(no subject)
So I find myself at a bit of a crossroads. It is a situation that isn't even a situation yet, and to my current knowledge doesn't even have much potential to become a situation. But alas I stress and over analyse as is my way of doing things. Why are situations like this the one thing I cant get a glimpse of? Its very aggrivating. But anyways... enough about that. So my sister had a breakdown last night. She is horribly worried that she is going to lose her boyfriend. Not because things are going badly between them, she just thinks she isn't good enough for him (something I can relate to, never feeling as though I quite deserve a guy I'm interested in). But for her its a long distance relationship so its hard. *sigh* hopefully she will overcome. And as far as my not thinking I deserve a guy, its not so much a self esteem issue. I am satisfied with who and what I am. A guy can accept me for that or move on. But if and when I meet someone who of the class I like to call "incredible" my reaction is always "how in the hell did I manage to snag this one?" Not like this has happened an abundance of times... in fact its been quite a while but still that feeling comes back. I honestly just wish I could find that one mature, balanced individual who was looking for something more than just a fling. Not saying I want an insta-commitment from someone. I would just like to meet a guy who would at least acknowledge that as a possibility. Is that too much to ask? Wow... I just threw myself a little pity party there didn't I? Have half a mind to erase all that, but I typed it stream of thought so it might as well stay, this is a journal after all thats what its for. I am finally happy by myself, happy for myself rather. Which is great, I don't NEED a man to complete me, but it sure would be nice to have one walk beside me, to lean on when times got rough and to hold them up when they needed it. I am confident I will find this man and find him in the timing that it should be. No sense in trying to rush the way of things, you just end up getting burnt. So... whatever karma has in store for me, I'm ready. Lay it on me...