Because I'm feeling reflective...
Recently it was birthday. I turned twenty-eight years old. And I realized that while it's not a particularily special age, it has been ten years since I was considered an adult in the eyes of the government. And so, feeling slightly reflective, I am writing a letter to my eighteen year old self,
Dear eighteen year old Manda,
Hello there! How is life in highschool going? Well, what am I saying I know how it's going. And I know how uncertain you are right now. Sure, you have your close group of friends but you can't help but feel constantly nervous about what they really think of you, you do well in school but are afraid of telling your parents that you want to be an actor, and altogether things are just muddled and confusing.
So I'm here to tell you a few things. You are not fat. Soon you'll look back and realize that you've actually gained weight and that you were never really fat. Dont' worry, the gained weight may get you down on occasion, but you will learn to use it to your advantage. The braces will come off, and you'll grudgingly thank your parents for putting you through braces for your last year of highschool and first year of university. And the day you decide to grow your hair out will be the best decision you ever made.
You may be afraid of going to university, but it will be amazing. More than amazing. You will go home and your own family won't recognize you from all the change. And that change is good. You will discover the joys of buffalo chicken fingers and Creelman breakfasts (where you'll discover your way of eating french toast is unique only to you). You'll find out that not only does no one care that you like fantasy books and soundtrack music, they will actually respect and love you for it. You'll love your classes and yearn to learn more, and most importantly, you'll get into a play your very first semester and discover things artistically about yourself you never thought you had the courage to explore. And you will graduate with honours because of it.
Actually, more importantly, you will find a group of friends who will never leave you. Some of them were nerdy and awkward like you in highschool, some were cool and popular, but all of you will discover that you all have a lot more in common than you think. And they will be genuine when they tell you they love how you are, and it will be a feeling you will never forget. And you'll feel you can never express to them enough how thankful you are to have them in your life, but you hope they get it.
And in case you feel like you don't have any talent as an actor, Stratford teachers will tell you otherwise. Let me assure you, it will stand out as the best day of your life.
Alcohol is not inherently evil. And I can tell you not to overindulge, but you will have to learn that for yourself. And you will. Smoking is still gross, though. And Dr. Pepper is heaven in a drink.
Comedy is your strong suit. Never give it up. While others may let their strange quirks and odd/unconventional appearance get them down, you must learn to use it to your complete advantage. And it will pay off. Storytelling is very important. Laugh at everything, and everyone will want to laugh with you.
Guelph is a beautiful city and you will discover independence there. Toronto is not as scary as it seems although it is damn expensive. Times will get tough sometimes, I'm not going to lie. There will be months were you just survive by the skin of your teeth, when no jobs are in site and the transit is still a scary beast of a maze, but you can get through it if you keep your head down and keep trying.
But it's also the place where you will find free fridays at the ROM, patio bars, nature trails in the midst of an urban sprawl, a transit system that means you'll never have to drive if you don't want to, and your own first real place you can call your own. And because it's Toronto you will get to actually meet Neil Gaiman, Guy Gavriel Kay, sort of Woody Harrelson, and a slew of others that you'd never think would happen.
And the theatre community is everything you dreamed of. Again...it's tough sometimes. Auditions suck. Never think for a moment that they don't suck. But you will do them, and make more friends and do the thing that you love to do. And with each show, you will rediscover why you love acting so much. You will be surrounded by so many talented and amazing people you won't know what you did to deserve them. You will sing. Yes, sing. As a lead in a musical. You will be a crazy grandma, a homeless Newfie, the daughter of a French noble in a kick-ass dress, a Shakespearean clown, an eleven year old girl, a girl who loves astronomy, an old woman who finds love, a crazy pipe smoking clown who will dance like a chicken, a sword swinging minion, a homeless pregnant girl and now Matt Damon. You will be busy.
Don't worry. All those friends in highschool will come back to you, or you will find them again. And they will be more amazing than ever and provide you with some of the best times of your life. There will be video games and conventions, surprise Portal parties and video shoots.
Don't worry what others think. Keep trying, no matter what you choose to try and do. Keep saving your money. You'll need it. Go jogging occasionally, it can clear your mind, and sports bras will save you the embarassment of the bounce factor. Trust your love of video games, because it will make you suddenly cooler. Your friends are going to be invaluable to you. Treat them well. Trust yourself. That's the hardest one of all.
This is getting rambly. But you get the picture. In conclusion, Itunes will only feed your soundtrack addiction, youtube and an editing friend will indulge you in your crap ass video projects, homestar runner and the nostalgia critic will feed your internet soul, and you will develop a taste for wine that you will never regret. What I'm saying is...it gets better.
