Wedding
Back from a weekend in Minneapolis attending Caleb's wedding. I had a blast, had the opportunity to finally meet Amanda and Mario, and, most importantly, witness Caleb take a major step in his life. Wouldn't have missed it for the world.
During the reception a lot of speeches were given, quite heartfelt. I'm happy to have gotten both Jason and Nick's on video. I wanted to say something too, but worried that most of the attendees wouldn't have understood. As usual, I hesitate and lose out. Nick said most of what I wanted to anyway, so it was alright. I find it a shame, though, that most of the people there didn't seem to know Caleb terribly well. He's not an easy person to "meet", in a sense that you don't really know who he is just from a quick introduction. I was lucky to have had so many years to see through his layers, and wish I could have had more. On the surface Caleb's almost too meek, too polite and literally softspoken. His laughter sounds nervous and unsure at first. But when he lights up with genuine happiness, it's hard to miss. Fortunately, so many little things make him happy. And underneath the shy exterior, I've found that he's got the heart of a lion, and the strongest and most well-defined convictions of anyone I know. At the same time, he's open to the world and all of its experiences. He's gotten good at rolling with the punches and adapting to change.
I feel very lucky that I had Caleb to welcome me into the fold when I became a student here. Without the tag team of him and Jason, I don't think I would have gained the sense of place or confidence that I did; at least not as quickly or as strongly. Our weekend spaghetti dinners together are things I won't soon forget. Caleb was also, it seemed, the most patient with my nightmares. That alone means a lot to me. I was very happy just to be there for a new beginning for him. I'm really happy to have seen and met all of the people taking care of him out in St. Cloud, especially Amanda. He'll always be a part of the family here, even if he's not here with us. All the same, that's not good enough. I'm glad that he has a newer family now, and his heart is anchored in something strong and true.
Speaking of family, the wedding was a chance to reflect. The atmosphere was so different than what it was for Freddie and Tiff's wedding, amongst us. Our family, that was not so long ago all compact and collected is now scattered to the wind physically and mentally. To a degree that was obviously coming. But even amongst the core members, the clan that's still here, I swung from blissfully playful to feeling completely unwanted this weekend. I've never read people easily, but to not know the heart of my best friends is unsettling to say the least. Nick is absolutely correct when he says that Caleb took our groups 'glue' when he left for St. Cloud. He smoothed out our rough edges, helped to carry us through raw emotions and clashing personalities. Things that have gone down in the past few years within the group may or may not have turned out differently had Caleb been around, but at this point it doesn't matter.
Maybe I'm being a bit too sensitive to what may just be hard-edged teasing. I'm sure a lot of what I'm hearing is at least, in part, rooted in truth. I need to corner our designated patriarch and nail his feet to the floor about a few things; I need to know where I stand and I'm tired of being in limbo about things. At least what gets targeted on me isn't nearly as bad as what the others give Jason. There's another guy with a heart of gold; one of the last people in the world that deserves to be trampled on. The others do him a disservice with such relentless insults, and I do him an equal disservice in not defending him better.
During the reception a lot of speeches were given, quite heartfelt. I'm happy to have gotten both Jason and Nick's on video. I wanted to say something too, but worried that most of the attendees wouldn't have understood. As usual, I hesitate and lose out. Nick said most of what I wanted to anyway, so it was alright. I find it a shame, though, that most of the people there didn't seem to know Caleb terribly well. He's not an easy person to "meet", in a sense that you don't really know who he is just from a quick introduction. I was lucky to have had so many years to see through his layers, and wish I could have had more. On the surface Caleb's almost too meek, too polite and literally softspoken. His laughter sounds nervous and unsure at first. But when he lights up with genuine happiness, it's hard to miss. Fortunately, so many little things make him happy. And underneath the shy exterior, I've found that he's got the heart of a lion, and the strongest and most well-defined convictions of anyone I know. At the same time, he's open to the world and all of its experiences. He's gotten good at rolling with the punches and adapting to change.
I feel very lucky that I had Caleb to welcome me into the fold when I became a student here. Without the tag team of him and Jason, I don't think I would have gained the sense of place or confidence that I did; at least not as quickly or as strongly. Our weekend spaghetti dinners together are things I won't soon forget. Caleb was also, it seemed, the most patient with my nightmares. That alone means a lot to me. I was very happy just to be there for a new beginning for him. I'm really happy to have seen and met all of the people taking care of him out in St. Cloud, especially Amanda. He'll always be a part of the family here, even if he's not here with us. All the same, that's not good enough. I'm glad that he has a newer family now, and his heart is anchored in something strong and true.
Speaking of family, the wedding was a chance to reflect. The atmosphere was so different than what it was for Freddie and Tiff's wedding, amongst us. Our family, that was not so long ago all compact and collected is now scattered to the wind physically and mentally. To a degree that was obviously coming. But even amongst the core members, the clan that's still here, I swung from blissfully playful to feeling completely unwanted this weekend. I've never read people easily, but to not know the heart of my best friends is unsettling to say the least. Nick is absolutely correct when he says that Caleb took our groups 'glue' when he left for St. Cloud. He smoothed out our rough edges, helped to carry us through raw emotions and clashing personalities. Things that have gone down in the past few years within the group may or may not have turned out differently had Caleb been around, but at this point it doesn't matter.
Maybe I'm being a bit too sensitive to what may just be hard-edged teasing. I'm sure a lot of what I'm hearing is at least, in part, rooted in truth. I need to corner our designated patriarch and nail his feet to the floor about a few things; I need to know where I stand and I'm tired of being in limbo about things. At least what gets targeted on me isn't nearly as bad as what the others give Jason. There's another guy with a heart of gold; one of the last people in the world that deserves to be trampled on. The others do him a disservice with such relentless insults, and I do him an equal disservice in not defending him better.