17; dirty little secrets; evil evil evil; all your fourth wall are belong to me

[sandinmyboots]

[It's a huge cave full of lava. And rocks. And roads. And soldiers looking miserable in their armor. And Kefka, who hasn't ditched his ridiculous outfit despite it having more layers than pound cake, whose mere presence is terrifying all the soldiers into huddling together.]Soldiers! We've got reports that people are blurting out dark secrets, so

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[sandinmyboots]

...I graduated from military school at the top of my class. I made it to the equivalent rank of a general when I was 32. I'm well versed in the history of Woolsey, what little we have of it, and I can tell you in detail about the evolution of politics that has lead to the current state of affairs. Though I live in an imperialistic, fascist state, I'm well aware of the cruelties of imperialism and the inherent unfairness of the strictness of our laws.

The problem isn't that I don't know law and societal structure. The thing is: I don't care. I. Don't. Care! [He slams his hand against the screen.] Life's not fair, and death is inevitable. Why not at my hands, a swift death in flame, than a lingering death by age or poison?

[Beat. Kefka leans in, his face twisting to a bitter rage.] Ha! The virus compels me; that's a lie! In this fog of grey that I live in, screams are the only color to it. Pleasure is a scant thing; I'll steal it in breaking bones and withering flesh, giving back what life's dealt me. I'm selfish and cruel and miserable; what what good villain isn't? What is it that Iago says? "There is a beauty in life that makes me ugly." I can't stand this stupid, flimsy thing, the lie of hope and dreams when they are but shadows in a cave cast by Cthulu--

I don't know what our afterlife is like. Whether it has a heaven and a hell, or if it reincarnates, or whether souls fade to nothing when they leave the Phantom Train, or if it's all a facade and we're nothing but 1s and 0s in a Super Nintendo somewhere. But I am--tormented--at the thought of them having peace from me. And when I die, as all things die, it will tear me to pieces like it's doing now. At these happy, little lives that other people have. Is that a satisfactory punishment, Doctor? Will you enjoy my suffering when I die?

[sotobas_lot]

[Even if he's unspeakably far away, the fact that perhaps he can teleport in at a whim makes that face terrifying. A part of him wants to just fail to respond completely, to leave it at that, that he's a monster and that they both agree to it. Fortunately or unfortunately, the internet makes a person more prone to spilling out whatever is on their mind with little restraint.]

That's more than imperialism, that's outright sadism! If you want to act out some nihilistic whim, settle for taking it out on yourself! But you, you're so messed up that you're not even afraid of death or pain or any of what's making you so damned miserable?! The thing that gets to you is that you'll stop making other people suffer when you're gone?! That isn't a villain, that's a monster! A God damned monster!

I'm not like you, I'm not going to enjoy the idea of your suffering, but every single person on every single world will be better off when you and your sick idea of life and pleasure are dead and gone!

warning for readers: discussion of suicide

[sandinmyboots]

Advocating suicide, doctor? Am I so low that my life is not worth it?

[Kefka mimics a gun with his fingers and puts it to his temple.]

I did it, once. A few scant months after the when I was that the community has been showing. Still indecisive on whether to embrace this monstrosity I had become or not. It turns out that with the amount of magic in my body, I'm capable of metabolizing poison as easily as I eat strawberries. And with the fuss that the Empire made after that happened...they wouldn't let me die. [He pulls the fictional trigger, rolling his head around.] I'm still useful, even if as a corpse that still breathes. They'd pump me full of phoenix downs and potions and create an army from my body.

Or maybe my memory is lying to me. [And he leans in closer, gritting his teeth in a mockery of a smile.] The rest of my body is turning against me: I can barely taste anymore; injuries that would kill others heal up in days, even without potions; I'm hungry and I eat and eat and eat and I'm still frail enough to be a kite in the wind. Maybe my mind is going, too, and the only thing I have left is my hate.

Doctor... [Kefka is shaking, now, a quiver at his shoulders, because this isn't a Thing he talks about and he usually keeps this bottled up, because it's dangerous to say these things out loud. To admit that his happiness is in the death of everything, to admit being miserable, to admit such a stupid death wish.] I can't die yet. I have to get rid of all these miserable little lives so that I rest peacefully. Or for fun. Maybe I get in these fights so that someone will put me down.

Because it's not an idea. This is my reality, Doctor, and whether it's fiction or not, I'm still living it!

[sotobas_lot]

They won't let you die, so you have to kill them? That's bullshit! If you're something that powerful and indispensable, you have bargaining power! But you're letting yourself be used to destroy... no, you're fucking happy with that destruction! You might be insane, but you can't tell me you don't even have any lick of rationality left in you! You've got to know how stupid it is to spend so much energy trying to get somebody else to bring you down! Just... go die somewhere without leaving a body to even revive! Or target those people who have the same inhumane, violent goals you do who'd keep bringing you back as their weapon! The sick bastards who decided to put you in any kind of power over people in this state! You have options besides this! But you like this! That's the reality you're living! The one you're choosing!

[sandinmyboots]

You misunderstand. I'm not killing them. Waste of time, there'd only be more. That comes later, when I'm capable of wiping them out in one shot. I just have to get stronger now...

You've never been to war, have you? You've never seen what humans are capable of...great goods and great evils. So, to get rid of everyone with inhumane, violent goals, I'd have to get rid of everyone. Likewise if I got rid of all the good people. They all could do it.

Sorry for the delay; back from hiatus now.

[sotobas_lot]

Don't try some kind of relativist bullshit on me! Humans are capable of all sorts of things, great things and disgusting things! But there's an instinct to protect each other from the greater evils. We're a social animal! We encourage the great goods, and we discourage great evils! Just because there are two extremes doesn't mean there's no middle ground, or that it makes any sense to treat one extreme the same way as the other!

[sandinmyboots]

Fine, then. I'll do it because I want to. How's that?