(no subject)
okay, so i've been talking to Caitlyn this morning... about love, life, and stuff like that... and i was thinking about it all... and here's the convo (hope you don't mind, Caitlyn!)
[09:53] squibcait: ..when you get together with someone.. do you ever have that feeling like 'wow, how do i know this is right?'
[09:53] squibcait: i hate being scared.. and normally when i get scared.. it's just b/c of my thoughts
[09:54] cassaroo679: when its right, you don't question it
[09:54] cassaroo679: you just know...
[09:54] squibcait: *sigh*
[09:54] squibcait: but what if i'm always going to question everything??
[09:55] squibcait: and so i'm just gunna go on questioning every relationship.. so i'll never really be in one.. what if i question mr.right?
[09:55] squibcait: gah.
[09:55] squibcait: lol
[09:55] cassaroo679: well... you just need to relax, and go with it
[09:55] cassaroo679: you'll know if its right or not
[09:55] squibcait: *sigh* that's easier said than done.
[09:55] cassaroo679: its just something inside of you that tells you that its right...
[09:56] cassaroo679: i used to question everything....
[09:56] cassaroo679: hell... sometimes i still do....
[09:56] cassaroo679: when i started falling for this guy, i was constantly asking myself if it was right, because i mean... the whole Jace thing....
[09:57] squibcait: (because i mean.. the whole Matt thing)
[09:57] squibcait: lol
[09:57] cassaroo679: but... "if you can't get someone out of your head, maybe they're supposed to be there"
[09:57] squibcait: damnit. why'd i have to go and bring matt up? god i hate that kid.
[09:57] cassaroo679: i don't think matt knows what he wants
[09:57] squibcait: yah.. when you posted that on ur lj
[09:57] squibcait: i was like wth. whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??? .. lol. it got my thinking too.
[09:58] squibcait: i don't think so either.. but quite frankly? i don't CARE what he wants.. simply because he's an ASSHOLE
[09:58] squibcait: GAH.
[09:58] squibcait: ok. sry.
[09:58] squibcait: lol
[09:59] cassaroo679: lol, he's just caught up in a big pool of self pity.... i think that he needs counseling... but i think he'
[09:59] cassaroo679: s
[09:59] cassaroo679: cleaning his act up... for now....
[09:59] squibcait: "supposedly"
[09:59] squibcait: he's said he was going to do that before.
[09:59] squibcait: and never did.
[09:59] squibcait: i won't believe it until i see it.
[09:59] squibcait: not w/him.
[10:00] squibcait: man. sometimes i get disgusted with myself for falling for him.
[10:00] cassaroo679: i guess i just like to give people that benefit of the doubt....
[10:00] cassaroo679: if you had never fallen for him, you wouldn't be the person you are today....
[10:01] squibcait: i normally do.. but i'm INCREDIBLY bitter towards him.. i normally don't say hate (i know.. i know..i just did, lol) .. because it's a really strong word.. but with him, i just might hate him.
[10:01] squibcait: yeah.. but what if it would have been better not falling for him?
[10:01] squibcait: *sigh* all these "what if"s
[10:02] cassaroo679: well.... what if i had said yes to danny when he asked me out again.... what if i had never dated him in the first place?
[10:02] squibcait: wow.
[10:02] cassaroo679: i wouldn't be as strong as i am today, he taught me alot, he taught me how to love, he taught me about heart ache, he taught me that love is more than just a four letter word....
[10:03] cassaroo679: "I Love You" is an 8 letter phrase... but then again, so is "Bullshit"
[10:03] squibcait: i love that.
[10:03] squibcait: lol
[10:05] cassaroo679: i mean, i know that he loves me, and sometimes i wish i could just let myself go back to him... but i don't want to... i'm 16 years old,i have more life experience than most kids at our school, no one knows what i've gone through, Sam knows about all of it, but thats cause she's one of few i can truely trust....
[10:05] cassaroo679: and i have learned that we were made with our eyes facing forward for a reason... its so that we look ahead towards the future, rather than back at the past
[10:06] cassaroo679: "To Love at all, is to be Vulnerable"
[10:06] squibcait: yeah..
[10:06] cassaroo679: loving someone is giving them the ability to break you heart, but trusting that they won't
[10:06] squibcait: i guess when you're ready to love.. is better measured by when you're ready to be vulnerable?
[10:07] cassaroo679: sometimes, love will hit you when you least expect it
[10:07] cassaroo679: thats what happened with Jace....
[10:08] cassaroo679: it wasn't just him that i loved, but i loved the person i was when i was around him, i didn't have anything to hide, i was simply myself... there were no lies... Jace knows me alot better than most, he knows the way i think, he knows that i'm constantly planning, going over stuff in my head....
[10:08] cassaroo679: i never expected to fall in love with him.... it just happened
[10:08] cassaroo679: just like he never expected to fall in love with me my freshman year, but he did, and he did bad
[10:09] squibcait: aw
[10:09] cassaroo679: and ya know... he really scared me my freshman year.... i mean REALLY scared me.....
[10:09] squibcait: how?
[10:11] cassaroo679: when he first told me that he loved me, i could tell that he meant it... and thats what scared me... i was afraid of it, afraid of commitment.... and ya know.. i still am... but i kinda like that feeling of vulnerability, cause thats where the butterflies come from
[10:11] squibcait: "i was afraid of it, afraid of commitment"
[10:11] squibcait: exactly.
[10:12] cassaroo679: its like jumping into a pool that you know if FREEZING.... you could take it step by step and torture yourself, or you can just hold your breath and jump
[10:13] cassaroo679: and when you jump, theres that split second before you hit the water where you wonder if what you did was right... but once you're in that water, you know it was worth it
[10:15] squibcait: i think the water's a bit acidic though.. b/c the guy is one of my best friend's exes.
[10:15] cassaroo679: ask your friend first
[10:15] squibcait: yeah..
[10:16] squibcait: definetely. she's priority to me over him.
[10:16] cassaroo679: "boys will come and go, but friends will be there forever"
[10:19] cassaroo679: "take a risk, take a chance, and make a change, and breakaway"
[10:19] squibcait: niiiice.
[10:19] squibcait: lol (:
[10:19] squibcait: part of me just wants him as a friend right now anyways.
[10:19] squibcait: idk.
[10:20] cassaroo679: if you have any doubts, don't do it
(note: i edited some of the parts out... for privacy reasons....)
yeah, so i went running this morning... and omfg! it was SOO hot out there... well not so hot, but humid! i'm used to go going before the sun comes up,or after it goes down, but this time that just didn't work.... lol... so yeah... i still ran like a mile... i almost didn't make it, goddamn that humidity!, anywho.... i'm going to the athletic club today.... i'm gonna see if Jordan will go with me... lol... lets see.... my brother goes to court today... him and my mom are already there.... i don't know whats gonna happen with that.... ummm... lets see.... what else... Prescilla might spend the night tonight.... as long as her parents let her.... ummm...... yeah, thats about it... oh! i have song lyrics, cause i haven't posted song lyrics in such a long time....
Breakaway
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreamen of what could be
And if I'll end up happy
I would pray
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
Sooo I pray
I could breakaway
(Chrous)
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
la la la la la(2)
la la la la
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a airplane
Far away, and break away
(Chorus)
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
and i'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won't forget all the ones that I love
Gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging 'round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
But.. gotta keep moving on,moving on
Fly away,Breakaway
(Chorus)
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Tho it's not easy to tell you goodbye
Gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
Gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
breakaway
(Fading) Breakaway
yeah...so i dunno what else so say, so i guess i'm outta here...!
love,
Cassie