Sincerely,
28 year old Manda
Dear eighteen year old Manda,
Hello there! How is life in highschool going? Well, what am I saying I know how it's going. And I know how uncertain you are right now. Sure, you have your close group of friends but you can't help but feel constantly nervous about what they really think of you, you do well in school but are afraid of telling your parents that you want to be an actor, and altogether things are just muddled and confusing.
So I'm here to tell you a few things. You are not fat. Soon you'll look back and realize that you've actually gained weight and that you were never really fat. Dont' worry, the gained weight may get you down on occasion, but you will learn to use it to your advantage. The braces will come off, and you'll grudgingly thank your parents for putting you through braces for your last year of highschool and first year of university. And the day you decide to grow your hair out will be the best decision you ever made.
You may be afraid of going to university, but it will be amazing. More than amazing. You will go home and your own family won't recognize you from all the change. And that change is good. You will discover the joys of buffalo chicken fingers and Creelman breakfasts (where you'll discover your way of eating french toast is unique only to you). You'll find out that not only does no one care that you like fantasy books and soundtrack music, they will actually respect and love you for it. You'll love your classes and yearn to learn more, and most importantly, you'll get into a play your very first semester and discover things artistically about yourself you never thought you had the courage to explore. And you will graduate with honours because of it.
Actually, more importantly, you will find a group of friends who will never leave you. Some of them were nerdy and awkward like you in highschool, some were cool and popular, but all of you will discover that you all have a lot more in common than you think. And they will be genuine when they tell you they love how you are, and it will be a feeling you will never forget. And you'll feel you can never express to them enough how thankful you are to have them in your life, but you hope they get it.
And in case you feel like you don't have any talent as an actor, Stratford teachers will tell you otherwise. Let me assure you, it will stand out as the best day of your life.
Alcohol is not inherently evil. And I can tell you not to overindulge, but you will have to learn that for yourself. And you will. Smoking is still gross, though. And Dr. Pepper is heaven in a drink.
Comedy is your strong suit. Never give it up. While others may let their strange quirks and odd/unconventional appearance get them down, you must learn to use it to your complete advantage. And it will pay off. Storytelling is very important. Laugh at everything, and everyone will want to laugh with you.
Guelph is a beautiful city and you will discover independence there. Toronto is not as scary as it seems although it is damn expensive. Times will get tough sometimes, I'm not going to lie. There will be months were you just survive by the skin of your teeth, when no jobs are in site and the transit is still a scary beast of a maze, but you can get through it if you keep your head down and keep trying.
But it's also the place where you will find free fridays at the ROM, patio bars, nature trails in the midst of an urban sprawl, a transit system that means you'll never have to drive if you don't want to, and your own first real place you can call your own. And because it's Toronto you will get to actually meet Neil Gaiman, Guy Gavriel Kay, sort of Woody Harrelson, and a slew of others that you'd never think would happen.
And the theatre community is everything you dreamed of. Again...it's tough sometimes. Auditions suck. Never think for a moment that they don't suck. But you will do them, and make more friends and do the thing that you love to do. And with each show, you will rediscover why you love acting so much. You will be surrounded by so many talented and amazing people you won't know what you did to deserve them. You will sing. Yes, sing. As a lead in a musical. You will be a crazy grandma, a homeless Newfie, the daughter of a French noble in a kick-ass dress, a Shakespearean clown, an eleven year old girl, a girl who loves astronomy, an old woman who finds love, a crazy pipe smoking clown who will dance like a chicken, a sword swinging minion, a homeless pregnant girl and now Matt Damon. You will be busy.
Don't worry. All those friends in highschool will come back to you, or you will find them again. And they will be more amazing than ever and provide you with some of the best times of your life. There will be video games and conventions, surprise Portal parties and video shoots.
Don't worry what others think. Keep trying, no matter what you choose to try and do. Keep saving your money. You'll need it. Go jogging occasionally, it can clear your mind, and sports bras will save you the embarassment of the bounce factor. Trust your love of video games, because it will make you suddenly cooler. Your friends are going to be invaluable to you. Treat them well. Trust yourself. That's the hardest one of all.
This is getting rambly. But you get the picture. In conclusion, Itunes will only feed your soundtrack addiction, youtube and an editing friend will indulge you in your crap ass video projects, homestar runner and the nostalgia critic will feed your internet soul, and you will develop a taste for wine that you will never regret. What I'm saying is...it gets better.
Sincerely,
28 year old Manda