complete 360...
thursday..the rest of it. so john said he was gonna play cards for a little while and than call me. i was givin him to 1030. i actually gave him to 1045 and than got dressed for bed. he called 5 min later. they were playin poker at his house. wtf. i can't play at his friends house but he said i could always play at his house. yea i guess he is just too influenced on his friends. so he said to ocme over. so w/e. i changed and went over. they were in his room playin cards and watchin sports. reiked of pot. so i sat on the bed and played solitaire. for each time i lost i took a shot of malibou. i lost 3 times. around 1145 john gave me the remote. his friends left around 1230. me andjohn played cards alone for all of like less than 10 min. he got mad b/c i didn't wanna smoke. well he should've thought about that before he broke the promise and smoked w/o me. and its not even like he tried to redeem himself or even fuckin apologize. so he didn' twanna play cards w/ me anymore b/c i didn't wanna smoke. amazin rite? so than we started watchin tv and makin out and foolin around. yea stupid me had sex w/ him again. i guess ill start one conviction at a time rite?? no smokin this week and next week ill take away sex. it sux b/c i like sex so its hard to give up something u want to teach someone else a lesson. i guess ill just have to b stronger. anyways...what started out as normal sex ended up w/ me bein completley sore and my tummy feelin odd. he didn't want normal sex..he wanted anal. so ok he did go nice and slow but once he got in he was like havin reg sex and it was like pain and felt only a lil good. and he went inside me. we've never done that before. he's only put it in for like less than a minute. we've never had full on butt sex. so i figured ok this had to b special so he was gonna say "i love u". nope. got up and claned himself and threw me a towel. said sorry b/c i was sore and got cereal. he didn't even fuckin cuddle me. yea i was hurt. a tear fell down. something htat close and personal became nothing. so w/e. went to sleep.
friday. ron called at 830 and we got up. he said i could stay but i didn't wanna. i left andf went home. i tried to sleep but it didn't work. first a telemarketer called. and i just hung up. than around 1015 unemployment called and ididn't realize it was them and i said i wasn't home. they said who they were and that they would call back in a half hour. so ok. i just laid there til they called again. she checked all my jobs and said the only one i could collect from was stop n shop but she didn't know if i was there long enough. she said someone would call me monday around 1015. than i figured i mite as well get up. so i got up and got ready. i caleld gramma and she said to come over. the cheapest tannin place was solar lounge..$50/month no fees. so we made an appt at 1. i watched tv a lil bit and than we left. i filled out the papers and they told me what to do. i tanend for 7 min. i didn't look any tanner. it was fun tho. like i thought it would feel like i was in there forever and everything but the time went fast i had music and alone time to think. lol. than we went to aldi's b/c i had to get break milk and eggs. than i went home and showered and went online. john called around 330 and said to pick him up at rons. so i went and got him and pitched the idea about goin down by ac tonite and gettin a hotel and goin to ac on saturday afternoon. he loved it. so we went to his house so he could shower. his mom said we could use the car. after like an hour and a half we went to the dollar store and than my house. i packed and got my money. i wanted to just go down and get a cheap no name motel. of course not. john wont stay at a cheap hotel. they were fine enough when he was w/ dez but all a sudden he wants the good places which in a way i do love. he thinks im better and wants to stay in better places. i like that part..makes me feel special. but sometimes a cheap room will do if its not a special occasion. but w/e. we found a decent room online and booked it. $70. i paid but john is givin me $35 next week. so i only really paid half. than we went back to his house to get the car. his mom wasn' tthere so we had to wait. she came home and they like talked for 45 minutes. i was gettin annoyed b/c im tired of always gettin to hotels at nite. i pay for them and only spend a lil time in them. so i said "omg we're never gonna get there". john got mad. he was like "im talkin to my mom here" like ok i understand that but y doesn't he understand that the room is paid for, we have over an hour drive to get there, and im tired of just gettin a room, sleepin and than leavin. if im payin for a room i wanna b there the whole day. so he was mad. we started out. 3/4 of the way i apologized for bein a brat but told him the reason y. and i told him that he's still makes me feel unspecial/unimportant. he said how. so i said well last nite u didn't cuddle me or say those words. he didn't say anything. so we find the hotel. check in. and get our room. it was like the nicest place. the hot tub was the nicest one we've ever gotten. it was spacious and the decor was cool. we liked this one and said we should stay there everytime we go to ac. so than we went to wawa for dinner. he treated. thats a first. than we went back to the room. we ate and watched tv a lil. than we started the jacuzzi. he said i was doin good on my diet ( my new bathin suit kinda shows my fat) and that i was almost there. finally some nice words. he didn't wanna put on a bathin suit so he wen tin naked. i just wanted so show off my new suit to him. we played blind date for 2 min. he never wants to play that game anymore. i love playin that. we started foolin around and had sex again. like 5 different positions in the hot tub. afterwards i really felt like he was gonna say it. he hugged me and was lookin in my eyes. i felt it coming..the words. but nope. he kissed me on the nose. i know thats a sign of affection but god dam come on already. than we played some cards and yea i smoked a lil but it was a "special occassion"...we were at a hotel. and i always say i will smoke for special reasons but not just to sit around or w/e. we ate some more and than went to bed.
