emergency room and disapointments
monday. so i went and uploaded my essay at grammas and than went to work. they were paintin the office so me and the babies stayed in the toy room. josh wanted me to do hw w/ him but jenny said no. idk y tho. alexa went over lexi's house. i fed the babies and put their pj's on. i played w/ josh a lil while. noah was a mess today. he must've fell flat on his face like 4 times. poor thing. nancy came home around 710. she saidok c ya tomorrow and i was like i thought i was workin wednesay and thursday. she asked what the calendar said and i said mon wed thurs. she asked jenny and jenny said yea tuesday was blank. so she asked if i was busy tomorro and i said that i was suppossed to watch my cousins but i would see if anyone else could watch them and i would call her when i got home. she said ok sorry about that and thank u. so i left. i was like so happy today b /c over the weekend i thought things b/t me an djohn were gonna b back to normal. it was just lil things that made it seem that way. like durin the sex it wasn't all about him this time...it was all about me. sunday he cuddled w/ me all day at brians and than at nite he actually invited me to watch him play basketball. these are all the things that made me think we were gonna go back to normal. so i was soo excited. i called him when i got to rt 9 but his mom said he went to the mall but he would b back soon. i thought wow mayb he's buyin me a present but than i said to myself dont get ur hopes up for a present..mayb he was just lookin for a video game. so i got home and ate perogies and went in my room. john called around 830. i asked what he did at the mall and he said just walked around and i said alone and he said no he went w/ john. i said o. than he said he was gonna go eat dinner and take a shower. he asked what i was doin tonite and i said i guess nothin. he said y and i said well i figured i was watchin wrestlin w/ u since thats how its always been. and he said that here i go again complainin about not hangin out. i said forget it john i didnt say anything. i thought things were goin back to normal but they're obv not. we watch wrestling together every monday for 2.5 years. and he said wow i get a hard time for wantin to watch wrestling alone. y doesn't he ever fuckin understand anyone's feelings but his own. when u love someone ur suppossed to take their heart above ur own. but than again its been 4 months and i still havent heard those words once. so y should i expect him to b the same guy that loved me when he obv doens't love me?? so w/e. i went and finished my hw. i was done at 930. i tried callinjohn..it was busy for like 20 min. i finally got thru and his mom said he was in the shower. he calledback like 5 sec later. i asked if he wanted to hang out for a lil while and he said he was watchin wrestlin and goin to bed b/c he had to get up at 8 for work. is aid i have to get up early too. he said yea but i have to work. i guess goin to the gym and babysittin isn't hard work for him but sittin online and washin cars is. o yea i forgot to add that he went on my s/n while at the lawyers house. the kid who wont let me look thru any of his shit and when i ask questions either doesn't answer me or says its none of my business. he just goes on my s/n. once again w/o evne fuckin askin. so anyways..i tried talkin to him about how he was makin me feel and he was like omg im watchin wrestling. wow i see how just important i am. i went in my room and went to bed.
tuesday. woke up around 8. i was gonna go to the gym at 830 but i figured i would just go at 930. so i went ot the bathroom and started my hw. amazin...had to keep goin to the bathroom. but it was odd...i kept seein blood on the toilet paper. at 9 when i had gone to the bathroom for the 4th time and there was still blood i called mom and told her i was peein blood. she told me to get dressed that she would b rite there and that we were goin to the er. so i got dressed adn we went. waitin til like 11. the doctor came in for like 5 sec and said it was a bladder infection. sorry but a bladder infection doesn't make me bleed. and if it was that severe than y did i just get it over nite?? my back was in intense pain and my lower belly hurt. so mom said she woudl call dr. lau for a second opinion. i mean my pee looked like dark iced tea. it was horrible. so we got home and she called dr. lau. i got an appt for 1. mom called work and fuckin debbie said she had to come back to work. so now i had to go to the doc alone. i mean i dont mind but like if something is wrong i dont wanna b there alone. but o wells. so i called nancy and told her that idk if i was gonna b able to make it and she said not to worry to do what i gotta do. so i made something to eat, took a shower and than went to dr. lau. basically all she did was call the hospital for my test results. i have a bladder and kidny infection. she gave me a prescription. i went and got gas and than went to the bank to tell mom. she said i could stay home from work if i wanted. i saidok but to call and ask if shayne wants to see mean girls at 445. she called and she said yea he wants to go. so i went to rite aid and dropped off my medicine and went home and watched tv. nancy and the boys got here at the same time mom did 415. huck chased poor logan down the hall. he was screamin. poor thing. o yea i called john