand gently, lacing my fingers with his just a little bit tighter.
Through the corner of my eye, I can see Peter blushing, his cheeks filling with pink as he recalls that beautiful September afternoon just over three years ago. “Probably because you basically skipped that step and just kissed me,” he replies.
I smile at the memory because it’s one of my favorites and the unconventionality of it all is just so very us. “I figured that'd be the best way to get my point across.” And it’s true. Regardless of the fact that I was scared shitless when I did it, it was the best way I could think to tell him without muddling my words because, well, I didn’t need to say anything at all. And sometimes that’s the best way of saying things.
“Well, it worked,” he adds with a grin, inching a little closer to me as we keep going. I can see him looking up at me, his dark eyes big and hopeful. “It's awfully quiet around here, isn't it?”
I wasn’t looking directly at him to begin with, more with a side glance, trying to keep my eyes ahead of me, but his words are a perfect excuse not to look at him because when he gets that look in his eyes… So I just look around, taking in the sight of changing leaves and dying flowers. The park is quiet except for occasional breeze. “Hmm, parks don't seem too popular on Friday nights. Lucky us, I guess.” It’s all I can think of to say at this point because I know where this is going.
“You know...I was thinking the other day...” Peter starts.
Here we go, I think to myself. “Yeah?” I ask as casually as I can. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he was thinking about cheese or the Red Sox or how stupid that new sitcom looks. There’s always maybe’s with us.
“Would it really hurt to just...go to the movies together one night?” he asks, and even though I’m not looking at him, I can just tell by the sound of his voice how much hope is in his eyes right now. “I mean, we could sit in the back row, it would be dark...no one would have to know...except for us.”
Nope. I was right. And even though that new show is something I’d never watch and I hate the Red Sox and I think cheese is only just okay, I’d much rather talk about those things than this. I shake my head, avoiding his eyes and glaring daggers at my dark denim Converse. “It wouldn’t work, Peter,” I reply. “We can’t.” And although I really can’t think of an exact reason as to why it wouldn’t work, I just know it wouldn’t. We’d be seen and my god, I do not need that kind of problem right now.
But Peter’s stubborn. I know he’s not going to let this go so easily. “I just don't see why not. No one we know would be there. We could be like a...a real couple.”
“Just because we think we're alone doesn't mean there aren't people watching us,” I refute. “ Like, right now,” I pause, letting his hand drop from mine. I quickly cross my arms across my chest as a bicyclist speeds past. When I’m sure the guy is gone and not looking back at us, I reach for Peter’s hand again. I can tell he’s reluctant, but he takes it anyway, holding it in a loose, clammy grip. “Besides,” I continue, “since when did going to the movies make anyone a 'real' couple?” I would have done finger quotes when I said the word “real,” but it looks so lame when people only use one hand.
“Jason,” he’s frowning now, “that guy wasn't watching us, he probably didn't even notice us...” His voice is getting different. I can tell this isn’t going to end anytime soon. He’s too stubborn to let any of this go. “And I was just using the movies as an example. I hear dinner is always nice too.”
I sigh. “I can heat up some Chef Boyardee in the microwave down the hall if you'd like me to make you dinner. I'll even get you the ones with the Ninja Turtle shaped noodles. And we can eat it in my bed and watch the game.” That’s dinner, isn’t it? After all, I always thought it would be more romantic if your love was cooking for you rather than paying someone else to. But I have to push my amorous fantasies aside because I know this isn’t about being romantic. It’s about being normal.
“You know that's not what I mean!” His voice has surpassed stubbornness and changed into a cross between annoyance and anger. “I want to go on a date, Jason, I want to do something other than sit on your bed and watch the game. That's not the way we should spend the rest of our lives...”
The rest of our lives. It’s always about the future with Peter, never the present. I do want to spend my forever with Peter and I really don’t want to spend that forever hiding. But there’s a time and a place, and, for me, now is not that time and here is not that place. “Look, Peter. We can't. Someone might see us and... we just can't. Not here or now, anyway.” It’s a lame excuse and I know it, but right now that’s the only one I’ve got, so I’m going to use it.
“So someone sees us. It's not going to be anyone we know, so why should it matter so much? Not here or now? Then where and when?”
This argument seems so different. He never goes on this long, always giving in within five minutes, letting me be the one that’s right. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m so used to having my way that makes me so uneasy. I can feel a knot twisting into shape in my stomach as my biggest fear surfaces in the back of mind. Losing him is just something I can’t handle.
But I keep my voice cool, trying not to sound too angry and say, “So the fact that they don't know us is going to stop them from saying something or doing something to us? Yeah, all right. And somewhere far, far away from St. Cecilia's. Can you really see anyone there letting this blow over?” And it’s true. Countless conferences with Father, my parents flying in and sending me away to some camp that’s going to fix me, the snide comments in the halls… God, I can’t even imagine.
