fa la la la la la dee da!
life is pretty damn good...well not amazing, there are a few major issues i need to discuss with God, but i think he's pretty full on dealing with the other things we've talked about so i'll just let it be for a while, and then maybe take it up with him when all has quieted down.
so...college...right around the corner, huh? i know what i want to do and i have narrowed my choice of where i want to go (in case you dont already know ive narrowed it down to USC and UofA with NAU as my backup and i plan on majoring in music education) but i was thinking today as i was in praise team rehearsals that my knowledge in music, however great, is not even close to where it should be and my understanding of it all seems way beyond my capability and it kinda scared me. becasue music education is not just for the choral directors or band or guyitar teachers, its for the composers the professors, the tranposers, and even the performers. and it really scared me! it made me wonder if i can make it through! there is so much that i need to learn and so much i should already know and dont and i dont know if i can do this! ive never had these feelings. before i have always felt confident in my decision of a career, of a major, of myself and my knowledge as well as my capability to do this...but i dont know anymore and this lack of confidence and sureness in myself is really scary! hopefully i can get past this and make it, otherwise i dont know what else to do with my life.
so on to other topics of discussion with myself...friends in relation to my future. ya i might find new friends, i might keep the same friends as well, but what i know is that i shouldn't let the future affect my relationships now. Im a strong beleiver in living in the moment (even though it may not seem like that at times) and i dont feel that i should break contact with friends or just jeapordize my friendship with someone becasue of what the future MIGHT hold. (and im not saying anyone i know is doing this) i also am a strong believer in doing things for your own purpose to achieve your own goals and not someone else's! so with talk of all this college stuff among all of us i just want to say to matt (who mentioned this earlier) that Uof A is not on my list just because you and others i know are going there, i applied very early to this school becasue i know of their education program as well as their music program and how well things are there.....you attending as well as anyone else is just a plus. :D
this is kinda off topic too...but i reaized that all these stresses and issues that most of us are going through are going to be completely pointless in the future if not soon. and i just wish i could make myself see that when those situations arise, becasue its quite difficult to see the bigger picture when your concerned about details. but i have to remind myself, is all this worth the effort? Is this helping anyone? is this helping myself? And if all those questions are answered with a negative connotation then i know, it doesnt need to happen...all the stress all the drama...all the animosity...all the worry.
well this has become quite a long entry and i think i'll be off to bed now. i love you, good night and sweet dreams to all!
-peace and love-
Kristin
so...college...right around the corner, huh? i know what i want to do and i have narrowed my choice of where i want to go (in case you dont already know ive narrowed it down to USC and UofA with NAU as my backup and i plan on majoring in music education) but i was thinking today as i was in praise team rehearsals that my knowledge in music, however great, is not even close to where it should be and my understanding of it all seems way beyond my capability and it kinda scared me. becasue music education is not just for the choral directors or band or guyitar teachers, its for the composers the professors, the tranposers, and even the performers. and it really scared me! it made me wonder if i can make it through! there is so much that i need to learn and so much i should already know and dont and i dont know if i can do this! ive never had these feelings. before i have always felt confident in my decision of a career, of a major, of myself and my knowledge as well as my capability to do this...but i dont know anymore and this lack of confidence and sureness in myself is really scary! hopefully i can get past this and make it, otherwise i dont know what else to do with my life.
so on to other topics of discussion with myself...friends in relation to my future. ya i might find new friends, i might keep the same friends as well, but what i know is that i shouldn't let the future affect my relationships now. Im a strong beleiver in living in the moment (even though it may not seem like that at times) and i dont feel that i should break contact with friends or just jeapordize my friendship with someone becasue of what the future MIGHT hold. (and im not saying anyone i know is doing this) i also am a strong believer in doing things for your own purpose to achieve your own goals and not someone else's! so with talk of all this college stuff among all of us i just want to say to matt (who mentioned this earlier) that Uof A is not on my list just because you and others i know are going there, i applied very early to this school becasue i know of their education program as well as their music program and how well things are there.....you attending as well as anyone else is just a plus. :D
this is kinda off topic too...but i reaized that all these stresses and issues that most of us are going through are going to be completely pointless in the future if not soon. and i just wish i could make myself see that when those situations arise, becasue its quite difficult to see the bigger picture when your concerned about details. but i have to remind myself, is all this worth the effort? Is this helping anyone? is this helping myself? And if all those questions are answered with a negative connotation then i know, it doesnt need to happen...all the stress all the drama...all the animosity...all the worry.
well this has become quite a long entry and i think i'll be off to bed now. i love you, good night and sweet dreams to all!
-peace and love-
Kristin