A scattering of thoughts
I feel the need to sort of recap this past year, expecially recent thoughts/experiences.
I have experienced so many new things this year: first time living on my own, first time having enough free-time to sit down and eat dinner on a regular basis, skinny dipping in the ocean, being offered drugs and having open conversations about marijuana use, my first random make-out session with someone I had no intention of dating, first time smoking hookah(successfully making smoke rings might I add),college parties, car accident in the middle of nowhere, first unorganized-teen road trip and the list goes on and on. Some of these experiences were beyond amazing, while others were some of the worst situations I've ever been in. However, I learned a lot about myself from each of them.
Have I changed over the course of this year?
I think to a certain extent I have. In a broad sense, though, I believe that I am most certainly the same person as the one who left Lewiston around 9 months ago. I have become more independent and more open-minded. I use to be rather judgemental, so over the past few years, I've been working on accepting people's faults and concentrating on their center core of goodness. I try very hard never to write a person off completely becuase I belief that people have a real ability to change and improve themselves. I use to take a far harsher look on people who drink or partake in drugs. My experiences this year have only strengthened my belief that getting stumbling drunk is stupid, but I've stopped looking down on people who choose to occassionally drink to excess.
One of the main reasons that I chose to go to SOU was because I really wanted to seperate myself from my standing as the dependent child of three households. I have always needed and had access to so much parental help, that I just wanted to break free of that situation. Throughout my whole life I have constantly been told what to do, how to do it, and required to ask before I go off to do anything. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents dearly and thank them for always doing their best by me, but I needed to move on past that point in my life. I've got to say that I haven't been looking forward to moving back into my parents' houses for the summer. I'm afraid that I'm really going to chafe under their authority. It's dang difficult to go from staying over at friend's rooms at 4:00 AM on a whim, to having to give my parents a call to let them know if I'll be getting home an hour late.
I recognize that this last term, I hit the lowest point that I've ever reached in the course of my charmed life. I was glad to learn during this time period that even in the midst of extreme dissapointment, frustration, and shame, I was still able to frequently see the joys and blessings that life always has to offer if one is willing to look for them.
Thankfully, when looking back over my year, I can say with confidence that I made the right choice when I deciced to attend SOU. The friends I made and the opportunities that I had in Ashland will impact me for the rest of my life. The part that really stinks though is the fact that I didn't get into Acting 2. This failure hit very hard both to my ego and to my plans for the future. I was pretty darn confident that I would get in the acting series of classes since I had always gotten such good feed back during Acting 1. I still know that I am good enough and determined enough to succeed in the SOU program, but I don't know if I'm going to be given the chance. I now only have one more chance to audition for Acting 2 next spring. If I don't get in that time, I don't quite know what I'm going to do because I won't be able to get the training I need at SOU.
So guess what I'm doing now........
I'M GOING TO SPAIN!!!!
Yep, I'm going to Segovia, Spain for fall term. It should be an absolutely amazing three months. That is if all this stupid visa and passport junk can get worked out. The last few weeks of school after the fatal acting 2 list was posted, I was a whirlwind of activity in my attempt to get two months worth of planning done in just a few weeks. I prayed like crazy before my audition that God would make sure that whatever was best for me, would be what happened. I really wish that this wasn't they way things worked out, because I really wanted to go to Spain my junior year, but oh well. Here's hoping that God knows what he's doing and that I'm following his directions correctly. For example,I chose to take it as a good sign that the Segovia study abroad program application deadline had randomly been extended. If it hadn't been, I would have been up a creek without a paddle or acting class or Spain. I have always known that I needed to go to Europe someday and this is a perfect opportunity. I'm going to be living with a Segovian family, taking art history/culture classes in Spanish and almost finishing my entire Spanish minor in the course of a single term. I can't wait to be fluent in Spanish, although I've got a lot of work ahead of me before that happens.
I've got a few more personal thoughts to write about sometime soon, but I think that I'm done for tonight. To all you wonderful people out theree, my message for you personally is "I love you and want to hang out with you ASAP."