“It's not like we'd be the first...couple like us to go out in public,” he refutes. “The world isn't always that bad, you know.” He sighs. “If they can turn a blind eye to everyone else having 'premarital sex', why not us holding hands?”
And I can’t take it anymore. I let go of his hand and walk forward, quickening my pace so that I’m ahead of him. I cross my arms across my chest. “I just can't, Peter. It's really great that you're so comfortable with all of this, but you need to understand that I'm still getting used to all of it, okay?” I don’t even look back at him as I walk forward on the ending path. The playground is in sight and my eyes find the swing set. I’d much rather look at that right now then Peter because I know the hurt look he’s probably wearing on his face right all too well and to see it might just kill me.
“It's not a matter of being comfortable...it's a matter of being free...” I can hear him mutter from a few yards behind me. “What is there to 'get used to'. Not much is different except our relationship in our room.” His footsteps grow softer as he drops further behind me.
I just ignore him because that’s easier. I sit down on the black rubber swing and it creaks under my weight. I wrap my hands around the metal chains and kick off the ground. The toes of my denim colored Converse scrape against the padding under the swing set as I sway back and forth a few feet off the ground. I can feel Peter getting closer, but I know he’s not going to come over and sit with me, so I just sit there listening to his sighs as I try to collect my thoughts.
I look back at him, but he won’t meet my eyes. Looking back at my feet, I sigh. “Look Peter,” I start, my eyes memorizing the exact pattern of dark blue on my shoes.
“Forget it, alright?” he snaps, the anger in his voice cutting me.
“No, it's just... This is all so new to me, okay? This whole... acknowledging my feelings. I just need more time to take all this in. You understand that right?” I look up at him with hopeful eyes, knowing it’s going to take a lot more convincing to get him to even look at me, let alone meet my gaze.
Peter sighs. “* It doesn't matter, Jason...I was just being irrational anyway...of course we can't be seen...like that…” He’s still avoiding my eyes.
The guilt starts churning in my gut and I feel sick. I hate doing this to him, I really do. It’s just that sometimes… the thought of people knowing scares the shit out of me. “No, you weren't. I mean, there's no reason we shouldn't be able to... just not now.” My voice softens. I’m not the one that’s angry right now. “Hey, look at me. Please?” I’m practically begging at this point.
“As much as your reasoning suggests otherwise...” he starts with a sigh. “Jason, if I look at you, I won't be able to stand it,” and I can hear a smile cracking in his voice, “you'll break me down in no time.”
I laugh to myself, knowing that if I actually smiled while he looked at me, I’d get him. I was pretty sure it was my smile that originally attracted him to me and I admit I sometimes use that to my advantage. But now’s not the time for that. I look up at him even though I know he’s not going to be looking back. “Just because we don't go to the movies together or go out as a couple like everyone else doesn't mean I don't love you, okay?” And I mean every word of what I just said and I really hope he knows that. I look back at the ground anyway, kicking at it as I let the swing sway back and forth.
I see him look at me through the corner of my eye. “Okay...I love you too...”
“So, will you come over here?” I look up at him with a smile as I talk, the playfulness returning to my voice.
With his arms crossed, he takes a step closer.
I cock my head and give him a look. I hold out my hand, reaching for him and hoping he’ll take it.
It works. A slight grin forms on his lips as he walks closer and takes my hand.
I smile, big and wide as I pull him towards me and onto my lap. I wrap my arm around him, holding him close, wishing I would never have to let go. “You'll wait until I'm ready, right? Because the only thing that scares me more than someone finding out is losing you.” And that’s true. As terrified as I am about someone knowing our little secret, he’d be right there with me, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if someone found out. As long as I had him…
“Oh!” He wiggles around in my arms to get comfortable and he grins. “I'd wait forever for you...” he says softly as he buries his face in my neck.
His soft dark hair tickles my cheek and I grin because I love that feeling. I look around, taking in our surroundings to find that we’re truly alone. Not another living soul - well, except for maybe a squirrel or two - was around. I look back at Peter, pulling my hand away from the chain of the swing to brush a dark lock out of his chocolate brown eyes.
He finally looks up at me and our eyes meet. With a small smile, he says, “If we can still spend moments like this, I think it'll all be fine...”
I smile back. “I think we'll be fine too.” I cup his face in my free hand, pulling it even closer to mine. I press my lips against his gently in a soft, loving kiss. I can feel a smile on his lips as he leans into the kiss with the same amount of gentle passion.
And if only for this one moment, the two of us frozen in time locked in each other’s embrace, all was right in the world.