(no subject)
hm... I hardly write in this thing anymore... however... it's 2AM and I'm full of emotions so I might as well write.
I haven't really had time to stop and breathe recently.
Right now Night of the Iguana is still going on at Tallahassee Little Theatre. I'm just a cabana boy and it's my job to be sexy. And me being sexy is difficult enough but then throw in the fact that the other 2 cabana boys are gorgeous (don't even get me started on that) and I just feel like shit all the time. I feel like the random 3rd wheel that obviously doesn't belong. I'm just ready for that one to be over. Besides... I'm not Mexican and I don't speak spanish very well. Which sort of leads me to my next thing...
Last week against my better judgement I decided to audition for A Chorus Line at Tallahassee Community College. Me... the most infamous non-dancer in the history of OYT and a lot of other places. I figured I haven't been in a musical since Urinetown the summer of 05 so I might as well try. Somehow I magically got cast. My dance audition was HORRIBLE of course... but apparently my readings and vocal auditions were so good that it didn't matter. The choroegrapher apparently believes that she can make anybody look good. She obviously doesn't know me. I got cast as Paul... a Puerto Rican... haha... here we go again with the spanish. Anyway... I'm shocked. It's a dream role, but I never expected it to happen in real life. A Chorus Line is one of those shows that I always knew I would never be in and I was okay with that.
I'm SO fucking scared/intimidated/excited/every emotion for this show. Almost everybody in the show has been dancing for years and then there is me. Stupid me who everybody is just going to glare at and think "what the fuck is he doing here??" I'm just afraid that once we start dancing tomorrow. The director is going to be kicking himself HARD. I don't want to let anybody down. I just feel like there were probably other more deserving people that should be there instead of me.
I want to do the show because I know it's going to be the greatest challenge of my theatre career thus far. It's going to push me and really test me and allow me to stretch myself as far as possible. When it's all said and done I'm going to be so proud of what I've accomplished. But until that point... I'm going to be in hell for the next 2 months and I'm going to come home from rehearsal crying every night and I'm going to be an emotional wreck and I'm not going to get my homework done and I'm not going to sleep.
Finally... my last point. I want somebody to be there for me throughout this whole thing. I love my roommates and my friends because they are there for me and they do end up hearing all about rehearsals. But I really need a guy. I need somebody who is going to make me feel good about myself. Because it's nice to hear your friends tell you you're not ugly and that you're going to be great... but that's just not the same as having a b/f tell you that. My self confidence is going to go to shit and I'm going to be falling apart and I need somebody to hold me together. ha... god I just sound like the perfect relationship person right now eh? The problem is... I have a person like that in my mind... it's just not in real life. Now I sound like a crazy person. Great. No... nevermind. This is all stupid. Basically what I'm saying... is that I don't want to be single. I don't like gay men though and they generally don't like me. So now what?
Kay... I'm done... wait... one more thing...
I was also supposed to be a part of a reading of True Man: The Musical an original work by the fabulous Nic Dris. It's a musical about the life of Truman Capote. I was THRILLED that he wanted me to be a part of it and really flattered and I want more than anything to be able to do it. But because of A Chorus Line, I don't think that's going to be possible. I hate having to decide between things because it's never easy. I've only had to do this one other time way back in high school and it was which ensemble of which musical should I be in. I've come a long way since then.
I realize I sound like such an annoying bitch whining about how I've been offered 2 great opportunities and whining about Chorus Line when there were other people that wanted it that didn't get in. I'm just stressing out.
Anyway... goodnight.
P.S. If you actually read this... you deserve a cookie... I don't care if you're on a diet... you'll eat a god damn cookie.
I haven't really had time to stop and breathe recently.
Right now Night of the Iguana is still going on at Tallahassee Little Theatre. I'm just a cabana boy and it's my job to be sexy. And me being sexy is difficult enough but then throw in the fact that the other 2 cabana boys are gorgeous (don't even get me started on that) and I just feel like shit all the time. I feel like the random 3rd wheel that obviously doesn't belong. I'm just ready for that one to be over. Besides... I'm not Mexican and I don't speak spanish very well. Which sort of leads me to my next thing...
Last week against my better judgement I decided to audition for A Chorus Line at Tallahassee Community College. Me... the most infamous non-dancer in the history of OYT and a lot of other places. I figured I haven't been in a musical since Urinetown the summer of 05 so I might as well try. Somehow I magically got cast. My dance audition was HORRIBLE of course... but apparently my readings and vocal auditions were so good that it didn't matter. The choroegrapher apparently believes that she can make anybody look good. She obviously doesn't know me. I got cast as Paul... a Puerto Rican... haha... here we go again with the spanish. Anyway... I'm shocked. It's a dream role, but I never expected it to happen in real life. A Chorus Line is one of those shows that I always knew I would never be in and I was okay with that.
I'm SO fucking scared/intimidated/excited/every emotion for this show. Almost everybody in the show has been dancing for years and then there is me. Stupid me who everybody is just going to glare at and think "what the fuck is he doing here??" I'm just afraid that once we start dancing tomorrow. The director is going to be kicking himself HARD. I don't want to let anybody down. I just feel like there were probably other more deserving people that should be there instead of me.
I want to do the show because I know it's going to be the greatest challenge of my theatre career thus far. It's going to push me and really test me and allow me to stretch myself as far as possible. When it's all said and done I'm going to be so proud of what I've accomplished. But until that point... I'm going to be in hell for the next 2 months and I'm going to come home from rehearsal crying every night and I'm going to be an emotional wreck and I'm not going to get my homework done and I'm not going to sleep.
Finally... my last point. I want somebody to be there for me throughout this whole thing. I love my roommates and my friends because they are there for me and they do end up hearing all about rehearsals. But I really need a guy. I need somebody who is going to make me feel good about myself. Because it's nice to hear your friends tell you you're not ugly and that you're going to be great... but that's just not the same as having a b/f tell you that. My self confidence is going to go to shit and I'm going to be falling apart and I need somebody to hold me together. ha... god I just sound like the perfect relationship person right now eh? The problem is... I have a person like that in my mind... it's just not in real life. Now I sound like a crazy person. Great. No... nevermind. This is all stupid. Basically what I'm saying... is that I don't want to be single. I don't like gay men though and they generally don't like me. So now what?
Kay... I'm done... wait... one more thing...
I was also supposed to be a part of a reading of True Man: The Musical an original work by the fabulous Nic Dris. It's a musical about the life of Truman Capote. I was THRILLED that he wanted me to be a part of it and really flattered and I want more than anything to be able to do it. But because of A Chorus Line, I don't think that's going to be possible. I hate having to decide between things because it's never easy. I've only had to do this one other time way back in high school and it was which ensemble of which musical should I be in. I've come a long way since then.
I realize I sound like such an annoying bitch whining about how I've been offered 2 great opportunities and whining about Chorus Line when there were other people that wanted it that didn't get in. I'm just stressing out.
Anyway... goodnight.
P.S. If you actually read this... you deserve a cookie... I don't care if you're on a diet... you'll eat a god damn cookie.