Emptying nest
Just watched little brother go off down the driveway, on his way back up to Boston with his girlfriend and an Explorer full of audio gear and food raided from the house. And two loaves of banana bread, still warm. I love that boy, in a way and to an extent that I don't think anyone else in the world does. He's my little brother and my best friend. For a good chunk of my young life, he was the only person that granted me meaningful socialization. We were, and still are at the heart, so alike. On the surface, we're very different, and have been really ever since middle school. He's a social butterfly, but his friends stick with him. He can go anywhere and have dozens of people waiting to welcome him. Goes to clubs, goes to symphonies, and behaves like any metropolitan boy with a heart of gold should. Easygoing, jubilant. I spent a lot of my not-as-young life envying him for that. No matter where he is or what he does, he's settled. I still do envy him to an extent, but I couldn't live the life he does. There are some things about that life that I really don't like.
Even though he's been home for a month, I've barely spent any time with Daryl. Mostly because he barely spends any time here, and I'm a homebody. I hold a large space in my heart for that boy, but he made really no effort to spend time with me over break. If it wasn't his girlfriend, it was drinking with his local buddies. "You should have come!" he says. It struck me earlier today that my brother was leaving again, and I hadn't even seen him that much, and it floored me.
So it hurts, having him gone again, even though he wasn't really ever here. Mom and Dad get to see him all the time. They don't care that he comes here and spends their money, takes their alcohol, and wakes them up at 5AM like a cat scratching at the back door. They're proud of him and they love him. That's another thing I'm jealous about. Anyway, I never get to see him. He called me once in the span between summer and winter break, for my birthday. The idea of us growing apart really scares me. I don't want him to ever think that I'm not worth spending time with. I want to grow old with him in my life. I want to be the aunt that spoils his kids with dinosaur toys. And when he's absent for so long, when I can't be around to make sure he's all well and good, I get worried. Worried that something will happen, worried that maybe tomorrow I won't be so blessed to have such a rosy image of the future.
New Years resolution decided. I'll keep in touch with my baby bro. It's a two-person effort, and I've been falling dreadfully short of my tasks. He's too good of a person to let him grow up without me.
Even though he's been home for a month, I've barely spent any time with Daryl. Mostly because he barely spends any time here, and I'm a homebody. I hold a large space in my heart for that boy, but he made really no effort to spend time with me over break. If it wasn't his girlfriend, it was drinking with his local buddies. "You should have come!" he says. It struck me earlier today that my brother was leaving again, and I hadn't even seen him that much, and it floored me.
So it hurts, having him gone again, even though he wasn't really ever here. Mom and Dad get to see him all the time. They don't care that he comes here and spends their money, takes their alcohol, and wakes them up at 5AM like a cat scratching at the back door. They're proud of him and they love him. That's another thing I'm jealous about. Anyway, I never get to see him. He called me once in the span between summer and winter break, for my birthday. The idea of us growing apart really scares me. I don't want him to ever think that I'm not worth spending time with. I want to grow old with him in my life. I want to be the aunt that spoils his kids with dinosaur toys. And when he's absent for so long, when I can't be around to make sure he's all well and good, I get worried. Worried that something will happen, worried that maybe tomorrow I won't be so blessed to have such a rosy image of the future.
New Years resolution decided. I'll keep in touch with my baby bro. It's a two-person effort, and I've been falling dreadfully short of my tasks. He's too good of a person to let him grow up without me.