friday. ron called at 830 and we got up. he said i could stay but i didn't wanna. i left andf went home. i tried to sleep but it didn't work. first a telemarketer called. and i just hung up. than around 1015 unemployment called and ididn't realize it was them and i said i wasn't home. they said who they were and that they would call back in a half hour. so ok. i just laid there til they called again. she checked all my jobs and said the only one i could collect from was stop n shop but she didn't know if i was there long enough. she said someone would call me monday around 1015. than i figured i mite as well get up. so i got up and got ready. i caleld gramma and she said to come over. the cheapest tannin place was solar lounge..$50/month no fees. so we made an appt at 1. i watched tv a lil bit and than we left. i filled out the papers and they told me what to do. i tanend for 7 min. i didn't look any tanner. it was fun tho. like i thought it would feel like i was in there forever and everything but the time went fast i had music and alone time to think. lol. than we went to aldi's b/c i had to get break milk and eggs. than i went home and showered and went online. john called around 330 and said to pick him up at rons. so i went and got him and pitched the idea about goin down by ac tonite and gettin a hotel and goin to ac on saturday afternoon. he loved it. so we went to his house so he could shower. his mom said we could use the car. after like an hour and a half we went to the dollar store and than my house. i packed and got my money. i wanted to just go down and get a cheap no name motel. of course not. john wont stay at a cheap hotel. they were fine enough when he was w/ dez but all a sudden he wants the good places which in a way i do love. he thinks im better and wants to stay in better places. i like that part..makes me feel special. but sometimes a cheap room will do if its not a special occasion. but w/e. we found a decent room online and booked it. $70. i paid but john is givin me $35 next week. so i only really paid half. than we went back to his house to get the car. his mom wasn' tthere so we had to wait. she came home and they like talked for 45 minutes. i was gettin annoyed b/c im tired of always gettin to hotels at nite. i pay for them and only spend a lil time in them. so i said "omg we're never gonna get there". john got mad. he was like "im talkin to my mom here" like ok i understand that but y doesn't he understand that the room is paid for, we have over an hour drive to get there, and im tired of just gettin a room, sleepin and than leavin. if im payin for a room i wanna b there the whole day. so he was mad. we started out. 3/4 of the way i apologized for bein a brat but told him the reason y. and i told him that he's still makes me feel unspecial/unimportant. he said how. so i said well last nite u didn't cuddle me or say those words. he didn't say anything. so we find the hotel. check in. and get our room. it was like the nicest place. the hot tub was the nicest one we've ever gotten. it was spacious and the decor was cool. we liked this one and said we should stay there everytime we go to ac. so than we went to wawa for dinner. he treated. thats a first. than we went back to the room. we ate and watched tv a lil. than we started the jacuzzi. he said i was doin good on my diet ( my new bathin suit kinda shows my fat) and that i was almost there. finally some nice words. he didn't wanna put on a bathin suit so he wen tin naked. i just wanted so show off my new suit to him. we played blind date for 2 min. he never wants to play that game anymore. i love playin that. we started foolin around and had sex again. like 5 different positions in the hot tub. afterwards i really felt like he was gonna say it. he hugged me and was lookin in my eyes. i felt it coming..the words. but nope. he kissed me on the nose. i know thats a sign of affection but god dam come on already. than we played some cards and yea i smoked a lil but it was a "special occassion"...we were at a hotel. and i always say i will smoke for special reasons but not just to sit around or w/e. we ate some more and than went to bed.