i'm an idiot.
i'm an idiot. plain and simple. i told myself over and over again since i started college that i need to focus on my craft and work on becoming a better actor/singer/performer. so i wouldn't get mixed up in relationships and such. so i would have meaningless drunken sex to get random impulses out but all during my time at dean i focused on my career.
well in the past month i've been a little distracted w/ a certain boy. i lost track of my focus and i was just out having a blast all the time. and don't get me wrong, i've had so much fun w/ him and i love hanging out with him but about an hour ago i had a realization.
my audition is tomorrow. if i don't get into this school then i don't have a school to go to next year. i don't have my monologues memorized and my resume isn't even done. i've lost all sense of focus w/ what i need to do for this audition. this is a very important audition.
i need to take time off for me. i've been too busy with helping everyone else out, finishing school, working and hanging out with friends that i've lost what i want. i WANT to be in new york this fall. i WANT to be at Five Towns College next year. i WANT to leave this small town and be in the city. i want, i want, i want and i need to do what i need to do to achieve them.
so i'm sorry to everyone that i promised to hang out with this week but for the next 2 days, it's non-stop sarah time. i need to do this for me and this audition means the world to me. i need to re-focus my attention to my craft and stop being a silly school girl having fun w/ no responsibilities.
i know now why i never i want myself being in a relationship. because i'm the type of person that cares too much and to compensate i stop caring about myself. ugh, i don't know what to do anymore.
i'm going to bed. maybe i just need to stop thinking. maybe i'm not being crazy? i don't know what to do...
well in the past month i've been a little distracted w/ a certain boy. i lost track of my focus and i was just out having a blast all the time. and don't get me wrong, i've had so much fun w/ him and i love hanging out with him but about an hour ago i had a realization.
my audition is tomorrow. if i don't get into this school then i don't have a school to go to next year. i don't have my monologues memorized and my resume isn't even done. i've lost all sense of focus w/ what i need to do for this audition. this is a very important audition.
i need to take time off for me. i've been too busy with helping everyone else out, finishing school, working and hanging out with friends that i've lost what i want. i WANT to be in new york this fall. i WANT to be at Five Towns College next year. i WANT to leave this small town and be in the city. i want, i want, i want and i need to do what i need to do to achieve them.
so i'm sorry to everyone that i promised to hang out with this week but for the next 2 days, it's non-stop sarah time. i need to do this for me and this audition means the world to me. i need to re-focus my attention to my craft and stop being a silly school girl having fun w/ no responsibilities.
i know now why i never i want myself being in a relationship. because i'm the type of person that cares too much and to compensate i stop caring about myself. ugh, i don't know what to do anymore.
i'm going to bed. maybe i just need to stop thinking. maybe i'm not being crazy? i don't know what to do...