twice and left 2 messages....1 that i went to the er and now i had to go to the doc and mayb get tests done on me b/c i was peein blood and 2. that the doc said i had a kidney and bladder infection but i was still in intense pain. me and shayne left for the movies. it was good. i thought mayb shayne was too young for some of the things but o wells. i spent all my money there. went got home around 645. logan stole the popcorn. i had 3 missed calls on my cell. john and john m. i called john back and his mom said he was playin bball but she woudl tell him i called. ok. logan wanted to hold huck so i put huck on his lap but he squished him so huck had to get down. it was so cute tho. we drove them home and than came back. no calls. me and mom got ready for one tree hill. the phone rang like 4 min to 9. it was john. i asked who he played ball w/ and he said he just drove around the courts until he found ppl playin. he went to play by evergreen/wawa. i asked if he had gotten mymessages and he said no he just knew i had called. so his mom got the messages and didnt even tell him what was goin on. sweet. so i said they were important messages. he didn't say anything. amazing. so we hung up. he called bakc and said u did it again. i was like what did i do again and he was like ud idnt say bye and i was like yea i did and i had. i said it first. and i said ur not even gonna listen to the messages are u. and he said that his mom said something about my back bein ok. yea that sounds almost like the messages i left. rite. fuckin amazin how concerned he is that he doesn't even listen to them. so i said no i was in the er this mornin and than the doc this afternoon. he said y. i said b/c im peein out blood. he asked what was wrong and i asid suppossedly a bladder and kidney infection. he asked if i was still peein blood and i said ye but it was worse in the mroning and my back and stomach are killin me. he said ok he was gonna go eat and shower. i said so ur not gonna ask how i am or even come visit me. i said everytime i was sick u would b here for me. he said he would call me when he was done. he called around 940. he said that john said he never called. ok than im makinit up. hsi number came up on my cell so its not like im just guessin it was him. but w/e. he said ok he was gonna get goin. i said thats all u called for and he said yea. he said u didn't call me all day. i aid yea i left those 2 messages andi called u back at 645ish. so his mom didn't even fuckin tell him i had called him back. i swear its sweet that my messages dont get told to him. he said o. i said so ur not even gonna ask me how im feeling or ocme visit me. he said that i said i was fine. i said no i didnt i said the doc said i was fine. and he said no u said u were feelin better that u felt worse in teh mornin and i said no i said the bleedin was worse in the mornin but i was still in a lot of pain. he said o. and i said whenever i was sick u would b by my side no matter what...and he said u have ur mom. amazin rite. i fuckin had to go to the er and he still doesn't show any fuckin care. so i siad w/e and we hung up. he's def not my john anymore. in hs whenever i was sick i would call him at 630 am and he would get a ride over and lay w/ me all day. i never had to argue or even ask...as soon as i said i was sick he would say okill b over. he would make me lunch and just lay w/ me all day. thats the john i fell in love w/..not the one who cant b bothered. so i finished watchin one tree hill and went to bed.
wednesday...so today i slept til 10. i looked at the gym schedule and im gonna go for 2 classes..one at 4 and one at 5. i thought about the john situation. i thought about saturday nite how he had hung out w/ becky. and i figured that if i was to hang out w/ leo or kenny he would thro a fuckin fit. and that im gonna say shit to him sometime about all this shit. since i cant seem to talk to him i guess ill b reduced to letter writin again. its pathetic. so i ate breakfast and did laundry and came online. i had an email from an unknown name. it was from john at the lawyer's house. he was pissed b/c i changed my password. he said "so i dont hang out w/ u last nite so u go and change ur password. nice..i wanted to go look at the messageboard. ill just talk to u whenever. dont reply to this name its not mine". nice rite?? what does he expect?? to treat me like garbage and ill just hand him everything he wants?? im done playin that game. and he doesn't just go on the message...he goes thru all my shit but wont let me go thru his shit. and he doesn't even ask which is the most disrespectful thing ever. if he wants to go on tahn 1. fuckin ask and 2. dont go thru my shit when u dont let me go thru urs. i cant even look thru his fuckin wallet. so w/e. im doin my normal online stuff. i have to pay my mom's bills online. im goin to the gym around 330ish. if i have time im gonna go tanning. mom's makin tacos for dinner around 6ish. and around 730ish im goin to play pool w/ sean. i have to write that note to john since its so fuckin obv i cant even talk to him. and thats my plans for today. as of rite now im not peein blood anymore but it mite take a while b/c it took til the 2nd or 3rd time of me peein yesterday for blood to start comin out. i still need to find a second job. im so fuckin poor. john still owes me $11. hopefully i will b gettin that soon.
