Jan 22, 2007 22:19
Tomorrow is going to be surreal. I wake up. I get ready. I go to class. I turn 22 while in class. 12 minutes into it to be exact. I leave class. I get in the car and drive home. I celebrate on Saturday.
There's nothing special about 22. Except being a double number, I see nothing special about the age. However, with it does come the end of my undergraduate college classes, beginning graduate courses, graduation, and final preparations for my future. This time next year (when I turn 23 on the 23rd!) I may very well be teaching on my own. That's scary.
I think this month has been the best I have felt in a really long time. I took the most amazing class and am truly dreading its end tomorrow. I got to hang out with some really cool people and made new friends. I am going to the gym 6 times a week (which will have to be put on hold until Sunday, as I am going home....) and I actually feel good about myself. As I went to the insanity that occured this weekend at two parties, I realized that my discomfort around people I don't know (and even those that I do) isn't because I feel fat. I used to think that all the time, but for the first time ever, this weekend, I just lacked social skills. Which is sad in itself, but I didn't feel fat.
Do you know how great a feeling that is? I mean I'm by no means skinny, or even close to ever being considered that. But still. This is a big step for me. I am actually feeling comfortable in my body.
Now, if I could just work on those social skills......
....and i miss the friendship i lost, or feel like i lost. we rarely talked before, but now it is like there is a void there that has no way of being filled. and it is like a forced text conversation if we get that far. i dont know why i feel this way. maybe because we were best friends for so long. or at least i considered that person my best friend. i wish i could call and sob and get everything out but i cant. i know i cant. if we talk, i will pent everything up. as usual. sorry. this has been on my mind the last few days. i dont know why......