I have experienced so many new things this year: first time living on my own, first time having enough free-time to sit down and eat dinner on a regular basis, skinny dipping in the ocean, being offered drugs and having open conversations about marijuana use, my first random make-out session with someone I had no intention of dating, first time smoking hookah(successfully making smoke rings might I add),college parties, car accident in the middle of nowhere, first unorganized-teen road trip and the list goes on and on. Some of these experiences were beyond amazing, while others were some of the worst situations I've ever been in. However, I learned a lot about myself from each of them.
Have I changed over the course of this year?
I think to a certain extent I have. In a broad sense, though, I believe that I am most certainly the same person as the one who left Lewiston around 9 months ago. I have become more independent and more open-minded. I use to be rather judgemental, so over the past few years, I've been working on accepting people's faults and concentrating on their center core of goodness. I try very hard never to write a person off completely becuase I belief that people have a real ability to change and improve themselves. I use to take a far harsher look on people who drink or partake in drugs. My experiences this year have only strengthened my belief that getting stumbling drunk is stupid, but I've stopped looking down on people who choose to occassionally drink to excess.
One of the main reasons that I chose to go to SOU was because I really wanted to seperate myself from my standing as the dependent child of three households. I have always needed and had access to so much parental help, that I just wanted to break free of that situation. Throughout my whole life I have constantly been told what to do, how to do it, and required to ask before I go off to do anything. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents dearly and thank them for always doing their best by me, but I needed to move on past that point in my life. I've got to say that I haven't been looking forward to moving back into my parents' houses for the summer. I'm afraid that I'm really going to chafe under their authority. It's dang difficult to go from staying over at friend's rooms at 4:00 AM on a whim, to having to give my parents a call to let them know if I'll be getting home an hour late.
I recognize that this last term, I hit the lowest point that I've ever reached in the course of my charmed life. I was glad to learn during this time period that even in the midst of extreme dissapointment, frustration, and shame, I was still able to frequently see the joys and blessings that life always has to offer if one is willing to look for them.
Thankfully, when looking back over my year, I can say with confidence that I made the right choice when I deciced to attend SOU. The friends I made and the opportunities that I had in Ashland will impact me for the rest of my life. The part that really stinks though is the fact that I didn't get into Acting 2. This failure hit very hard both to my ego and to my plans for the future. I was pretty darn confident that I would get in the acting series of classes since I had always gotten such good feed back during Acting 1. I still know that I am good enough and determined enough to succeed in the SOU program, but I don't know if I'm going to be given the chance. I now only have one more chance to audition for Acting 2 next spring. If I don't get in that time, I don't quite know what I'm going to do because I won't be able to get the training I need at SOU.
So guess what I'm doing now........
I'M GOING TO SPAIN!!!!
Yep, I'm going to Segovia, Spain for fall term. It should be an absolutely amazing three months. That is if all this stupid visa and passport junk can get worked out. The last few weeks of school after the fatal acting 2 list was posted, I was a whirlwind of activity in my attempt to get two months worth of planning done in just a few weeks. I prayed like crazy before my audition that God would make sure that whatever was best for me, would be what happened. I really wish that this wasn't they way things worked out, because I really wanted to go to Spain my junior year, but oh well. Here's hoping that God knows what he's doing and that I'm following his directions correctly. For example,I chose to take it as a good sign that the Segovia study abroad program application deadline had randomly been extended. If it hadn't been, I would have been up a creek without a paddle or acting class or Spain. I have always known that I needed to go to Europe someday and this is a perfect opportunity. I'm going to be living with a Segovian family, taking art history/culture classes in Spanish and almost finishing my entire Spanish minor in the course of a single term. I can't wait to be fluent in Spanish, although I've got a lot of work ahead of me before that happens.
I've got a few more personal thoughts to write about sometime soon, but I think that I'm done for tonight. To all you wonderful people out theree, my message for you personally is "I love you and want to hang out with you ASAP."