gruh
the whole "spring break being able to end" thing is really bullshit. I have zero momentum and even less reason to feel excited about most of the work I have to do for this semester
my apartment was a total fucking pigsty when I got back: food waste, empty bottles everywhere, sink full of dirty dishes. all three of my roommates, including the alleged neatfreak, spent the majority of the break here, and they chose to let it get that filthy! I'm always the maid and it sucks because no one I live with seems to care at all.
to add to the whole Cinderella thing I've been feeling this whole year, the salt on the wound is that EVERYONE LOVES GRETCHEN, the dirtiest and most narcissistic human I've ever met. They don't know this about her, so they think she's pretty and such a hard-worker, so you go, gretchen! messages on our whiteboard appear all the time just saying "WE LOVE YOU, GRETCHEN!" "YOU'RE THE BEST, GRETCHEN!" in different handwritings. this bitch basically has a fan club, and since she "apologized" (I guess) for using our other roommate as a placeholder in her vagina for her ex-boyfriend, she hasn't even bothered to give a shit about me at all. So how's it s'posed to feel when I rid the apartment of all refuse (a trash heap, by the way, I did not help create) and as I'm schlepping the recycling bin back to our apartment I see her getting written attention outside our door from god knows who? What'd she do to deserve it? Why don't I?
On a slightly related note, I was trying to run a meeting yesterday. I'm sick as fuck, sicker than I've been in a while, so my throat was all raspy, but still my "friends" kept on interrupting me. interrupting is a pet peeve of mine, and i'm sure none of them meant anything by it, but seriously what the fuck am I, chop liver?
I've always kept people at college at arm's length, and I seem to orbit various social circles. if I linger, I could attempt at a real connection and fail. so I move in and out of conversations, never stay long at parties, and if I hear all three of my roommates hanging out in the living room I will only sometimes come out and say hi. So is my less-than-always-absolutely-social behavior leaving my "friends" with less reason to like/appreciate/respect me? Am I reading far too much into everything?
(the answer to that last one is yes.)
But seriously I'm feeling mega unloved and I'm not getting attention or appreciation and I'm also hella sick and not getting taken care of so I feel pretty isolated. it doesn't help that Molly totally decided to flake out on living with me next year without so much as a word to me- I had to ask her about it when she posted a picture of Sam holding a rental agreement :/ I get it if you wanna live with your boyfriend, but man, we had plans. Talk about leaving me high and dry. I didn't have a plan B.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE LIKE ME WHEN THEY DON'T ACT LIKE IT.
I have homework and I do not want to do it
I am sick of school and want to go back home
or at least back to bed
bed would do for a while.
my apartment was a total fucking pigsty when I got back: food waste, empty bottles everywhere, sink full of dirty dishes. all three of my roommates, including the alleged neatfreak, spent the majority of the break here, and they chose to let it get that filthy! I'm always the maid and it sucks because no one I live with seems to care at all.
to add to the whole Cinderella thing I've been feeling this whole year, the salt on the wound is that EVERYONE LOVES GRETCHEN, the dirtiest and most narcissistic human I've ever met. They don't know this about her, so they think she's pretty and such a hard-worker, so you go, gretchen! messages on our whiteboard appear all the time just saying "WE LOVE YOU, GRETCHEN!" "YOU'RE THE BEST, GRETCHEN!" in different handwritings. this bitch basically has a fan club, and since she "apologized" (I guess) for using our other roommate as a placeholder in her vagina for her ex-boyfriend, she hasn't even bothered to give a shit about me at all. So how's it s'posed to feel when I rid the apartment of all refuse (a trash heap, by the way, I did not help create) and as I'm schlepping the recycling bin back to our apartment I see her getting written attention outside our door from god knows who? What'd she do to deserve it? Why don't I?
On a slightly related note, I was trying to run a meeting yesterday. I'm sick as fuck, sicker than I've been in a while, so my throat was all raspy, but still my "friends" kept on interrupting me. interrupting is a pet peeve of mine, and i'm sure none of them meant anything by it, but seriously what the fuck am I, chop liver?
I've always kept people at college at arm's length, and I seem to orbit various social circles. if I linger, I could attempt at a real connection and fail. so I move in and out of conversations, never stay long at parties, and if I hear all three of my roommates hanging out in the living room I will only sometimes come out and say hi. So is my less-than-always-absolutely-social behavior leaving my "friends" with less reason to like/appreciate/respect me? Am I reading far too much into everything?
(the answer to that last one is yes.)
But seriously I'm feeling mega unloved and I'm not getting attention or appreciation and I'm also hella sick and not getting taken care of so I feel pretty isolated. it doesn't help that Molly totally decided to flake out on living with me next year without so much as a word to me- I had to ask her about it when she posted a picture of Sam holding a rental agreement :/ I get it if you wanna live with your boyfriend, but man, we had plans. Talk about leaving me high and dry. I didn't have a plan B.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE LIKE ME WHEN THEY DON'T ACT LIKE IT.
I have homework and I do not want to do it
I am sick of school and want to go back home
or at least back to bed
bed would do for a while.