Hi, hello, hallo, hillo!
[A video post!
Opening with five seconds of white noise and feed-back screeches, quickly followed by the clunks of clumsy hands pulling cables in and out in an attempt to fix the problem. Once the audio and video cables had been switched-into their correct positions- a hideous face appears. Huge fish lips, little pig nose and wide eyes, betraying no sign of intelligence. The face takes up the entire screen, but once Suguru realised that his camera was now working, he backed up. Now showing his entire body, it appears that the name Kinnikuman is well deserved, his body being covered in incredible muscles.]
Hi-hi-hi everyone! I am the great hero, Kinnikuman, the saviour of justice and greatest warrior of all time! I’m sure that you know all about me, but I’ve decided to talk to my adoring public- I’m going to tell my fans some mysterious secrets about me. My favourite food is Gyuudon! My blood type is B! Sometimes I dream of marshmallows and my pillow vanishes! But, here is the most amazing secret not even I knew until today-
My real name is Kinniku Suguru, and I am the prince of a far away planet named Kinniku Planet! AWAHAHAH! I always knew there was something amazing and special about me, but now I know exactly what it is.
The guy who told me about being a prince also said that some pig had taken over the planet, but I don’t care. Any planet that lame doesn’t deserve to be saved by a guy as brilliant as me. Besides, I won a beautiful victory (as always) to let me stay on Earth, so it’s their own fault for being so weak. They even said that they wanted to train me, awahaah, when they can’t even beat a pig. What losers. And that little kid who told me everything is hanging around my house…He’s really cute, but creepy. Like a panda, with their sinister black rings, like they’re up to something. Anyone else think pandas are up to something?
[Whilst awaiting responses, Suguru cycles through a number of muscle building poses. He also shows a number of newspaper clippings-all showing giant monsters being defeated by Kinnikuman. Those with sharp eyes could easily see that, in fact, Kinnkuman's picture had been taped over the real hero of the day.]