What To Expect
Last night, xiz111 gifted me with a copy of What to Expect: The First Year. Despite my pledge to avoid parenting books and despite the fact that my feminist idol Naomi Wolf despises the What to Expect series, I think I'm going to have fun with this book!
The books subsections are prefaced in the form of questions alledgedly from real parents. "My baby's head keeps rotating and she's spewing green vomit. Could my daughter be possesed?" The authors then proceed to reassure the reader that though new parents often worry about demon possession, it is in fact extremely rare and that spinny head is just one of many unseemly new infant reflexes.
I love this format! I was skimming through the questions in the newborn section and by the end, I felt so good about myself. Turns out I could be freaking out about all sorts of stuff. But I'm not. Based on the prefaces in the book, I'm in the bottom 40 percent of fretful mothers, tops!
I had to check out the chapter on sex, which the What to Expect authors euphemistically refer to as "lovemaking". The exclusive context for said "lovemaking" is between the heterosexual, pressumably married, parents of the baby. That's all well and good for me. But what about new parents who want to enjoy daliances with a fuck-buddy, same-sex partner or casual encounter?
The authors explore some of the reasons sex may dwinddle or dissapear upon arrival of baby (exhaustion, leaky boobs, post-partum body issues, lack of intimacy, etc). Again the word "normal" is bandied about with reassuring frequency. The coping strategies they suggest are interesting, however. Again, there's a strong inference that "sex" is equivalent to "intercourse". There's virtually no mention of non-penetrative sexual activity with tongues, hands, toys. That's too bad. IMHO, there's a huge range of options for sexual release and expression and new parents could benefit from learning more about that. I do like that the book sanctions cuddles, hand holding, hugs and other forms of physical contact as valid forms of intimacy, though.
Before Drama Prince came along, Drama King and I talked a fair bit about the future of our own sex lives. DK suggested and I agreed, that we not make a big deal out of how often we had sex once the baby came. If we felt like it we would, if we didn't we wouldn't. So far that's been working. Something else that's working, has been telling each other we're still turned on by the other person. Right now, we're too tired to do anything about it, but it's still nice to know.
And now, I'm off to the gym to snag an hour of "me" time!
The books subsections are prefaced in the form of questions alledgedly from real parents. "My baby's head keeps rotating and she's spewing green vomit. Could my daughter be possesed?" The authors then proceed to reassure the reader that though new parents often worry about demon possession, it is in fact extremely rare and that spinny head is just one of many unseemly new infant reflexes.
I love this format! I was skimming through the questions in the newborn section and by the end, I felt so good about myself. Turns out I could be freaking out about all sorts of stuff. But I'm not. Based on the prefaces in the book, I'm in the bottom 40 percent of fretful mothers, tops!
I had to check out the chapter on sex, which the What to Expect authors euphemistically refer to as "lovemaking". The exclusive context for said "lovemaking" is between the heterosexual, pressumably married, parents of the baby. That's all well and good for me. But what about new parents who want to enjoy daliances with a fuck-buddy, same-sex partner or casual encounter?
The authors explore some of the reasons sex may dwinddle or dissapear upon arrival of baby (exhaustion, leaky boobs, post-partum body issues, lack of intimacy, etc). Again the word "normal" is bandied about with reassuring frequency. The coping strategies they suggest are interesting, however. Again, there's a strong inference that "sex" is equivalent to "intercourse". There's virtually no mention of non-penetrative sexual activity with tongues, hands, toys. That's too bad. IMHO, there's a huge range of options for sexual release and expression and new parents could benefit from learning more about that. I do like that the book sanctions cuddles, hand holding, hugs and other forms of physical contact as valid forms of intimacy, though.
Before Drama Prince came along, Drama King and I talked a fair bit about the future of our own sex lives. DK suggested and I agreed, that we not make a big deal out of how often we had sex once the baby came. If we felt like it we would, if we didn't we wouldn't. So far that's been working. Something else that's working, has been telling each other we're still turned on by the other person. Right now, we're too tired to do anything about it, but it's still nice to know.
And now, I'm off to the gym to snag an hour of "me" time!