(no subject)
and so it is . . . work and more work and adjusting to this schedule--mon/wed class, tues/thurs Redbook is harder than I thought. I only do maintenance schoolwork during the week and practically nothing on the weekends (travel and leisure!) and as such, I feel time is running out for me to . . . well, to have this opportunity to read and digest and interact with the text.
All I talk about in class are liminal space and deconstruction and signifier/signified disconnects . . . which is all kind of baby English major stuff . . . I want to make a leap into deep intellectualism! I did a major clean up of my room tonight, found lots of stuff from last year, etc . . . not sure what to do with it all . . . I have an awful lot of books . . .many of which were purchased on the street, esp. from the dude outside of Urban Outfitters.
wow, this entry is wonky . . .
there are all sorts of opportunities, and why don't I feel that? Why am I so COMMITTED to being infused with negative thoughts right now?
maybe I need to see more Broadway Musicals.
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn . . . ehh. It was at City Center and I was sitting allllllll the way up in the balcony, which made it a little hard to see. When I saw Alvin Ailey at City Center in December I was sitting in the first row, which was SO cool, but usually I like to see dance performances a little further back. Actually, my fave. place to sit in the theater is in the rear balcony, off to the side , with no one around. Reminds me of high school theater, doing homework and waiting for your cue, safe and supported in a lovely liminal space . . .!
I would always walk around backstage of high school performances in my tights, my black cut-off dance shorts over them, and a black tank top. I would never wear my costume backstage, I loved kind of stripping down (not like that . . . except of course the tank was probably low cut, but I never NOTICED back then . . .) to this sort of blank slate place of being that was both very natural and highly theatrical. I felt most myself then, it's also sort of what I wore to dance classes (usually I would wear cut up leggings to dance class, with short-Express shorts over them, and a tank top) . . . I would wear the same type of shorts to lifeguard, always with the waistband turned down . . . and it's funny, one time therapist Cheryl asked me to come to session wearing something that was more comfortable, more me (she thinks I dress up for therapy, but I don't, what I wear is what I wear regardless, and I don't think I really dress up . . .) and she was like "ohh, come in sweatpants . . ."
which is problematic, because a) the only sweats I OWN are a) all cut up and b) who actually wears SWEATS in public? On the subway? And how I feel most myself is either that, in cut up leggings and shorts, with a tank top and flip flops, or in my lifeguard bathing suit and shorts, maybe with a cut up sweatshirt over that . . .
So, hmmm . . . not sure WHERE that is going . . .
solipsistic and T-3 months left.