Well. Fuck.
So.
Fuck. For the first time in a long time I'm glad I have this little hidden journal that I can just freeform in and not worry about a lot of people reading it. Moreover, I don't have to sit and work at an entry like I do with my other Blog on Tumblr (blackshirtandbluejeans.tumblr.com). So yeah, it definitely comes in handy when I just need to vent to the few close friends who may stumble on this from time to time.
Work has been a little more stressful than usual, and that's speaking volumes as I work at a jailhouse. Most of the stress comes from the fact that the County has to come some-odd million dollars from the budget. This will most likely lead to layoffs. Now, what really pisses me off about this is that the layoffs will be based solely upon seniority. So all the people who have been there for 33 years who just kind of refuse to retire will keep their jobs while me and the 7 people under me run the risk of getting axed. On top of that, I work my ass off to learn as much as I possibly can at my job and pester my supervisor for more training while some of these veterans have literally been deemed unable to work certain positions. Again, I go and they stay.
And, for the first time in a long time, I've developed a crush. Yeah. I 27 year old man with a fucking crush. I must be retarded. AND I can't blame it on the alcohol (like that shitty song says) because I can't drink because of this stupid psoriasis medication. I was cool being friends that just kinda hung out at the bar with our little group, but then we spend an entire day together and BOOM, suddenly I like her? How fucking stupid is that?! The kicker is we have something like 2-3 more 'dates' planned out! In advance!
But I know she doesn't like me like that. I'm apparently not her type. You know how I know this? Because she isn't afraid to tell me that she likes this guy or that guy or whatever. It's like being the gay friend minus the sodomy and fashion sense. This is where women get retarded. They say all this crap about what kind of guy they want and guess what, I match. The problem is I don't really look the part. This helps me realize how dumb this all is seeing as, in case you haven't noticed, I'm fucking awesome! Seriously, a chick who passes a guy like me up is either gay, has daddy issues, or is a child. All three I have no interest in.
But UGH! I just hate this "liking" someone bullshit. Especially when it's someone I know I don't really have a shot with. My logical mind is saying just have fun, look forward to failure, if it works it works and if it doesn't then it just doesn't. BUT I listened to WAY too much Ataris back in the day, so up comes my emo side of hoping that maybe...jjuuuuuuuust maybe she kinda has feelings for me, too. I mean, she could be telling me about these other guys just to make me jealous. And she obviously likes hanging out with just me because it happens frequently.
Maybe I need to stop being such a dork about this stuff and just kiss her. If she tosses me back, maybe I can salvage the friendship. And if not, hey, her loss. Because I am Kevin Jones and I'm Awesome.
Fuck. For the first time in a long time I'm glad I have this little hidden journal that I can just freeform in and not worry about a lot of people reading it. Moreover, I don't have to sit and work at an entry like I do with my other Blog on Tumblr (blackshirtandbluejeans.tumblr.com). So yeah, it definitely comes in handy when I just need to vent to the few close friends who may stumble on this from time to time.
Work has been a little more stressful than usual, and that's speaking volumes as I work at a jailhouse. Most of the stress comes from the fact that the County has to come some-odd million dollars from the budget. This will most likely lead to layoffs. Now, what really pisses me off about this is that the layoffs will be based solely upon seniority. So all the people who have been there for 33 years who just kind of refuse to retire will keep their jobs while me and the 7 people under me run the risk of getting axed. On top of that, I work my ass off to learn as much as I possibly can at my job and pester my supervisor for more training while some of these veterans have literally been deemed unable to work certain positions. Again, I go and they stay.
And, for the first time in a long time, I've developed a crush. Yeah. I 27 year old man with a fucking crush. I must be retarded. AND I can't blame it on the alcohol (like that shitty song says) because I can't drink because of this stupid psoriasis medication. I was cool being friends that just kinda hung out at the bar with our little group, but then we spend an entire day together and BOOM, suddenly I like her? How fucking stupid is that?! The kicker is we have something like 2-3 more 'dates' planned out! In advance!
But I know she doesn't like me like that. I'm apparently not her type. You know how I know this? Because she isn't afraid to tell me that she likes this guy or that guy or whatever. It's like being the gay friend minus the sodomy and fashion sense. This is where women get retarded. They say all this crap about what kind of guy they want and guess what, I match. The problem is I don't really look the part. This helps me realize how dumb this all is seeing as, in case you haven't noticed, I'm fucking awesome! Seriously, a chick who passes a guy like me up is either gay, has daddy issues, or is a child. All three I have no interest in.
But UGH! I just hate this "liking" someone bullshit. Especially when it's someone I know I don't really have a shot with. My logical mind is saying just have fun, look forward to failure, if it works it works and if it doesn't then it just doesn't. BUT I listened to WAY too much Ataris back in the day, so up comes my emo side of hoping that maybe...jjuuuuuuuust maybe she kinda has feelings for me, too. I mean, she could be telling me about these other guys just to make me jealous. And she obviously likes hanging out with just me because it happens frequently.
Maybe I need to stop being such a dork about this stuff and just kiss her. If she tosses me back, maybe I can salvage the friendship. And if not, hey, her loss. Because I am Kevin Jones and I'm Awesome.