tuesday. woke up around 8. i was gonna go to the gym at 830 but i figured i would just go at 930. so i went ot the bathroom and started my hw. amazin...had to keep goin to the bathroom. but it was odd...i kept seein blood on the toilet paper. at 9 when i had gone to the bathroom for the 4th time and there was still blood i called mom and told her i was peein blood. she told me to get dressed that she would b rite there and that we were goin to the er. so i got dressed adn we went. waitin til like 11. the doctor came in for like 5 sec and said it was a bladder infection. sorry but a bladder infection doesn't make me bleed. and if it was that severe than y did i just get it over nite?? my back was in intense pain and my lower belly hurt. so mom said she woudl call dr. lau for a second opinion. i mean my pee looked like dark iced tea. it was horrible. so we got home and she called dr. lau. i got an appt for 1. mom called work and fuckin debbie said she had to come back to work. so now i had to go to the doc alone. i mean i dont mind but like if something is wrong i dont wanna b there alone. but o wells. so i called nancy and told her that idk if i was gonna b able to make it and she said not to worry to do what i gotta do. so i made something to eat, took a shower and than went to dr. lau. basically all she did was call the hospital for my test results. i have a bladder and kidny infection. she gave me a prescription. i went and got gas and than went to the bank to tell mom. she said i could stay home from work if i wanted. i saidok but to call and ask if shayne wants to see mean girls at 445. she called and she said yea he wants to go. so i went to rite aid and dropped off my medicine and went home and watched tv. nancy and the boys got here at the same time mom did 415. huck chased poor logan down the hall. he was screamin. poor thing. o yea i called john twice and left 2 messages....1 that i went to the er and now i had to go to the doc and mayb get tests done on me b/c i was peein blood and 2. that the doc said i had a kidney and bladder infection but i was still in intense pain. me and shayne left for the movies. it was good. i thought mayb shayne was too young for some of the things but o wells. i spent all my money there. went got home around 645. logan stole the popcorn. i had 3 missed calls on my cell. john and john m. i called john back and his mom said he was playin bball but she woudl tell him i called. ok. logan wanted to hold huck so i put huck on his lap but he squished him so huck had to get down. it was so cute tho. we drove them home and than came back. no calls. me and mom got ready for one tree hill. the phone rang like 4 min to 9. it was john. i asked who he played ball w/ and he said he just drove around the courts until he found ppl playin. he went to play by evergreen/wawa. i asked if he had gotten mymessages and he said no he just knew i had called. so his mom got the messages and didnt even tell him what was goin on. sweet. so i said they were important messages. he didn't say anything. amazing. so we hung up. he called bakc and said u did it again. i was like what did i do again and he was like ud idnt say bye and i was like yea i did and i had. i said it first. and i said ur not even gonna listen to the messages are u. and he said that his mom said something about my back bein ok. yea that sounds almost like the messages i left. rite. fuckin amazin how concerned he is that he doesn't even listen to them. so i said no i was in the er this mornin and than the doc this afternoon. he said y. i said b/c im peein out blood. he asked what was wrong and i asid suppossedly a bladder and kidney infection. he asked if i was still peein blood and i said ye but it was worse in the mroning and my back and stomach are killin me. he said ok he was gonna go eat and shower. i said so ur not gonna ask how i am or even come visit me. i said everytime i was sick u would b here for me. he said he would call me when he was done. he called around 940. he said that john said he never called. ok than im makinit up. hsi number came up on my cell so its not like im just guessin it was him. but w/e. he said ok he was gonna get goin. i said thats all u called for and he said yea. he said u didn't call me all day. i aid yea i left those 2 messages andi called u back at 645ish. so his mom didn't even fuckin tell him i had called him back. i swear its sweet that my messages dont get told to him. he said o. i said so ur not even gonna ask me how im feeling or ocme visit me. he said that i said i was fine. i said no i didnt i said the doc said i was fine. and he said no u said u were feelin better that u felt worse in teh mornin and i said no i said the bleedin was worse in the mornin but i was still in a lot of pain. he said o. and i said whenever i was sick u would b by my side no matter what...and he said u have ur mom. amazin rite. i fuckin had to go to the er and he still doesn't show any fuckin care. so i siad w/e and we hung up. he's def not my john anymore. in hs whenever i was sick i would call him at 630 am and he would get a ride over and lay w/ me all day. i never had to argue or even ask...as soon as i said i was sick he would say okill b over. he would make me lunch and just lay w/ me all day. thats the john i fell in love w/..not the one who cant b bothered. so i finished watchin one tree hill and went to bed.
wednesday...so today i slept til 10. i looked at the gym schedule and im gonna go for 2 classes..one at 4 and one at 5. i thought about the john situation. i thought about saturday nite how he had hung out w/ becky. and i figured that if i was to hang out w/ leo or kenny he would thro a fuckin fit. and that im gonna say shit to him sometime about all this shit. since i cant seem to talk to him i guess ill b reduced to letter writin again. its pathetic. so i ate breakfast and did laundry and came online. i had an email from an unknown name. it was from john at the lawyer's house. he was pissed b/c i changed my password. he said "so i dont hang out w/ u last nite so u go and change ur password. nice..i wanted to go look at the messageboard. ill just talk to u whenever. dont reply to this name its not mine". nice rite?? what does he expect?? to treat me like garbage and ill just hand him everything he wants?? im done playin that game. and he doesn't just go on the message...he goes thru all my shit but wont let me go thru his shit. and he doesn't even ask which is the most disrespectful thing ever. if he wants to go on tahn 1. fuckin ask and 2. dont go thru my shit when u dont let me go thru urs. i cant even look thru his fuckin wallet. so w/e. im doin my normal online stuff. i have to pay my mom's bills online. im goin to the gym around 330ish. if i have time im gonna go tanning. mom's makin tacos for dinner around 6ish. and around 730ish im goin to play pool w/ sean. i have to write that note to john since its so fuckin obv i cant even talk to him. and thats my plans for today. as of rite now im not peein blood anymore but it mite take a while b/c it took til the 2nd or 3rd time of me peein yesterday for blood to start comin out. i still need to find a second job. im so fuckin poor. john still owes me $11. hopefully i will b gettin that soon.