I wish I could stop hearing "FAILURE" being subtly screamed in my fucking face.
If it were so important to YOU that I go to college right now, you would help me pay for it WITHOUT me having to live with you for it. I cant afford it NOR do I want to go right now... well, I do, but only if its the going to a huge university and living in a dorm or a house near campus.. maybe being in a sorority.... but thats way out of my reach, so for now all I want to do is work and save money and plan out where Im going to live when my time is up here(this place is getting torn down in 9 months) and try to make my way out of FL.... Maybe I will take a few classes a semester.. but I dont care if it takes a long time to finish college, I want to have freedom. I want to make my own schedule and have time to focus on improving in my art and take classes Im interested in and enjoy my life. Why THE FUCK would anyone be in a HURRY to get through college. Whats after college? The same job for forever, a hisband and some kids... I dont want that EVER not to mention as soon as possible.. maybe Im just different... I dont want what everyone else wants....
Have you ever felt like you have so many dreams and aspirations that you dont even know where to get started... Life is short and there is so much I want to do... I want to experience everything. I dont want to go to college yet, I want to live freely and be happy... enjoy my time.
I wish I could stop hearing "FAILURE" being subtly screamed in my fucking face.
I will make something of myself. Even if its not a fucking desk job lame ass married woman with kids bullshit. I dont want marriage, or kids, or a 9-5. I want to be HAPPY and enjoy my life and be successful, but maybe a different kind of success. I want to paint and write and design and travel and take pictures and just let my mind flow and be as creative as it can.. i want to open a store one day and make or design everything in it... I want so many things and because of the choices Ive been making all Im hearing is that I will fail and end up as trailor trash pregnant and cracked out, but thats not it at all... i want to be so many great things, I guess they are just not what everyone hoped for me..... I wish I didnt have to feel like I was always letting people down and being a disappointment.... I wish I could make people proud. I wish my dad could look at me and see what I see for myself... I feel like I should feel bad for not doing what everyone says I should.. but i just want to listen to myself and do what I want... thats why I moved out, why would I do anything different. Moving out has given me the opportunity to find myself and be free... i want that for forever. I just want to be happy.. we dont even know whats after this life, what if its something shitty? I want to live this life as good as I can... I never want any regrets. i hate regretting... i love living in the moment because you always have fun.... its impossible to really regret anything when you had fun doing it.---think about it...