Feb 14, 2005 20:21
Valentine's Day... i love how i masked the day and my emotions by acting like i was very much happy.. well i guess thats why im in theatre... its so hard to fell good about yourself when no one else does... i realize sometimes that im meant to be alone.. or to never experience a single kiss, or never be able to understand the big L- O- V- E... it's harsh... and hard to swallow... i feel so drained and the thing is i havent let out the tears.. i felt myself getting depressed at the most random parts of my day... in musical theatre watching if i loved you, evn though it is incredibly annoying since ive heard it 17 times... or singing a romantic valentine song.. or listening to this kid play the saxophone in class... or in the car listening to the lyrics of songs that i knew by heart and discovering how meaning ful and sad they are to me... it's hard... im extremely sensitive.. anyone who knows me knows that... but when it comes to things like this... i sit in the car fighting the tears feeling so claustrophobic.. because i dont want my mom to know how i feel.. and because i feel so stupid when everyone else says.. "oh hunny dont worry your time will come".. or "i know what you mean" and they just broke up with their 7th boyfriend for the week... GET A FRICKIN CLUE.. my lips are pure... i have never been kissed.. yes i am drew barrymore right now... why cant i be exactly like her in that movie.. where everything came true? Love like in a relationship means nothing to me... its just a word... its just a sound... all my life i criticize people for saying "how can they love him/her.. they just met" but what room do i have to speak? as much as i pretend that i dont let anything about myself bother me or pretend that im confident.. i only fool myself.. its terrible... ughh...
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
~Roni
PS: I miss Reid... a lot!